- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
June 2012 Moms
violajack
member
}
We just take turns crying (should I stop trying to work?)
violajack
member
I'm a little behind most of you since my son was late. He's just turning 4 months in a few days. We're going for his 4 month check and shots today, so I'll be able to talk to the pedi too. But I need advice from moms who have made it through this month.
This morning, it took a full hour to get him down for his nap. He cried. I cried. I set him down. I picked him up. I put him in the carrier. I put him in the rocker. I changed him. I offered the boob multiple times and he ate a little then cried more. It was always just his tired cry, not gassy. He got his morning poop out before the whole mess started. It's been like this for two weeks now. I know it can go for the whole month. Sometimes he would stop crying when I cried and sometimes we just cried together. He's just having a hard time going to sleep, but I'm so stressed from the crying and screaming that I'm really struggling to help him.
The thing is, on top of all of this, I'm trying to work from home. I had a great job writing for a tech magazine/website before and while I didn't want to go back to the office full time, I did want to keep working. They're happy to keep my on board and have been generously sending tons of freelance work my way. I enjoy the work and want to do it. But I've gotten nearly nothing done recently. I'm struggling against deadlines. I want to work on stuff, but by the time I've finally gotten DS to nap, I'm so frazzled that all I can do is try to recoup some sanity. He doesn't really nap very long anyway.
But I know this stage is temporary. I wanted to quit everything when I was so sick in the first tri, but I stuck with all three jobs and I was glad to still have everything when the sick wore off. I'm only trying to do two of the jobs now (freelance writing and occasional performing on the weekends, both of which I really enjoy), but I'm feeling like quitting everything again.
Should I stop pretending I can work from home or does this get better?
He just woke up and has gone straight back into fussing, which will become crying if I can't get him back to sleep. He's not ready to be up yet.
}
This discussion has been closed.
Re: We just take turns crying (should I stop trying to work?)
I'm so sorry! It really sucks when LO won't nap, I've definitely been there too. In my limited experience, everything is just a phase. It will probably be over soon. In the meantime, you can make sure that you're keeping his sleeping routine very consistent (I noticed around 4 mo LO needed the routine to be exactly the same every time or he wouldn't sleep) and try to start the routine at the first sign of drowsiness. Maybe you're doing all that already, in which case hang in there, make sure to get some "me" time whenever you can.
I can't tell you whether or not you should continue working, but I imagine it must be very difficult. My LO is going through a phase now of only napping 45 min at a time. I can barely keep the house clean and the fridge full, I can't imagine getting much work done on top of that. But only you know what's best for you and your family. Good luck.
The 4th month was absolute hell for us. It's gotten better this week.
I'd say stick it out just a little longer
ETA: Good luck! And much sanity to you
I would look into getting a nanny or in home sitter (or look for some type of daycare). I can't imagine trying to work AND care for a baby. Especially b/c your lo is only going to get more active and you will need to be able to monitor what he is doing. My work would suffer if I tried to do both.
I don't blame you for feeling burnt out. Which is why most people will tell someone who is looking to WFH that they need to have something as far as daycare lined up. Otherwise, eventually your work is going to start suffering.
Either get a sitter or stop working.
Goodbye little angel(7/22/2011)....see you in heaven
Goodbye my second angel (9/18/2011)
I completely sympathize. I'm in exactly the same situation. I wrote full-time for an arts/entertainment magazine before I had my son. I negotiated a new contract that would allow me to work part-time from home. The main reason for this was because my pay wasn't enough to cover childcare costs if I returned full-time. I figured, why should I give someone else 50% or more of my take home pay so they can look after my kids five days a week instead of me.
Unfortunately, with a 3-year-old and a 4-month-old baby, I'm getting very little done at home. I end up working until 1 a.m. once the kids have gone to bed. On top of everything, the baby has started waking up every two hours at night so I'm not getting much sleep at all.
I'm not giving up though. I refuse to believe that my only options are to pay someone to watch my kids or give up work completely. I can't afford either. My advice is to try to get as much done during the evenings and weekends as possible when your husband/family can help out. Good luck!
Thanks for the advice everyone. It's a lot to think about. I'm just writing on a freelance basis, so it's not like I'm trying to put in an 8 hour work day every day. I thought I'd be able to write while he napped or hung out under the activity gym or in the jumper or on the mat with some toys or things like that. I can just grab my laptop and sit with him wherever he is and talk to him or hand him new toys while I write. It was working pretty well up until the past two weeks.
I have considered having a sitter come in for a few hours three days a week. But I'm not really making enough to justify childcare. We have no family in this half of the country and DH is no help (which is a whole other post, I'm also trying to get us into counseling.)
I've emailed my editors to discuss the projects I'm currently working on. I think I'll try to close out what I have going on now and not start anything new for a while. I just don't want to close the door completely.
Of course now he's perfectly happy to hang out on the couch with me and grab his toes.
Nope, I'm in CA and all of my family is in OH. Hired childcare would be the only option.
I cried when I sent those emails but it felt so much better to have the pressure off. In fact, when I had no expectations of things I had to get done, I got a crap ton of stuff done, including writing an article I had just told my editor I didn't think I could do. We had a good day, and I was feeling like writing, so I started the article to see if I could get it done, and it was done so fast. My editor was pretty happy to have it the day after I told her I didn't think I could do it. We still have a lunch planned so we can talk about things. I really want to keep the door open, but I know I can't be flaky and bail on things I've said I can do.
Today, we figured out a great way to get things done too. It's so cliche, but I took the laptop to Starbucks. I put DS in the stroller and walked about 15 minutes to one that's farther away (yes, I walked past 2 other Starbucks to get to that one) and he was asleep by the end of the walk. He slept for a full hour while we were there. I left as soon as he started to wake, and he managed to slip back asleep on the walk home. An hour is not a whole lot of time to get work done, but it's the longest stretch I've had in a while.
I do need to be careful and not take on too much on a day where I'm feeling optimistic, but I don't need to quit just because we've had so many bad days. I won't do production work anymore though, because the deadlines are too tight. I'm only going to take on projects with multi-week timelines, which gives me wiggle room to have a few bad days.
Balance is such a tricky thing.