Throw my own shower?

JWilMommy · October 2012

Hi, this is my first post here, be kind. My BFF lives across country and won't be able to fly out for a baby shower. I don't really have any other close friends who would step up and throw me a shower. My mom is NOT the party kind of person and I would have to beg her to do it, and basically end up doing most of it myself anyway. How bad would it be to throw my own shower? Or should I not have one if no one else will throw me one?

cmhicklin · October 2012

Bad. The majority opinion will be that it is worse than bad : )

Eyre2 · October 2012

As a newbie myself I gotta say that you really REALLY need to troll the boards before you post questions like this.

Liz4444 · October 2012

Bad... And, if you don't have anyone around you who you are close enough to to throw it, who would you invite?

ggatlanta · October 2012

ETA 20 minutes to DD.

526SadieSadie · October 2012

Liz4444:
Bad... And, if you don't have anyone around you who you are close enough to to throw it, who would you invite?

bazinga. my thoughts exactly.

Aleja0918 · October 2012

Very very bad.

JWilMommy · October 2012

Okay, that is kind of what I thought, which was why I phrased my question the way I did. I just didn't want to seem like a martyr either. Thank you for your responses.

And I have tried to look through many of the posts before hand, but there are just SO many here, quite a large board. I did notice that some people can be quite mean sometimes too.

Cranang · October 2012

JWilMommy:

Okay, that is kind of what I thought, which was why I phrased my question the way I did. I just didn't want to seem like a martyr either. Thank you for your responses.

And I have tried to look through many of the posts before hand, but there are just SO many here, quite a large board. I did notice that some people can be quite mean sometimes too.

Your point?

Oh good, another person getting bent out of shape over honesty.

jobiann · October 2012

It is in bad taste to throw your own shower because it's a gift. Hopefully someone will offer to have one for you!

I also advise you to lurk on the boards a bit before you post. This is a hot topic on this board and will only get you flamed. GL!

PunkyBooster · October 2012

If you don't have any close friends who would throw you a shower, then who is going to come if you throw one yourself?

hansonam446 · October 2012

Eyre2:
As a newbie myself I gotta say that you really REALLY need to troll the boards before you post questions like this.

Yes

JenniD2 · October 2012

MandJS:
A shower is a gift, not an entitlement. You should not EVER throw your own gift giving event. So if no one OFFERS to host (and you should NEVER ask someone to host), then you don't get one.
If you want to have a party, you can host a meet the baby or sip and see after the baby arrives.

This. In your case, you could throw a Meet-the-Baby party or sip and see.

JWilMommy · October 2012

PunkyBooster:

If you don't have any close friends who would throw you a shower, then who is going to come if you throw one yourself?

I have friends who would come, just not really close ones who would offer to organize an entire party for me.

And I apologize about my comment about people being mean sometimes. I'm all for honesty, but you can be honest AND nice about it like MandJS, JenniD, and jobiann were. I didn't see a search feature off the bat (found it now, it's at the bottom) and didn't have time to "troll" every post (there are millions). I'm not easily offended and will be more careful about which topics I post about in the future. I'm definitely not going near the whole "chair vs floor seating" topic!

rhubarb123 · October 2012

OP...I see you realize that hosting your own shower would be very bad. I know you said you could BEG your mom to host a shower for you yet she isn't a "party person"...is it possible she would be host in name only (and possibly financially as well)? Many mothers of the FTM's host their daughter's baby showers. Perhaps she could be "hostess" but you could be "planner". The guests don't need to know that.

The other suggestion of a Sip and See or a Welcome Baby Party after baby has arrived is another alternative. I didn't look to see when you were due...but is it possible someone still might host for you?

raynadawn · October 2012

Showers for babies are such a touchy subject and it always comes back to the gifts. Consider a wedding registry and wedding. Not many balk at a couple funding a wedding themselves these days. Certainly the bride and groom ask for items for their wedding presents - it's not like their MIL is picking out their new bedroom linens. And I think an argument can be made that they don't NEED a panini press while a new mom certainly NEEDS a carseat. Whether someone hosts your shower or not, the mom to be is usually putting together her own registry so aren't you already asking for gifts for yourself?

With my son's shower my best friend very kindly offered a location as we were living in a studio and to throw the party for me - and then shattered her ankle on vacation and was restricted to the couch for the better part of 4 months. Between her medical bills and being laid up just a couple weeks before the party- who do you think organized, prepped and PAID for it? Should I have cancelled my shower 2 weeks before? Ultimately I felt better about doing it myself than having someone do it for me. I felt putting the party on and doing so out of my pocket was a good way to thank my friends and family that were so generously (and gladly) gifting for the arrival of my son. Honestly, I would have been ostracized by my family and friends if I didn't have a party!

To me it's all really circumstantial - take good consideration of your local family and friends. If they would be offended, it's probably not worth the stress. But my take on showers? Hosted by the parents? Co-ed? Go for it! My biggest no-no's are if you have registered then under no circumstance may you have a pot luck. Never register for items that are for household use (stereos, tv's, etc.) Don't ask for gifts as well as a diaper trade-in for booze, make them part of the registry instead and the party should match the registry. Asking for a $1500 stroller? You better not be serving $5 frozen pizzas. In short - use as much common sense as possible .

Rant over.

Cranang · October 2012

raynadawn:

Showers for babies are such a touchy subject and it always comes back to the gifts. Consider a wedding registry and wedding. Not many balk at a couple funding a wedding themselves these days. Certainly the bride and groom ask for items for their wedding presents - it's not like their MIL is picking out their new bedroom linens. And I think an argument can be made that they don't NEED a panini press while a new mom certainly NEEDS a carseat. Whether someone hosts your shower or not, the mom to be is usually putting together her own registry so aren't you already asking for gifts for yourself?

With my son's shower my best friend very kindly offered a location as we were living in a studio and to throw the party for me - and then shattered her ankle on vacation and was restricted to the couch for the better part of 4 months. Between her medical bills and being laid up just a couple weeks before the party- who do you think organized, prepped and PAID for it? Should I have cancelled my shower 2 weeks before? Ultimately I felt better about doing it myself than having someone do it for me. I felt putting the party on and doing so out of my pocket was a good way to thank my friends and family that were so generously (and gladly) gifting for the arrival of my son. Honestly, I would have been ostracized by my family and friends if I didn't have a party!

To me it's all really circumstantial - take good consideration of your local family and friends. If they would be offended, it's probably not worth the stress. But my take on showers? Hosted by the parents? Co-ed? Go for it! My biggest no-no's are if you have registered then under no circumstance may you have a pot luck. Never register for items that are for household use (stereos, tv's, etc.) Don't ask for gifts as well as a diaper trade-in for booze, make them part of the registry instead and the party should match the registry. Asking for a $1500 stroller? You better not be serving $5 frozen pizzas. In short - use as much common sense as possible .

Rant over.

If they would've gotten mad enough to "ostracize" you, then why didn't they step up and throw it themselves? This is an absolutely ridiculous post...

So this person is completely clueless...yikes.

I love how she gives a list of "no-no's" while saying throwing your own shower is completely acceptable.

Unknown · October 2012

This content has been removed.

Liz4444 · October 2012

raynadawn:
Showers for babies are such a touchy subject and it always comes back to the gifts. nbsp;Consider a wedding registry and wedding. nbsp;Not many balk at a couple funding a wedding themselves these days. Certainly the bride and groom ask for items for their wedding presents it's not like their MIL is picking out their new bedroom linens. nbsp;And I think an argument can be made that they don't NEED a panini press while a new mom certainly NEEDS a carseat. nbsp; Whether someone hosts your shower or not, the mom to be is usually putting together her own registry so aren't you already asking for gifts for yourself?nbsp;With my son's shower my best friend very kindly offered a location as we were living in a studio and to throw the party for me and then shattered her ankle on vacation and was restricted to the couch for the better part of 4 months. nbsp;Between her medical bills and being laid up just a couple weeks before the party who do you think organized, prepped and PAID for it? nbsp;Should I have cancelled my shower 2 weeks before? Ultimately I felt better about doing it myself than having someone do it for me. nbsp; I felt putting the party on and doing so out of my pocket was a good way to thank my friends and family that were so generously and gladly gifting for the arrival of my son. nbsp; Honestly, I would have been ostracized by my family and friends if I didn't have a party!nbsp;To me it's all really circumstantial take good consideration of your local family and friends. nbsp;If they would be offended, it's probably not worth the stress. nbsp;But my take on showers? Hosted by the parents? Coed? Go for it! My biggest nono's are if you have registered then under no circumstance may you have a pot luck. Never register for items that are for household use stereos, tv's, etc. Don't ask for gifts as well as a diaper tradein for booze, make them part of the registry instead and the party should match the registry. nbsp;Asking for a 1500 stroller? You better not be serving 5 frozen pizzas. nbsp;In short use as much common sense as possible :. nbsp;nbsp;Rant over.nbsp;

Brides set up a registry for the bridal shower, not the wedding. The bridal shower is hosted by someone othe than the bride. Bridal shower equals baby shower, wedding equals birth of baby. Baby shower does not equal wedding. Get it?

Aleja0918 · October 2012

Liz4444:
Baby shower does not equal wedding. Get it?

The fact that this even has to be said is sad.

scj110610 · November 2012

honey - its best to avoid the topic of baby shower all together on these boards.

DaphneM7 · November 2012

Dooooo it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your friends probably arent as judgemental as these board ladies anyways.

Liz4444 · November 2012

AmyLKorbal:

Liz4444:
raynadawn:
Showers for babies are such a touchy subject and it always comes back to the gifts. nbsp;Consider a wedding registry and wedding. nbsp;Not many balk at a couple funding a wedding themselves these days. Certainly the bride and groom ask for items for their wedding presents it's not like their MIL is picking out their new bedroom linens. nbsp;And I think an argument can be made that they don't NEED a panini press while a new mom certainly NEEDS a carseat. nbsp; Whether someone hosts your shower or not, the mom to be is usually putting together her own registry so aren't you already asking for gifts for yourself?nbsp;With my son's shower my best friend very kindly offered a location as we were living in a studio and to throw the party for me and then shattered her ankle on vacation and was restricted to the couch for the better part of 4 months. nbsp;Between her medical bills and being laid up just a couple weeks before the party who do you think organized, prepped and PAID for it? nbsp;Should I have cancelled my shower 2 weeks before? Ultimately I felt better about doing it myself than having someone do it for me. nbsp; I felt putting the party on and doing so out of my pocket was a good way to thank my friends and family that were so generously and gladly gifting for the arrival of my son. nbsp; Honestly, I would have been ostracized by my family and friends if I didn't have a party!nbsp;To me it's all really circumstantial take good consideration of your local family and friends. nbsp;If they would be offended, it's probably not worth the stress. nbsp;But my take on showers? Hosted by the parents? Coed? Go for it! My biggest nono's are if you have registered then under no circumstance may you have a pot luck. Never register for items that are for household use stereos, tv's, etc. Don't ask for gifts as well as a diaper tradein for booze, make them part of the registry instead and the party should match the registry. nbsp;Asking for a 1500 stroller? You better not be serving 5 frozen pizzas. nbsp;In short use as much common sense as possible :. nbsp;nbsp;Rant over.nbsp;
Brides set up a registry for the bridal shower, not the wedding. The bridal shower is hosted by someone othe than the bride. Bridal shower equals baby shower, wedding equals birth of baby. Baby shower does not equal wedding. Get it?

My brother's wife organized, planned, threw, and paid for her bridal shower. No one cared. What they did care about, however, was that no one got a thank you card.

How do you know no one cared? Do you have ESP so you know what they are all thinking? Obviously, no one has ever lied and said they think something is wonderful when what they really think is the exact opposite.

DaphneM7 · November 2012

Liz4444:
raynadawn:
Showers for babies are such a touchy subject and it always comes back to the gifts. nbsp;Consider a wedding registry and wedding. nbsp;Not many balk at a couple funding a wedding themselves these days. Certainly the bride and groom ask for items for their wedding presents it's not like their MIL is picking out their new bedroom linens. nbsp;And I think an argument can be made that they don't NEED a panini press while a new mom certainly NEEDS a carseat. nbsp; Whether someone hosts your shower or not, the mom to be is usually putting together her own registry so aren't you already asking for gifts for yourself?nbsp;With my son's shower my best friend very kindly offered a location as we were living in a studio and to throw the party for me and then shattered her ankle on vacation and was restricted to the couch for the better part of 4 months. nbsp;Between her medical bills and being laid up just a couple weeks before the party who do you think organized, prepped and PAID for it? nbsp;Should I have cancelled my shower 2 weeks before? Ultimately I felt better about doing it myself than having someone do it for me. nbsp; I felt putting the party on and doing so out of my pocket was a good way to thank my friends and family that were so generously and gladly gifting for the arrival of my son. nbsp; Honestly, I would have been ostracized by my family and friends if I didn't have a party!nbsp;To me it's all really circumstantial take good consideration of your local family and friends. nbsp;If they would be offended, it's probably not worth the stress. nbsp;But my take on showers? Hosted by the parents? Coed? Go for it! My biggest nono's are if you have registered then under no circumstance may you have a pot luck. Never register for items that are for household use stereos, tv's, etc. Don't ask for gifts as well as a diaper tradein for booze, make them part of the registry instead and the party should match the registry. nbsp;Asking for a 1500 stroller? You better not be serving 5 frozen pizzas. nbsp;In short use as much common sense as possible :. nbsp;nbsp;Rant over.nbsp;
Brides set up a registry for the bridal shower, not the wedding. The bridal shower is hosted by someone othe than the bride. Bridal shower equals baby shower, wedding equals birth of baby. Baby shower does not equal wedding. Get it?

Pretty sure plenty of people shop off the registry to purchase the wedding gift, whether or not they attended the bridal shower. It really should be NBD who throws the shower

Liz4444 · November 2012

DaphneM7:

Liz4444:
raynadawn:
Showers for babies are such a touchy subject and it always comes back to the gifts. nbsp;Consider a wedding registry and wedding. nbsp;Not many balk at a couple funding a wedding themselves these days. Certainly the bride and groom ask for items for their wedding presents it's not like their MIL is picking out their new bedroom linens. nbsp;And I think an argument can be made that they don't NEED a panini press while a new mom certainly NEEDS a carseat. nbsp; Whether someone hosts your shower or not, the mom to be is usually putting together her own registry so aren't you already asking for gifts for yourself?nbsp;With my son's shower my best friend very kindly offered a location as we were living in a studio and to throw the party for me and then shattered her ankle on vacation and was restricted to the couch for the better part of 4 months. nbsp;Between her medical bills and being laid up just a couple weeks before the party who do you think organized, prepped and PAID for it? nbsp;Should I have cancelled my shower 2 weeks before? Ultimately I felt better about doing it myself than having someone do it for me. nbsp; I felt putting the party on and doing so out of my pocket was a good way to thank my friends and family that were so generously and gladly gifting for the arrival of my son. nbsp; Honestly, I would have been ostracized by my family and friends if I didn't have a party!nbsp;To me it's all really circumstantial take good consideration of your local family and friends. nbsp;If they would be offended, it's probably not worth the stress. nbsp;But my take on showers? Hosted by the parents? Coed? Go for it! My biggest nono's are if you have registered then under no circumstance may you have a pot luck. Never register for items that are for household use stereos, tv's, etc. Don't ask for gifts as well as a diaper tradein for booze, make them part of the registry instead and the party should match the registry. nbsp;Asking for a 1500 stroller? You better not be serving 5 frozen pizzas. nbsp;In short use as much common sense as possible :. nbsp;nbsp;Rant over.nbsp;
Brides set up a registry for the bridal shower, not the wedding. The bridal shower is hosted by someone othe than the bride. Bridal shower equals baby shower, wedding equals birth of baby. Baby shower does not equal wedding. Get it?

Pretty sure plenty of people shop off the registry to purchase the wedding gift, whether or not they attended the bridal shower. It really should be NBD who throws the shower

raynadawn · December 2012

scj110610:
honey - its best to avoid the topic of baby shower all together on these boards.

Woah... Looks like you have the right of it. Was not expecting such an overall negative response although more time spent on the discussion boards has been enlightening! Next time I feel like getting a rise out of people I'll have to stop by the shower board. People will hate.

Don't know why I'm doing this but, here we go!

To clear a few things up: no I would not have been ostracized - that's what a hyperbole looks like. That the majority of responders treat shower posters that aren't following 1965 etiquette to a "T", as if they're gift-whoring idiots... sort of makes me sick. This is supposed to be fun. My family and friends would have been disappointed (happy with that word?) to know that I wasn't having a party - and yet none of them where either in a physical or financial position to host one. Being able to give someone a $35 gift is not the same as putting a party on.

My advice was only to follow your instincts, pay attention to your friends and family and to use some sense when putting the party on and registering. Do they honestly care who hosts? Or is it about having a chance to have some fun and celebrate with you? Are they able to give gifts at all? Be conscience of what you're asking for, whether it matches the party and what people are able to give. Pretty simple questions to ask yourself. If it's going to be a cause of great stress- AVOID! I've been to showers with no registries (read, mom got a huge pile of fluffy blankets and stuffed animals because people are going to give regardless) and showers with ridiculous gift lists - in nearly all cases, mom hosted, most were co-ed. Two were for second children (gasp! shocking!). And no one seemed to give a rat a** that we weren't going with tradition. It's been the showers where the atmosphere was relaxed, the gift list was reasonable and the party was - well, about having a party to for a mom to be that we all cared about - that are reminisced upon in a positive light. And yes - hate it all you like, but I firmly believe that throwing a party is a good way of showing you are grateful for people's generosity - no matter what the gift giving occasion is.

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