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Blended Families
Phone communication
My DD12 usually calls BD a couple of times a week just to check in and chat. SM texted me and apparently this isn't enough and I should make her do it more often. How many times do your kids call BD or BM when they are with you? I feels like she has a phone and he is welcome to call her whenever why does it have to fall on me "making her" call.
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Re: Phone communication
First of all, why is SM texting you demanding that DD call more often? If BD wants to talk to his daughter more frequently, then he needs to be the one asking for it.
I guess this all just depends on how frequently DD sees BD. K is with us 40% of the time and we rarely go more than 3 days without seeing her. My husband doesn't demand phone calls from K when she's with BM, nor do we have K call BM when she's with us. But if K is with us on BM's birthday, we make sure she calls. Same with holidays. During the Summer when we have K for 10 days, we'll have her call BM, and expect the same courtesy from BM. My kiddos only see DC once or twice a year and they have no desire to talk to him. So on the rare occasion he calls, my daughter will talk for a couple minutes but that's it.
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First, Third and Fifth Weekends of the month and mid week evening that he never takes. I don't know why SM is texting me apparently she sees that it is my duty to promote more of a relationship with her BD. Beyond frustrating as in my mind I am thinking he needs to give some and pick up the friggin phone.
I also was wondering why SM is texting you? And I am a SM....I would never do that. The only time I contact BM is if i'm passing info along for something important that DH was not there to get/do himself or if she asked me to contact her over something. That should be completely between BD and BM and at this point if I were you I'd be as nice as possible about it all but contact him by email and ask what his feelings are and if you can work something out that works for everyone.
My step-kids are 13 and 15 and they both have phones. If we want to talk/text them, we initiate. It's not very high on their priority list to call one of us everyday, they have more important things to do (as they always joke).
But I think it means more to the kids if we contact them and not vice versa. The only time I expect them to initiate contact is on our bdays or special event.
SS (age 6) has a cell phone for DH to call. and he does call every day around 5:30 or 6 on his way home from work. Even if it is to just leave a message (BM has the tendency to not let DH talk to SS), but he maks it a point to call every day. We only see SS at Thanksgiving, CHristmas Break and all summer, so any time we get to talk or Skype with SS we jump on it.
I assume you are happy with your relationship with your kids so you are all set.
Your ex needs to work on his if he is not happy. It is never the kids 'job' and it sounds like your DD does more than her share.
I would actually respond and tell her that's its not you or DD job. Only because if this is boiling in her for whatever reason I fear she will guilt your DD when she sees her. So my advice is to nip it in the bud.
It's definitely the parent's job to do the calling IMO. Especially if they are the one unhappy with the arrangement. The only times I remind DD to call her BD is on birthdays (his or SMs, ect), holidays that she is with us. DH calls my SKs and doesn't rely on them to call us.
Hop- I'm sure lots of parents don't have their kids on the parent's birthdays. My birthday is New Years (so a week after Christmas) and BM's is a few days before Christmas because of holiday orders she and I both spend every other year without our kids on our birthdays. The only birthdays in our COs are the kids' birthdays.
Sometimes. Her birthday is at the beginning of the month and it has landed on our weekend. Just like my husband's birthday is towards the end of the month and tends to land during BM's time.
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In CA most Courts won't even deal with parent's birthdays or the child's birthday in the holiday schedule unless the parents have stipulated and agreed to something. What happens when the birthday lands in the middle of the week and the child has school? Do the parents get to keep the child out of school in order to celebrate? My husband asked for it during mediation and BM said "no". So for my husband's birthday we make sure we celebrate with K either the Friday leading up to his birthday or on Tuesday following his birthday. I assume BM does the same.
I think gin made an excellent point regarding when birthdays land during holidays. My birthday is 9/2 and it's always Labor Day weekend or Labor Day itself. Since most holiday schedules include Labor Day, I would be interrupting BD's holiday time asking for my birthday each year. That is, assuming he ever used any holiday time with the kids.
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This is not in our court order, and we have had SS several times on BM's bday.
To the OP- the BD should be building a relationship, I dont think you need to make her call more.
If BD's fingers aren't broken, he can pick up the phone and call DD. End of story in my opinion.
I agree with Phantom, nip it in the bud.
I would respond with a "I will let DD know to be expecting more calls from her dad. She is out of school by <time> each day and has <insert any extra curriculars here>, but should otherwise be available to talk to him. If she misses his call she'll call him back."