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Stay at Home Moms
How do you define SAH?
I just started a very part time retail job. Today I was working with a customer who said she SAH. I told her I did too and she looked at me like I was crazy and said "No you don't, you are here working"
I just thought it was odd. I spend around 10 hours a week working and the rest I am with DS 24/7.
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Re: How do you define SAH?
I work about 8 hours a week as a companion to an autistic man but I did that before the LO arrived and nobody considered me a working wife so I still consider myself a SAHM. Also, the kiddo comes with me usually so I'm not even away from him during it.
In your situation, I see both of your points and I don't think there is a right answer really.
I consider a stay at home mother somebody who doesn't have a career. I worked at a children's store when DD was younger. I think I worked 8-10 hours a week while she was in MDO.
ETA- I never considered myself a working mother, neither did my friends or family. The working moms I know are professors, doctors, lawyers, etc. People with "real" jobs, not a job that I did for the discount!
It's weird--I've always worked at some level and part of the time I considered myself a pt working mom while the other half I consider myself a SAHM.
My first part time job was 15-20 hours a week days. I considered myself a pt working mom then. My kids weren't with me all the time and went to daycare/were taken care of by my mom when I was working. I consider that more "working".
My job now is 5-10 hours a week during the evenings when my kids are asleep. I'm home with them all day everyday 7 days a week. I identify with being a SAHM as my primary "job" now even though I technically still work.
See, I disagree with the idea that a working mom that works 60 hours a week is the same as a mom who works freelance 10 hours a week from home after her kids go to bed. Their roles are just totally different and so are their struggles. I'm with kate--I identify someone as a "working mom" who goes to work 5 days a week and has a "real" job (not that I wouldn't consider someone who worked in retail 40 hours a week "not" working).
I have a friend who is a working mom and has two jobs--one is 40 hours a week and the other is waitressing 2 nights a week while her ex-DH has her kids. When someone asks her what she does for a living she identifies herself with the "main" job she does 40 hours a week. I consider a SAHM who works very part time the same kind of idea--you tend to identify yourself with what your "primary" job is.
We'll just agree to disagree.
Not because I want to be known as a SAHM, but because I don't feel like that was working enough to be considered a working mom. I wasn't missing any time with DD and wasn't sacrificing anything like my friends that are true WMs do. I guess it's also the culture down here...everything says they're a SAHM, but a lot of them work a couple of hours a week.
Exactly. Since my primary job has always been taking care of DD, I'll always consider myself a SAHM. She was in MDO, so I didn't even need a sitter.
Oh and I totally think any job you do for 40 hours a week is a "real" job. I was just having a hard time explaining what I meant if it came across that way.
I'm guessing she didn't know your schedule, I probably would have been confused too (but wouldn't have said that).
I guess it just depends on the situation. My friend has a full time job, but she's a nurse who does all her hours over the course of 3 night shifts. Her DD is sleeping the vast majority of the time she is at work. I would consider her to be a SAHM by day since she's really with her LO all day, every day.
DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
What is MDO then? Isn't it a few hours in daycare? They don't have it by me but how could it not be considered a sitter?
Also, on the topic of a working mom who works 60 hours a week being the same as one who works less--I go to networking/education events in my field to keep up with my professional network for when I want to transfer back to the workforce in the future. If someone asked me what I was doing now and I responded "Oh, I'm a working mom!" when really I only worked 5 hours that week in front of women who were balancing careers and family they would likely laugh in my face. lol.
I define myself as SAHM with a PT job. I agree that if I told a friend who puts her kids in daycare works 60 hours a week that I was a working mom that she would laugh in my face.
My job isn't my career my child is.
So can I still hang out on the SAHM board? ; )
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I work about 10-15 hours a month, doing freelance event planning for our township.
I def consider myself a SAHM though. I do technically work but since it's not really a set schedule and I do it from home around my family time I wouldn't compare myself to a women works full-time or even part-time really. I don't have anyone else care for my children.
Most of my SAHM friends do a couple hours of retail work, direct sales, or something along those lines. I know of only two who do not generate any sort of income.
I would consider someone who works 20 hours a week though a working mother if that makes any sense.
Natural M/c 12/13/08 at 8w5d
I don't get what is so confusing about identifying with what your primary role in your family is instead of what you do 10 hours a week or less. I can see if you work outside the home days in your career field 20 hours a week to feel more compelled to identify yourself as a part-time working mom as your primary job title--I did the same thing. In some instances I think it's more of a grey area.
What if I SAH but I volunteer at the local animal shelter for 4 hours a week? Am I misrepresenting myself if someone asks what I do and I say SAHM instead of animal shelter volunteer since technically I do something outside of the home?
I don't think so because that is a volunteer position. You aren't working in a capacity that brings home a paycheck. I think that is the main distinction in my mind. If a mom works outside the house for a prolonged period of time during the week and brings home a paycheck.
I really don't understand why it matters though, honestly. If someone considers themselves a SAHM and has a job on the side for a couple hours a week then that is how they choose to define themselves. Just because I stay home 24/7 with no other wage-earning side job doesn't mean that I am somehow better than them or something.
My job is my kids and that's it. I'm alright with that. If someone else wants to work a little bit I don't think that somehow takes away from their being at home the rest of the week.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
It's a preschool type program at our church. I wouldn't call it daycare or a sitter...more of a preschool atmosphere based on what I know about daycare. She did go to daycare at one point and I would not say they were at all the same. Oh and she was going to MDO first, which is actually why I got the job because I had free time.
LOL Because EVERYTHING is up for discussion and dissection on this board.
I would say SAHM is not working at all.
That being said, who the heck cares if someone questions you. You know you are home with your child all the time, there is no need to explain any circumstances to a stranger
This.
The definition of unemployed is "not currently working but actvely seeking gainful (paid) employment" so if you are looking for a job, that would be correct! But most SAHMs are not unemployed, by definition. I personally am not actively looking for a job.
OP- she saw you working, so her reaction was reasonable. I consider a SAHM not working at all- the number of hours you put in a week would definitely constitute part time, which is totally fine. Nothing to get worked up about!
Ditto. If you'd said something about how little you work she wouldn't have thought it was so odd. I think that to most people, a SAHM is someone who doesn't work at all.
If I worked, even a few hours a week I'd say, "I work a few hours a week and the rest of the time I'm home with my kids" or something along those lines. IMO, if you're going to work even very PT I think you should acknowledge it.
Yes, so we are in agreement.
I consider myself a part-time working mom, I work 2 days a week from home doing freelance writing and design. My hours are very flexible and I work around preschool or on the weekends as needed.
However, I used to have a corporate job with travel, commute etc. and now I find myself refering to myself as "Staying at home" lot because it is so much different from being a full-time working mom so I often say things like "now that I am a SAHM". . . . . Technically I do stay at home all day, my kids go somewhere else 2x a week
I also used to frequent the working moms board and now I find more relevant posts on this board.
So, whatever the world considers me, I feel that I am more of a stay at home mom in my general day to day activities/lifestyle than a working mom. But, if someone met me at work I wouldn't tell them I am a SAHM.
Or meeting somebody at NA and telling them you never inhaled.
I guess it's a semantics thing because I see no difference between "DD's care is my main responsibility day to day" and a SAHM. A lot of people see a SAHM being the opposite of a working mom and you're either one or the other. I don't see it that way. I see a stay at home mom as what the title says--the person stays at home to provide care for their child/manage the household on a day-to-day basis as their primary responsibility.
If you're working a significant amount of hours during the day while your child is in childcare I could see feeling that it's most appropriate to identify as a working mom. I just don't see any difference between a SAHM who has no work outside the home and a SAHM who does some freelance work at home while her kid is in preschool. I don't think she's staying at home any less because she chooses to spend her down time earning some extra cash nor do I think she's being deceitful if she doesn't define herself by her freelance job.
When I define myself I feel that it's more appropriate to label myself by what my primary role is which is what I spend 7 days a week all day everyday doing--not how I spend my down time. It's not embarassment or shame but just defining yourself in what you feel like your role is within your family.