Anxious and guilt ridden about going to work :

Re: Anxious and guilt ridden about going to work :

• Ecy member

  November 2012

  For some (including myself), leaving your child in a DC setting for the first time can be sooooooo tough! I thought I was going to lose it and if I had a choice at the time, I probably wouldn't have made it past the first few days. I'm also a teacher and I truly contemplated trying to get out of my contract and do what I had to do financially to make it work. My DD was close to 4 months when I went back.

  I just want to say that I'm so happy that I stuck with it because I love teaching and would have missed it terribly. I love being able to fulfill my passion in my career and then come home to an amazing DD where I also get to fulfill my passion as her mother. It took me a few weeks to not be incredibly sad and a few months to feel good. You really do have to give it time to truly be able to make a rational decision.

  It may be hard because your LO is older and I don't know how she will be with separation anxiety. After having all summer off with DD, it was miserable getting back into the groove of DC for the first 2 weeks this school year. Now, she is happy as can be going to school in the morning. She has sweet friends at DC, a loving teacher where she is learning to trust in other adults, and gets to do all sorts of learning & fun activties that I would not be able to do with her on a daily basis.

  Give yourself and your LO a few weeks to adjust. I hope you end up loving the decision as much as I do.

  http://wwwmedia.theknot.com/profiles/avatar.aspx?username=Ecy&cache=false

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• EastCoastBride member

  November 2012

  You will still be close.  Trust me.  I went back to work when DS was 3 months old, and I've always been his "go to" person.  I have a job that has a certain degree of flexibility w/ my hours and my time off, and I feel I get a LOT of time with him. 

  Plus you actually also need to think about preparing your DD for the 'real world'.  It's great that you've always been able to be with her, but I think you need to start setting HER up to deal w/ the world w/o you always there.  If it's not now, it's going to be preschool, or kindergarten, or... who knows when.  But at some point, you are going to have to let her "go".   At first it probably will be rough - there probably will be seperation anxiety on her part.

  But in the long run, this will be good for her.

  Just in the past couple weeks, I've had a couple moments of TOTAL pride for my DS (who is almost 4) in how confident and secure he is in going off and doing things w/o me.  Just last week, my parents took hiim to the dentist and he went back to get looked at all by himself.  This shocked me on one hand, but also made me VERY proud.  This shows me that he is secure and confident.  And he gets this partially from being away from me (or DH, or my parents) and when he wants to come back to us - we're there for him. 

  As someone else said - look at the positive side to this, because there IS a positive side.

  "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
  ~Benjamin Franklin

  
  DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

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• shannm member

  November 2012

  Your feelings are normal. However, don't fret! You will NOT lose that bond. My DS and DD have been in daycare since 6/7 weeks. We absolutely have a normal mother/child bond. My DD loves her DCP and is all smiles at drop off. But come pick up time, if she sees me and then I step out of the room for a second, she freaks. Red face and intense crying. She knows her Momma.
  It will be good for your LO to be exposed to other caregivers at this age. I bet she will actually enjoy the additional stimulation.

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• emilyec1 member

  November 2012

  The PPs offered great advice...I would like to add that for me the anticipation of returning to work was MUCH worse than actually returning to work!!  I've only been at it 3 weeks, but getting into a routine and knowing what to expect then waiting around for the inevitable. Best of luck to you; once you figure out your new routine and life together you'll be great!

  

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• boogerbearoriginal member

  November 2012

  I went back at 11wks, and my LO stayed with family and I still was nervous and cried a lot the days before going back. However actually going back was no where near as terrible as the anticipation.

  LO will still love you very much and you will not lose your bond. It's about quality not quantity! Since she's older you may find comfort in explaining to her that Mommy's going to work, but she will pick you up at x time, blahblahblah.

  There may be an adjustment period, but like anything new it takes time to get into a routine. But as much as I fretted about going back I love being a working mom. 
  

  
  
  

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• PiperS member

  November 2012

  Thank you for all the great advice and encouragement, ladies. I think it will be easier once we're in the routine. The anticipation is killing me!

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• bebeblue44 member

  November 2012

  I think feeling guilty about leaving your baby is totally normal. It means you're a great mom and love that job! I too am a teacher and I had to go back to work when my now 2 year old was just 12 weeks old.  I am now pregnant with my second child and I have even more sadness leaving every morning knowing that these are the last few months I can spend with just my daughter.  And it doesn't make it any better that you have to leave your child behind tom spend the day with other people's children.  Just try to make the most of your vacation days that we get with teaching!

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