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Natural Birth
jcookie0723
member
Support people during labor
jcookie0723
member
We are planning on using the Bradley Method and obviously my husband will be my coach. We hadn't planned on having anyone else in the room with us while I was laboring or delivering, but it just crossed my mind that he may need some support. It seems like everything we are reading/learning so far focuses so much on the partner not leaving your side and how important that is. What if he needs food, water, to go to the bathroom, just needs a short break, etc? It feels like I will be heavily depending on him for comfort and support. So now I am thinking about inviting my mom to the hospital and in the room (at least during labor, probably not during delivery, haven't decided) as an extra support person, to take pictures, keep other family members updated, support him as needed, whatever.
Did any of you find that necessary? Did your husband/partner need some support themselves? We are not interested in hiring a doula.
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Re: Support people during labor
Definitely just do whatever you're comfortable with. I would ask your husband what his feelings are.
Going into labor last time I wasn't sure that I wanted anyone, but MH there. I ended up wanting my family there as well and they were helpful. This time though I think it's just going to be me, MH, and the MW because we're planning to use Hypnobabies and I just think with the level of concentration that will be happening, the fewer people the better. Also, I'm hoping not to be laboring in the hospital as long anyway so hopefully both MH and I will be more comfortable at home.
Possibly another option you could consider, do you have any friends/family close to the hospital? Maybe you could have someone close to you "on call" to come up and relieve your H for a short period of time if need be.
I honestly don't think it's a huge concern though. Yes, labor is demanding in some ways on the support person, but they can get through it. It's not like you get to leave and take a break. I'm not saying that because you can't they shouldn't either, but I'm just saying, they'll probably be so focused on what's going on, they'll be riding the same waves as you are in many ways, you know? I'd toss a few nutrient dense snacks into the bag and plan on your H staying with you the whole time.
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My mom was there in addition to DH because I wanted her to be present for DS's birth. Her job was to write down what happened when to help with writing my birth story and to take pictures. It was good to have her there for those things, but I didn't ever need her to relieve/support DH. Actually, for a couple hours, I was in the adjoining bathroom in the jacuzzi tub trying to nod off and DH was in the main L&D room I think trying to get in a nap himself. There wasn't anywhere for him to sit in the bathroom other than the toilet (no lid) and he could hear me and came in whenever I wanted him to. Even if you do want him around constantly, you will usually have a few minutes between contractions for most of labor so unless he was going to camp out in the bathroom for an extended period of time he may not miss any or just 1-2 contractions if he needs to go to the bathroom. And there are nurses around and your care provider so it's not like you are ever totally alone if you don't want to be.
Anyway, I think you're fine either way, but I don't think you NEED to have someone else there if you'd rather not.
DS, May 2011
My mom, SIL and DH were there during most of labor, and delivery. DH was super focused on me and what was going on, so it was nice to have my Mom and SIL there to keep the mood light, joke, talk, etc, even if they weren't talking to me. Since we were at the hospital it created a more "home-like" atmosphere for me.
If you would be comfortable with your mom there, it's nice having someone to take the pictures, update family, and do little running/errands without DH having to leave. But you still have her there in case he needs a little break.
I am a FTM, so take this all with a grain of salt - but I think you should do whatever makes you most the comfortable, and definitely ask your husband if he would appreciate having the additional support or if he would prefer that it just be the two of you.
The MWs I am delivering with *require* you to have additional labor support beyond your partner. Most women hire a doula, but it can be any woman who has given birth naturally (we are using my mom). They say the reasons for this are three-fold: (1) The father is experiencing the birth of his child and should be able to have that experience (rather than thinking of the father only as support for the mother); (2) because of #1, the experience for fathers is really intense and they often need breaks - to eat, to shower, to use the bathroom, etc. - and having additional labor support ensures that both supporters get the breaks the need to provide the best support possible; and (3) fathers, especially first time fathers, *tend* to want drugs faster than anyone else because they hate to see their partners in so much pain that they can't control.
Having additional labor support isn't the best choice for everyone, and obviously all men approach birth differently and provide different kinds of support. I know my husband will be super anxious during our daughter's birth and will hate seeing me in pain, so having additional support makes sense for us. I also went into this knowing I *needed* my mom there, so having her act as our "doula" was the best path forward.