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February 2013 Moms
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Thanks mom ... (vent)

ohlordyohlordy member
in February 2013 Moms

Grr. Im still mad about this.

DH and I wanted to keep the sex of the baby a secret. We already know, and didn't want to share this with everyone yet. My mom seemed super bummed for a while and once she calmed down and stopped bugging me to tell her, I felt that maybe we could share it with my parents for now and tell others when we are ready. MY Big mistake.

Over the weekend, at a funeral, I had 2 people approach me saying "OH, YOU'RE HAVING A _____, YOUR MOM TOLD ME." to which I respond, "no, we don't know yet, she may think this, but she doesn't know herself." This happened in front of my sister, who doesn't even know yet.  DH wasn't there and I haven't told him yet because i'm not ready to deal with the backlash from him. Since we've been dating, he hates how my mom tries to control my life and make it "mandatory" for me to attend events.

I privately approached her after the funeral and she made some stupid face and said "what, i'm excited ..." and then turned it around on me and got mad at me for expecting her to keep it a secret. Ahh, the guilt trips have returned. Thanks mom, i've been waiting to see where those went!

Bla bla bla, long story short, I don't want my mom in the hospital room anymore when I deliver. I just needed to vent since I haven't mentioned this to my husband and I have no one to talk to about this.

I blame myself for telling her anything. So really, it should be titled "Thanks, me"

 

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Re: Thanks mom ... (vent)

  • kelly321kelly321 member

    :-/ How frustrating. And in the future if your mom tries to guilt trip you into telling her something again, you can remind her that she blamed you for telling her the sex of the baby and expecting her to keep it a secret, so you're just doing her a favor by not telling her.

    Something like that would make me really angry. If I tell someone something in confidence (and make it clear that it is a secret), then I expect it to stay that way.


    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

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  • amberrae45amberrae45
    My mother and MIL are the same way. And I'm helpless when it comes to the guilt trips and give in pretty quickly, so I just make DH do all the dirty work when it comes to baby related things.

    I know its super stressful and I hope your husband doesn't get too upset with you.
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  • MouseInLuxMouseInLux member
    I'm sorry to say this but if you didn't want people to know you should've of told your mum, you can't control her. 99 of people who find out but want to keep it a secret fail. It's life, deal.
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  • lemonadepinklemonadepink
    That would be really annoying.  You should probably go ahead and tell your husband before someone asks him too.
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  • ohlordyohlordy member
    Yes, very true. I should have never told her. My mistake from the start. Just kinda bummed now.
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  • ohlordyohlordy member

    imagelemonadepink:
    That would be really annoying.  You should probably go ahead and tell your husband before someone asks him too.

    Yep ... I told him earlier today and it didn't go over very well. But .... we move on from here.

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  • jiffy-popjiffy-pop member
    I understand your frustration with your mom considering her track record but why are you so adamant about keeping the sex a secret? In the grand scheme of things, people finding out the sex of the baby is not a big deal. You are about to have your own child and your own little family. Your priorities and the things you worry about now are about to change drastically so this little situation will seem stupid and trivial once your baby arrives. Just go ahead and start telling people what you are having so you won't have to worry about keeping it a secret any longer. One less thing to stress over. It sounds like keeping this secret is just going to cause family drama anyway. You don't want that negativity hanging over this special time in your life.
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  • mandykanemandykane member

    I'm so sorry your mom is being so frustrating!  

    If it makes you feel any better, mine was the same way with a name.  She kept bugging me so I finally told her that we hadn't fully decided, but our top contender was Emily.  Found out from my step daughter that mom had been on the phone all day talking about all the stuff she's going to buy for Emily and what color we should paint Emily's room, etc.  I have since told her that we've changed our minds at least twice a week.  She called me out on it, I admitted that I had been teasing her with crazy names and she told me that I was being mean and by trying to kill her excitement I wasn't allowing her to "participate in the pregnancy."

    Aren't moms fun? 

     

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  • ohlordyohlordy member

    imagejiffy-pop:
    I understand your frustration with your mom considering her track record but why are you so adamant about keeping the sex a secret? In the grand scheme of things, people finding out the sex of the baby is not a big deal. You are about to have your own child and your own little family. Your priorities and the things you worry about now are about to change drastically so this little situation will seem stupid and trivial once your baby arrives. Just go ahead and start telling people what you are having so you won't have to worry about keeping it a secret any longer. One less thing to stress over. It sounds like keeping this secret is just going to cause family drama anyway. You don't want that negativity hanging over this special time in your life.

    It was just what DH and I decided. We are just asssholes like that. :) I know it wont stay a secret forever, but it's just what we wanted. The only person who was giving us serious grief over this was my mom. Everyone else respects our decision and is just happy that we are adding to our family. 

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