IFV Revival? Parameters?

glueck · November 2012

Although I am on the Facebook board, I still lurk around here. I definitely understand the need to revive this board for the sake of those who are simply not comfortable with with facebook format. I know I that without this IFV board, I would have left the IF bump boards long ago, and there seems to be a desperate need for those who feel "left behind" by the successful IF cyclers to fins a new home.

We should discuss rules for admission to this board. I have *no* experience in this domain. I think Edwina was the gate keeper here and protected this board with a great deal of love. I think we should brainstorm a little bit as this board tries to recreate itself.

IFV is a necessary safe haven for women who have been through the wringer and are still still standing. What do we need? What do we think? I am happy to be a part of this even if I split my time between here and facebook.

Trippleb · November 2012

I think the parameters that were originally in place are still valid. It just seems that due to the inactivity of this board the transition from IF to IFV has disappeared. Previously a IF'er who wanted to merge here could offer support and get-to-know the vets before introducing themselves. Unfortunately that went away with the mass exit.

For those of us vets who want to keep this board, I think we just need to have a few polls and start posting again. If we build it they will come.

BellaLux · November 2012

Glueck, thanks for posting this!

I copy/paste your post from IF just so I could use it for reference:

"I still think that 6+ months of activity on IF board/Bronze poster minimum status/ and X number of failed treatment cycles (we have to define that X) will still be compulsory. Joining in the middle of a treatment cycle also always kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Eh."

Just a few questions for clarification: - I have no issues with the 6+ months/bronze poster minimum status--I'll be nearing that soon and it's given me time to develop relationships and just figure out what the heck to do next. However, I do have a question about "x number of failed trx cycles". I'll only have 1 failed cycle under my belt, and it will be this way for at least a year as DH and I don't plan to cycle again for a number of reasons (mentally, physically and most importantly financially). So, does this mean until I have more than 1 failed cycle I would not be welcome here?

Mrs.McIrish · November 2012

Glueck- I could not agree more about the mid-cycle joiners. Not acceptable as it is just like a drive-by if a week later you are saying your cycle worked. Wait until the end of your failed cycle.

Another thing that is a problem: I know there are some girls who have been around a long time that just can't cycle due to lack of funds. So they may not have "X" number of failed cycles and would be excluded if that criteria was there. I'm not sure what the answer is for that.

Mrs.McIrish · November 2012

Trippleb:

I think the parameters that were originally in place are still valid. It just seems that due to the inactivity of this board the transition from IF to IFV has disappeared. Previously a IF'er who wanted to merge here could offer support and get-to-know the vets before introducing themselves. Unfortunately that went away with the mass exit.

For those of us vets who want to keep this board, I think we just need to have a few polls and start posting again. If we build it they will come.

That was my initial point to Breezy's post-- new people without a home-- just revive this board. You don't need the oldtimers if you still want the board.

rockpaperlove · November 2012

Trippleb:

I think the parameters that were originally in place are still valid. It just seems that due to the inactivity of this board the transition from IF to IFV has disappeared. Previously a IF'er who wanted to merge here could offer support and get-to-know the vets before introducing themselves. Unfortunately that went away with the mass exit.

For those of us vets who want to keep this board, I think we just need to have a few polls and start posting again. If we build it they will come.

This.

glueck · November 2012

I don't necessarily think X number of failed cycles is necessary either, however I imagine that 75% of the time, people on this board have multiple failed cycles under their belts. (ugh) I think if all of the other pieces are there, this piece is more of a case by case.

Again- these are only suggestions. Whoever will be the gate keeper of this board, and it wont be me, will have to use her best judgement. I suggest its someone who uses ONLY IFV and not the facebook board as well.

I am just throwing things out there for those of you who are interested in reviving the board.

Jlynn3 · November 2012

I agree in the if you build it they will come philosophy. I also agree that some polls to get things rolling is a great idea.

In regards to the x number of cycles... I have to say that I fell into that category when this board was created. I was an active poster when IF was still TTTC, and stuck with it as it transitioned to IF and the introduction of IFV. I didn't have that many treatment cycles under my belt but as an active poster I was welcomed by the board. Developing relationships and showing support is an important part of joining the IFV board.

glueck · November 2012

Lastly- if you seriously think with all of your heart and soul that you belong here on IFV and you are NOT in the middle of a treatment cycle, make an intro post. I think of it as putting your flag in the sand.

joules12 · November 2012

rockpaperlove:
Trippleb:

I think the parameters that were originally in place are still valid. It just seems that due to the inactivity of this board the transition from IF to IFV has disappeared. Previously a IF'er who wanted to merge here could offer support and get-to-know the vets before introducing themselves. Unfortunately that went away with the mass exit.

For those of us vets who want to keep this board, I think we just need to have a few polls and start posting again. If we build it they will come.

This.

Agreed! I still check in here whenever I'm able to stop by TB. Although I'm in the FB group, I don't plan to stop visiting here as well. There are times when I can better access TB and times that FB works better for me (or, like recently, times when I don't seem to be able to spend much time on either board Sad ).

I'm so very thankful that this board existed when I started feeling very out of place and left behind on IF -- I certainly don't want it to disappear. That said, I doubt it will if, like PP have said, interested IFers start stopping by to intro and post.

Edwina.McDunnough · November 2012

Mrs.McIrish:

Another thing that is a problem: I know there are some girls who have been around a long time that just can't cycle due to lack of funds. So they may not have "X" number of failed cycles and would be excluded if that criteria was there. I'm not sure what the answer is for that.

This exactly. It's about being left behind, especially from people you've given support to, not necessarily having a long journey. If you are a stranger or new to the bump, IFV is not the board for you no matter how long your TTC journey.

may2806 · November 2012

Just wanted to say I'm also interested in keeping this board alive! I agree with what everyone else has said re: parameters to join etc.

SweetDahlia · November 2012

Edwina.McDunnough:
Mrs.McIrish:

Another thing that is a problem: I know there are some girls who have been around a long time that just can't cycle due to lack of funds. So they may not have "X" number of failed cycles and would be excluded if that criteria was there. I'm not sure what the answer is for that.

This exactly. It's about being left behind, especially from people you've given support to, not necessarily having a long journey. If you are a stranger or new to the bump, IFV is not the board for you no matter how long your TTC journey.

I agree with this. You have to be around to give support, not just show up when you need it. It's hard for me since we are kind of at a dead end and not sure what to do next. But I have spend a lot of time on this board and want it to be here for those who have no hope and need support and can give support. Not drive bys, or people who just think they are Vets. Some people just like to call themselves IF and they do not belong here.

Km672 · November 2012

I'm still not sure if I would be welcome here either.
I have only been posting 4 or 5 months, mainly because I felt very out of place. After discovering the bump after a few failures, I did not feel comfortable posting for the same reasons I do now.
Also, I start my 5th IVF cycle later this week and it seems as though my timing is off too. It seems as though I'd only be welcome if this cycle fails.

This is unfortunate for me because I consider myself to be very supportive and knowledgable, but I don't feel as though the IF board is really my place.

BzeetyD · November 2012

Thanks for starting this discussion.

It isn't as easy as "post an intro" because, you see, I did that below and got responses, but when nothing else is happening then it's like talking to crickets. I come over here multiple times a day to see what's been posted and...

As for parameters I agree with most of the points made but I don't have very strong feelings about it. Also I don't singularly want to police it - but I would be willing to be a part of a group that does that.

I sort of feel like there needs to actually be an active group posting before hardcore parameters are set.

It's a very difficult thing to do because so many gals belong in this club that no one wants to belong to and turning someone away who needs support is hard on my heart. But I understand and have witnessed the reasoning.

Edwina.McDunnough · November 2012

Km672. The "rules" are so people can join with clear(ish) parameters and to save any person from having to judge another. It's not a popularity contest or a matter of posts that are move valuable than another's It's so we can be a fair and consistent to everyone. Making exceptions or showing favoritism is unacceptable and unfair. It's hard enough defining what an "active poster" is, the time limit is (at least) a clear and finite delineation. The suggestion that anyone should be able to jump the fence (aka is entitled) when not one other person has had that opportunity is just wrong to me.

If folks want to bend this rule to encourage more people on this board I defer to the majority, however I'm not making the call. Its needs to be agreed upon by the majority, a timeframe for acceptance needs to be established, and someone needs to play gatekeeper. All with the understanding that some people will be REALLY PISSED because they were turned away in the past.

I'm sorry that you are not comfortable posting on IF but every single person in IFV has posted on IF, mostly for much longer than 6 months. I personally don't think that posting on IF for any less than 6 months is a horror show. It's the way IFVers can get to know you. And I'm not going into the importance of that because it's all in the FAQ.

Again, I defer to the majority but that is the thinking of how those rules were established, why I support it and act the way I do. If people want to revive the board for all the good reasons then you'll also have to understand the etiquette and ideology behind it, AND practice it as well. If these ideologies change then so be it, but it should be done with the collective in mind and not for the benefit of a single person.

Km672 · November 2012

I totally agree and understand with everything you said. If I am not welcome here because I don't meet the time limit criteria or because I am about to start a new cycle, I totally get it.
I will respect the wishes of the board members.
That being said, now that the parameters are being revisited, I will check in after they are further discussed.

mm29 · November 2012

Trippleb:

I think the parameters that were originally in place are still valid. It just seems that due to the inactivity of this board the transition from IF to IFV has disappeared. Previously a IF'er who wanted to merge here could offer support and get-to-know the vets before introducing themselves. Unfortunately that went away with the mass exit.

For those of us vets who want to keep this board, I think we just need to have a few polls and start posting again. If we build it they will come.

Agree!

may2806 · November 2012

Km672:
I'm still not sure if I would be welcome here either. I have only been posting 4 or 5 months, mainly because I felt very out of place. After discovering the bump after a few failures, I did not feel comfortable posting for the same reasons I do now. Also, I start my 5th IVF cycle later this week and it seems as though my timing is off too. It seems as though I'd only be welcome if this cycle fails.This is unfortunate for me because I consider myself to be very supportive and knowledgable, but I don't feel as though the IF board is really my place.

I think the reason the rule was put in place that you need to have a history of posting before coming over here is that the board was created by a core group of women who already knew and supported each other from the IF board. So in order to move to IFV you had to be a vet not only of treatment, but a vet of the boards. To be honest, I don't visit IF much anymore so anyone who comes over here now is going to be new to me...which may be my own fault. If there are going to be new members joining, I would not be opposed to someone like you, who has been through the ringer, also coming over. I probably would not have been in the past, but if this board is evolving I'm ok with it.

However like Edwina I do see the need to have, going forward, criteria for joining that is fact-based and not based on popularity or making exceptions. So maybe I'm not really sure what my position on this is...

Edwina.McDunnough · November 2012

Yeah, if you're a gold poster because you are avid on the Harry Potter board it really has no bearing on IF.

Gregermis · November 2012

I definitely would like to see this board revived as well.

Scoop77 · November 2012

I don't have six months of posting on the IF board. I think I meet the other criteria (if an FET counts as a failed cycle) and I don't know if you would count being on BCPs as being in the middle of a cycle or not. We have tentative plans to cycle in December but we may scrap that based on some family issues. I'll do whatever the general consensus is. I think you guys are awesome and I can wait if I need to. I like the fact that there's a place for people who've been there.

Bella2u07 · November 2012

Gregermis:
I definitely would like to see this board revived as well.

Ditto!

AmCheri · November 2012

Bella2u07:
Gregermis:
I definitely would like to see this board revived as well.
Ditto!

Me, too!

Jlynn3 · November 2012

Edwina.McDunnough:
Yeah, if you're a gold poster because you are avid on the Harry Potter board it really has no bearing on IF.

This made me giggle

ThereBeDragons · November 2012

Just to put another thing for thought out there-

I've never felt like I fit on the IFV boards. Not because I'm especially attached to watching people pass me by- but because I do tend to come and go on the Bump and I never seem to fit the parameters.

I've been off and on the Bump boards since 2009- off and on the IF boards since 2010. I'd like to think I'm fairly recognizable to the old timers. I come when I need support and when I feel I can provide support but I take breaks for my mental health. And those breaks often mean I don't have a consecutive 6 month posting history. Or, like now- I wind up coming back from months on PAIF and most of the people on the IF board are strangers. Strangers still on their first and second treatment cycles. So by the intent of the board and the idea that no exceptions should be made- I should spend my next 6 months supporting those people. Watching and waiting as most of them move on before I'm cleared to cycle post-loss. Again. Just to get permission to join the club.

I understand the need to be selective. To have rules and to make no exceptions. I understand the wish for a safe haven. But I also think that for the health of the board- to encourage new people to come along once the vets have gotten their BFPs or moved on- that its necessary to allow the board and the rules to evolve and change and accept the edge cases over time.

It's not like infertility is cut and dry. What defines a cycle- a failed cycle- an interrupted cycle- a cancelled cycle... It's all individual. When to move on from one treatment to another- when to move on to a different path in life- when to come to the Bump for help- even when to give up hope on trying naturally and go to the RE are all incredibly personalized decisions. Flexibility is key to surviving infertility- it might be something good to have even with the protected haven for vets.

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IFV Revival? Parameters?

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