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2nd time moms with toddlers at home...

niknak1128niknak1128 member
in Parenting after a Loss

DD is 7 days old today. DS will be 4 in December. I knew that he would adjust and I expected some jealousy and maybe a little bit of reverting back to acting like a baby but I never expected him to act out so bad!!! OMG he's so bad! He's sweet when it comes to the actual baby. He's always wanting to kiss her and hold her and hug her and things like that. He has to be reminded to be gentle and touch softly etc but he does pretty well.  With DH and I, however, totally different story. He never listens. He's hitting, pinching, kicking, throwing fits about absolutely everything. He's gotten up at 4am two mornings in a row and thrown an absolute cow. I kept telling him that it's 4am and he needs to lay back down because he has school.. I'll let him stay in our bed but I tell him he has to lay down and close his eyes. Instead, he starts crying and hitting me and telling me to get away from him and he doesn't like me and he wants breakfast and He wants to wake up now etc etc etc.  He had a time out before 6am!  He keeps trying to play with her stuff which I expected but I also don't want him breaking things! He keeps sitting in her swing and trying to get into her basinet and it's driving me bonkers! Perfect example, DS has been potty trained for almost an entire year. He hasn't had an accident in FOREVER.. so what does he do.. he freakin' poops on the floor!!!!!  Like after his bath, literally standing on the rug and says uh oh mommy.. I'm pooping... yeah big giant terd on the floor! He never ever does that! 

Initially, when we came home, DH was putting him to bed and doing baths (Which was always my thing before). So stopped letting DH do that. I let DH do the things he's always done with DS but I still put him to bed and cuddle and read to him and give him his baths etc.  I tell him I love him all the time like I always have. I try to praise him when he's been good... I'll tell him good job or thanks for helping me or whatever it is. I try to give him a task. Like if I have to change her, I'll say can you come help mommy and get me a baby wipe or a diaper and help me change her? And he'll get excited and say yes.  I'll ask him to help me do things and tell him that he's such a great helper!

All in all, I'm not sure it's working! I'm frustrated. First, because I can't stand the thought of him walking around thinking that mommy and daddy don't love him as much anymore. Second, because I really don't want him to continue to misbehave like this but I'm not sure how to balance discipline with reassuring him?  

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Re: 2nd time moms with toddlers at home...

  • Scooby2358Scooby2358 member

    DD was 2y5m when DS was born. The first 3 weeks were *awful*. Like you describe, she was nice to DS but really mad at DH and me (especially me). We saw tantrums like we've never seen from her. It started to get better after 3 weeks. She still acts out sometimes, especially when I'm nursing DS, but overall she is adjusting. We had to ignore some less important acting-out, and as long as she wasn't in danger or being unsafe around DS, we would let it go. That way we could make a point of giving her positive attention (just like you're doing) and it wouldn't be totally canceled out by scolding her.

    Hang in there, it is a big adjustment but it will get better!

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  • IEtoLAIEtoLA member
    DD is 3 and our LO is just 2 weeks. She also is very good with the baby but has been throwing more tantrums than usual, has started having accidents, and is waking at various times throughout the night. The way I see it, she's trying to get attention from us whether its through positive or negative means. We are making it a point to do whatever activities she wants to do in order to give her the attention she needs and we've noticed the undesired behaviors are way far less on those days. While having her help with a diaper change includes her, it's not about her. I also tried to keep her from playing with the babies toys before the baby was here, but frankly, It's not worth the battle and unless she does break one, I'm not going to worry about it. It keeps her happy and all she really wants to do with it is show it to her baby sister. After a eeek, shes gotten over them. She does know not to sit in the babies rocker and has not given us any problems with that.
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