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Attachment Parenting
TTGP March Siggy Challenge
LO in bed
Hi ladies,
I am not yet a parent and I am not coming here to criticize any of you ladies, I just had a question.
DH and I were watching old episodes of Keeping up with the Kardashians and Kourtney's son shares a bed with her and the father sleeps in a different bed. DH and I were thinking that can't be good for a marriage right?
So my question is, those of you that share your bed with your LO, is it just you and LO in the bed and DH in another bed or are you, LO, and DH all in the same bed? Also, does sharing a bed affect your relationship with your DH? TIA
TTGP March Siggy Challenge
This discussion has been closed.
Re: LO in bed
We bed share, but LO, DH, and I are all in one bed, and we both like it.
Does it change the nighttime dynamic? Sure. But just having a baby, no matter where he sleeps, will do that. There most certainly will be nights when LO wakes hungry and you're mid-snuggle, but that's parenthood!
We've had to become more creative about when/where to have sex, but it hasn't been a very big deal. I haven't had a PP period yet, and since we chart my "cycles" to TTA but use no other BC, we have to abstain rather often anyway (my PP charts are seriously wacky...I need a professional interpreter!). We've had to stop before because LO woke up, sensing we were gone, but that was usually the result of poor planning. All in all, our sex life is about what I would expect it to be even if LO was in a crib in his own room.
I am sure that bed sharing can negatively affect a marriage, but I would think this would only happen if 1) both spouses weren't completely open and honest with each other about how they feel about the sleeping arrangement, or 2) intimacy was too often interrupted or postponed because of LO.
DS has slept with us since his first night home and we all sleep in one king size bed on the floor. The only adjustment I made was "sidecarring" his crib when he started crawling in order to keep him somewhat contained. And, truth be told, I figured having the crib meant I would have more cuddle time with DH which I missed.
DH wonders when he will be out of our bed but doesn't have a problem with the arrangement. Plus, it makes it a lot easier to hand him off to DH on the nights when DS prefers to cuddle with DH than with me.
We plan on doing the same with with a second child, if we ever have one.
My daughter started sleeping in bed with us at a month old... She is now 3 and sleeps on occasion with us... We loved snuggling with her and had our alone time when she was with grandma... I do not plan on doing the same with our son who is due in Feb... I was pretty against my daughter in bed but my fiance would out her in bed after her middle of the night feeding (thank goodness he got up I was always tired) but we have a fantastic relationship.... Also if it helps my cousin has her babies in bed... she just had her 4 and 5 babies. Her husband usually sleeps downstairs and her upstairs... It can be hard on your relationship but it also can be good.. Really if you have a strong relationship it should not matter where the baby sleeps..... and the Kardashians are their own breed....
Having a kid affects your relationship with your DH, no matter where they sleep.
Our kids sleep in bed with us for the first year, and it's been fine. I feel better having babies close by, and DH is okay with it (we have a king-size bed, so everyone fits!). Now we have some nights where I end up sleeping with DS2 in his bed, but it isn't often.
DH and I both see co-sleeping as a very temporary thing in the our lives and our kids' lives - a year or two of having a baby in our bed isn't going to destroy our relationship. hth
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I agree with pp that having children changes your relationship. Where you or your children sleep is pretty immaterial to that.
We've done pretty much every variation of bedsharing. All of us in a bed. DH and I in separate beds, each with one of the girls. Me in a bed with both girls etc etc.
Sometimes it changes night to night to accommodate everyone's needs for sleep and rest.
Like pp I see it as a very temporary part of our lives. One day DH and I will be sleeping in the same bed without any children in there, and as lovely as that will be, I'm pretty sure I'll miss those tiny little bodies to snuggle, because once that time has passed then it has gone, and won't come back.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
I agree with the ladies below, having a baby changes your relationship but in many ways for the better before I'm so much more patient for one. We have a king size bed and all sleep in it my boy is 14mth old. I sleep in the middle as still breastfeeding and hubby sleeps on outside so bubba isn't at risk of falling out of bed. We are all happy with arrangement and hubby says he likes looking at his family snuggled up beside him. As for adult time, well that occurs when our little one naps in the day which for us is fun as seems naughty he he plus i'm tiered come bed time so necessary. It wouldn't work if hubby was happy with set up though, both parents have to be happy with set up i think in order for the bed sharing set up to work in a marriage x
TTGP March Siggy Challenge
If Scott Dissick were my husband I'd make him sleep elsewhere too. That guy is a douch@.
Fatigue impacts my relationship more than anything. DH actually prefers to have LO in bed with us and worries about her when she's elsewhere. If he's really tired he'll also decamp to the guestroom.