My tacky shower... (long)

ancp27 · October 2012

My Aunt is throwing my my baby shower in a little over a month and I couldn't be more appreciative. She honestly has beautiful taste and hosts wonderful parties. She wanted to have a meeting last week to go over some details and even though I really wanted everything to be a surprise, I'm glad I met with her.

My 2 aunts, mom, MIL and I all met for dinner to throw around some ideas. They started off talking about games. The chocolate in the diaper one was at the top of the list. I didn't want to seem bratty or unappreciative so I kept my mouth shut and this game remains in.

Next the topic of a diaper raffle comes up. I lied to them and said that I wanted to use a specific diaper that you can only order online so maybe we should skip this. That didn't fly. Then I said I'd hate to ask someone to buy a specific gift for me, they said we'll make an insert in the invite that says it's optional.

Lastly, they thought it was a great idea to ask for a book instead of a card, I was mortified. I said that this isn't necessary because my husband's aunt wants to build our babies library as his gift. Luckily my MIL backed me up on this but I was over-ruled once again and said we would request "older children's books."

I honestly didn't know what to do, so I overstepped my boundaries a bit and offered to buy and send the invitations so they wouldn't have to worry about it. That's just what I did. Invitations went out today with no mention of diaper raffles or books instead of cards. I really hope when my friends and family RSVP these things aren't mentioned. What do you think? Should I not have said anything and let this happen? Did I over-step? I really hope I came off as grateful and appreciative to them. What would you do?

*** I guess I should've added that my Aunt that is hosting the shower approved the invitations before I sent them out. She didn't mention anything about the diaper raffle or book instead of a card.***

DublinMama · October 2012

While showers are a gift, and you are supposed to sort of take a backseat in planning, I don't think you're being unreasonable, given that you are thinking of the guests and not yourself. Just have a plan for if/when your hostesses see the invites and they ask you why none of their great ideas were mentioned on there. If you truly are very uncomfortable with those plans, and I would be, given how much "extra stuff" it imposes on the guests to bring, I would buck up and say, "I just really wasn't comfortable with those activities and prefer to leave them out, so I didn't include them." If not, you may run the risk of having it pass to your guests word of mouth (if you hostesses think you just 'forgot' to put it on there), and having to deal with that whole issue.

joshandpanda · October 2012

I would have stuck to my guns and told them what I wanted and didn't want...

My step mom and sister hosted my shower, and I told them the things that better not be there (ie. the dirty diaper game) but then again... I tend to speak my mind...

as far as the diaper situation, I would have said something like "I don't want people buying diapers that wont get used since I want a specific brand"

jwaldo4 · October 2012

I agree with the others on this one, If you feel strongly about something you gotta make it known. There are some things that you might have to just put up with, but overall you need to let them know how you:) feel. After all, it is YOUR baby shower!

Good luck!

persephonerose · October 2012

I think you probably did over-step since the hosts assumed you were on the same page. However, it is done now. I would just prepare for whatever backlash that might come from it. Either own up to it and said you were really uncomfortable with those ideas, or if you want to save hurt feelings you could go with the easy out and claim pregnancy brain.

rhubarb123 · October 2012

I would definitely let them know you did not include the diaper raffle or the books instead of a card idea. Let them know you did not feel comfortable asking guests to bring something on top of the gift they would already be bringing you. As for the books...just let them know you would be able to save the cards in the baby's baby book...whereas books will eventually get ruined...plus you most likely would get duplicates.

junie216 · October 2012

When you let them know you took out some games, be sure to have replacement game ideas on hand. They were probably just trying to keep the party fun and only had so many ideas. As long as you give them a laundry list of games to get excited about I think they will be fine. Just say you got excited about these new game ideas and didn't really think those other ones were your style.

aeh72 · October 2012

I feel for you - you were in an awkward position during that lunch and getting over ruled so I can see how you didn't want to to fight it then. With that being said, now that you have, in essence, nixed those two ideas, when they ask you about it, I think you need to tell them that you felt really uncomfortable with asking people to bring extra gifts - especially the diapers since you are not likely to use them (even if that's a little white lie) - so you decided not to include those requests in the invites. Re-iterate to them how much you appreciate everything they are doing and how excited you are about the shower. And, I think you pretty much now need to let them plan any other game they want to do (that doesn't involve extra gifts) - even the ultra icky candy bar in the diaper game! Otherwise, you run the risky of looking kind of bratty and controlling (which I know is not your intention, but they might start to feel that way.)

jelly0822 · November 2012

I'm kinda worried about the diaper game for my shower myself! I told my mom and SIL I didn't want it, and then I reminded my mom, and she's all "You should tell your SIL because she's doing the games." So, now if the game's there, the game's there, and people should be able to refuse to partake if they want. That being said, I was in a similar position as you, where they asked me what I would like and for suggestions on theme and such, so if you're asked, I see no reason that you shouldn't be able to speak your mind. At least you got what you wanted in the end.

526SadieSadie · November 2012

If I were a guest invited to that shower, I'd find it really tacky, but it wouldn't reflect on the guest of honor at all. I would think bad thoughts about the hosts, not the mom to be.

MCRM22011 · November 2012

I don't think you overstepped your bounds. Show your appreciation by saying "thank you" and giving a hostess gift to your family. I do feel that any "tackiness" would have been a reflection of the hosts, not you!

My tacky shower... (long)

Re: My tacky shower... (long)

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