Single Parents
My Teen Mom Story With A Sad Ending
Hi, My names Vanna. I'm 17 and from Utah where I met my ex fiance David. David and I were dating for eight months then were engaged for five when we decided we wanted a baby of our own. We were so happy when we found out I was pregnant but, that all changed when I turned three months pregnant. We got in a small fight over nothing and he kicked me out of our house pregnant with no where to go or no money to help get anywhere! We talked for a bit after he kicked me out trying to work it out but, he just kept saying he loved me but didn't want me or our child. I was depressed for weeks and to make things worse, I was staying at families house and they kicked me out! Now, I'm almost five months pregnant, single, depressed, and living with my sister in Texas. It seems like everyday is a struggle between me and my babys daddy and it hurts more than anything. Sadly, even after all this I love him and want to be with him but, he ignores me...I just need someone to talk to...
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Re: My Teen Mom Story With A Sad Ending
Firstly, are you seeing anyone for your depression? Even though you can't exactly be medicated for it, seeing someone for it will help. It's also helpful because of what he did to you. Any doctor will tell you, stress is not good for you and baby; so see if your sister can drive you to a place near by and you can see if they will let you get services thew them and/or what you need to do to qualify to get help from them. There are places that will either make you pay a small co-pay or will let you see them for free; while they help you with paper work to get insurance to cover your visits. It also helps to start the process, just in-case you get post partum depression after baby.
+ Medicaid. Because of your income (or from the sounds of what it is) I'm very sure you qualify and the pregnancy also helps (even if they give you temporary coverage because of the pregnancy). In your situation it doesn't hurt to go and see if you qualify.
+WIC. they will help you with food, don't know how many hoops you may have to go thew to get it. But for me I just called and got an appointment, they tell you what you will need to bring to the appointment; for me it was proof of pregnancy(from your OB or doctor), proof of income, insurance card, ID... and I can't remember what else. But I got my card right at the appointment and had it all set up. In my state there is restrictions and they give you a list of what food your allowed each month. They also offered me a class on breast-feeding.
+ Pregnancy centers/problem pregnancy. Don't let the politics, society's views or whatever fool you. These places are not gonna (and should not) try to get you to get an abortion. They can help you find resources and they can or know of places that can assist you. The one by me has a program for first-time mothers where you can get maternity clothes, baby clothes, a crib, car seat, diapers and other stuff for baby for FREE, you just have to attend the classes. They can also help you find other programs or services you may qualify for. Like where food banks are, clothing banks, places where you can get furniture (like crib and what not). Most of those kinds of places need a referral, they can do that so you can get set up to get assistance. I'm sure you already have an OB/GYN, but they can also help you find one and where you can get free ultrasounds and other medical related services. They are just helpful! You don't have to go there a lot if you don't want to; you can just walk in and get a list of places and numbers of places that can help you.
I totally understand how you are feeling. I'm going through the same situation. Right now all you can do is put him in the hands of the Lord and focus on you and your baby. your baby needs you so much right now. I do know that its so much easier said than done but I am a living witness that it can be, I was deeply depressed the first 5 months of my pregnancy due to how my child's father was treating me and I finally just had to take a stand, evaluate the facts, and realize being depressed like that was not good for the baby. When I start thinking negative like I just can't make it through you have to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. Know that the situation and your feelings are temporary brighter days are here and you have to keep reminding yourself of that.
I will tell you a little bit about my situation so you know that I honestly do understand how your feeling. I am 30 years old, not only did I become pregnant but I lost my job of 9 1/2 years, had to move in with my mom, I also have a 13 year old daughter to take care of (I was a teen parent also), and then of course when I told my child's father I was pregnant he totally abandoned me letting me know he's already moved on with another women. Yes, I fell into a deep depression, I was harassing him, threatening him basically just making a fool of myself because it wasn't doing any good but at the time I just didn't know how to handle being treating like that. I thought he was going to embrace the pregnancy & we were gonna try to make it work but life had other plans.
GOD has opened my eyes to a lot during this situation, we can't change how a person is or how they act all we can do is forgive them and pray for them. GOD heals the brokenhearted and takes care of the fatherless. If you put GOD first he will handle this situation for you please trust me on that. The situation is not gonna change over night but put your trust in the lord and find peace and rest in his word and know that trials & tribulations are TEMPORARY. Your young and have so much live ahead of you don't live being depressed, hurt, & unhappy. I can promise you this how your feeling now will not last forever. Keep your head up & know that better days are coming, just hold on for one more day you don't know the blessings GOD has in store for you and your blessings.
Because it's better for a baby to live in complete poverty with a child-parent who has zero family support than to be placed in a home with adult(s) ready and willing to provide and be parents?? Talk about horror stories....
Besides, when did she ever say she didn't have her own family's support?
Jumping in here to give my 2 cents..... I have an adopted child as well as many adopted family members and none of them regret being adopted. Adopted children can grow up in amazing homes and not have issues because of being adopted. I find that incredibly offensive. But, this young woman never said that she was even considering adoption for her baby and that is her decision to make, no one should tell her that she should do that. No one should EVER be forced to make an adoption plan for their child, period. It is the hardest decision a woman can make, and she has to be confident that it is the right thing for her and her child.
That being said, MissVanna, please seek some help at a crisis pregnancy center or something similar. They can help you map out your future and give you resources to help you out. If you ever do consider adoption, make sure you receive unbiased counseling and don't let anyone tell you if it's right or wrong for you, that is your decision to make. Adoption can be an amazing thing. I have a wonderful relationship with my sons birth mom and see her often. However, the fact that no one pushed her into her decision made it so much easier. If you want to parent, you will make it work and be a wonderful mom. It's probably not going to be easy, but it will be rewarding. You need to find a way out of the depression, ex-boyfriend funk, not only for your health, but for the health of your baby. You are a woman, you are strong and you will survive this!
This is her child, do not pressure her into adoption. If it ends up being the right choice for her, thats wonderful. So many deserving couples deserve a baby to love. But this is also the child she WILLINGLY is bringing into this world. There are ways to help her out so she can finish school and go on to college or a job if she wishes. I am married with a baby on the way and Im so thankful for my husband but I think you putting your one track mind on here to make her feel worse about her situation is no help to her. Either give her the information about adoption and support this young lady in her choices or do not write to her post.
I can TOTALLY feel some of your pain right now. Being unwanted by the babies father is the WORST FEELING in the world. Even though the father of my baby is still with me he is not FULLY with me or there for me. I can understand what you are feeling however you being with him MUCH longer than I with mine makes it so much worse. But battling this feeling everyday is the WORST. I know how it feels to be young and pregnant i am 21 and my babies father is 18. The scariest part is thinking just how easily and quickly they can move on to another girl and thinking i will be alone forever, i always think 'how is it even possible to move on and watch him with another girl, when my heart is with him?' and it also hurts to feel SO BETRAYED by someone you thought you trusted so much and would never hurt you or leave you. it feels impossible for me to move on if he ends it completely. which i dont doubt he will. HOW can they possibly look at other girls when we are carrying THEIR child?? I just dont understand it and I know im not offering much advice or help, but I want you to know that you ARE NOT ALONE. I am terrified of being a single parent but yet i have accepted my sure to be fate. If you ever need anyone to talk to I will be here. I know how it feels to feel so alone and everyone feels bad for you and offer you this advice that feels impossible to take because if it was just as easy as "forget about him! hes an ass hole! worry about your baby and focus on your future!" then we would all just do that! but it ISNT that easy. and the feeling is unbearable, hopeless and SO incredibly lonely no matter who offers you a shoulder. I FEEL YOU and i am so incredibly sorry youre going through this. I wish i knew what to tell you but i dont even know what to tell myself.
I cant agree more with the pregnancy crisis center, i know it takes a lot to bring yourself to a place like that but, being someone who gained the courage to walk through those doors, i did so myself and is the BEST decision i made for myself and my baby! They are a lifesaver. helpful, and the people are just bland trained proffesionals behind a clipboard, most have personaly VERY KNOWLEDGEABLE experience, and they really do care! without my pregnancy center, i would be a complete mess. they helped me figure out living situations, my options, and educated me not only on my body and my future options, but on how to deal with my personal problems as well. it is extremely helpful just to have someone LISTEN sometimes. I always walk out of my appointments feeling relieved and renewed. sure problems still hurt but they make you realize NOTHING is impossible. and they can give you MORE advice than ANY family member or friend. they are non profitbale so it doesnt cost you a dime, my pregnancy center also rewards me for accomplishing goals, showing up to appointments, and attending the doctor with used but nice supplies such as maternity clothes, and things for my baby. ALSO they can help with your relationship with the father, that is if you can coax him into attending a session. but it is a TREMENDOUS help. and an eye opener. i very much encourage you to seek help from one! I LOVE MY PREGNANCY CRISIS CENTER!
I was pregnant at 17 and people told me to put my baby up for adoption. Which I think is rude to say to someone. Of course, I didn't do that and now I have a beautiful baby boy! I say, do what you want. I worked my ass off my whole pregnancy to make sure I can support my son and I, and my son will have a wonderful life. If I could do it, you can! Congrats on the pregnancy and good luck!
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