Postpartum Depression
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Failure
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I've just realized my sweet boy's sleep issues make me feel like a failure. When I try to lay him down for bed, trying so hard to catch that perfect moment where he's drowsy but awake, but instead of drifting off to sleep he wakes up and fusses for me to pick him back up, I feel like a failure. I nurse him back to drowsy and try again, and again, failing over and over. Finally the frustration is too much for me and I leave him crying in the crib. DH goes and picks him up but he continues crying until I come back. Then I feel guilty for letting my frustration get in the way of caring for my little baby, who just wants to snuggle with me.
Or when I know he's tired and ready for a nap but I can't get him to sleep. Fail. I've made myself crazy reading books and looking for sleepy cues and trying to time wind downs and naps and bedtimes just right, and I just keep failing.
I wanted a child so badly, and it took us a year to conceive W, with an early loss after 9 months of trying. I had this image of myself as this endlessly loving, patient, tender mother. I am not living up to that image, at least not with patience and sometimes I am not very tender either. So I've failed there too.
I just want to be the best mother possible for him, and I feel like I am failing.
Or when I know he's tired and ready for a nap but I can't get him to sleep. Fail. I've made myself crazy reading books and looking for sleepy cues and trying to time wind downs and naps and bedtimes just right, and I just keep failing.
I wanted a child so badly, and it took us a year to conceive W, with an early loss after 9 months of trying. I had this image of myself as this endlessly loving, patient, tender mother. I am not living up to that image, at least not with patience and sometimes I am not very tender either. So I've failed there too.
I just want to be the best mother possible for him, and I feel like I am failing.
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Re: Failure
You are not a failure! Getting an infant to sleep is SO hard. I had NO IDEA that you would need to teach/train/guide a baby to sleep. I thought they would do it instantly.
Are you opposed to sleep training? There are some no cry options out there that are a bit more gentle if you are not into the crying aspect.
We used Sleep Easy with success and it is very similar to Ferber but I've heard really good things about the No Cry Sleep Solution.
Good luck!
We do have a gentle sleep training plan, but I am struggling with the current step which is to get him to sleep all night in his crib. I've had a hard time letting him cry, but the gentle method isn't really working either. So, I'm stalled.
Thank you for your reply. :]
I feel the exact same way! I get so frustrated with my ds especially with naps and then I feel like a jerk for getting so frustrated because he is after all just a baby. I find myself just wishing the days away. This is not how I pictured myself either.
I'm sorry you are going through this! I wish I knew some way to help us both. :-(
Hang in there momma! Sleep is the first thing to go out the window with major developmental milestones, and you just have to adjust to a new normal for a while.
Have you tried the EASY method? It's not really sleep training, so much as getting baby on a "schedule" to better understand his cues and get him to sleep easier.
Basically, EASY stands for "Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time" As a newborn, it sets them in 3 hour increments - they wake up, then eat, then have activity time, and then sleep, which gives Mommy some "you time." Since your LO is older, it would be adapted to his current sleep needs. Here is an article explaining it:
https://noobmommy.com/2012/02/e-a-s-y-schedules-cheat-sheet-4-sample-baby-schedules-from-4-weeks-1-yr.html
https://noobmommy.com/2008/12/easy-for-4-9-months.html
http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html