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3rd Trimester
People are stupid and selfish and lazy.
https://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/breast-best-one-dad-says-no-breastfeeding-171500648.html
Grow up, put your kid first.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: People are stupid and selfish and lazy.
Avery - 8.2.07 | Asher - 5.12.10 | Audrey - 11.28.12
DH would be incredibly unhappy and disappointed if I didn't want to or couldn't BF. He had an ex who said she absolutely would never BF because it was gross, and he was flabbergasted at her selfishness. If she physically couldn't, that would've been one thing. But she just didn't want to because it was weird and gross. And if he tried to say he cheated because my BFing was unattractive, I'd see myself seriously rethinking the relationship.
Edited for clarity
I am not sure how he is stupid, selfish, and lazy. They tried breastfeeding and it didn't work. So they switched to formula and he feels like people give him the side eye for doing so with the warning labels, etc.
The guy isn't trying to say whether breasfteeding is good or bad. He is simply saying that the social pressure pushed on people to breast feed isn't fair. As pointed out, many women can't produce or the baby can't "latch on" etc etc. There are many reasons.
EDIT: And the article is misleading btw. It says "One dad says No" but then they quote a second guy who talks about the sexual side of it and how it ruins it for him and the infidelity. That wasn't the original guy they were talking about whose wife had a problem breastfeeding. Slipping that in there is a little shady.
In regards to the sexual part, the author of the article did say... "Kornelis doesn't go there, thank goodness. Instead, he complains that the warnings slapped on containers of powdered formula made him and his wife feel like failures. "
Agreed. The main dad in the article seemed sympathetic to his wife and child and tried very hard to do what was "best."
Now the guest blogger that suggested it lead to cheating is an asswipe.
How does that article that describes a mom's attempt at breastfeeding and failing at breast feeding and the dad saying it made them feel like a failure with all the "breast is best" warnings equate to "People are stupid and selfish and lazy"???
Please explain.
I was able to BF my 2nd DD. I was NOT able to BF my 1st DD past 4 months due to some severe infections and skin allergies. Am I stupid, selfish, and lazy because I agree with this dad that the "breast is best" made me feel like shiit?
Am I missing something here? It sounds like the father didn't like the undue pressure put on his wife to breastfeed, and I can totally sympathize with that. Lots of woman try very hard to breastfeed and feel like utter failures when they have to supplement with formula or make the switch to formula. The most important thing is a healthy baby in the end, and that can be achieved with formula.
I'm all for breastfeeding, and encouraging woman to breastfeed. I think encouragement is most beneficial when it focuses on enabling woman to breastfeed by having insurance cover lactation consultants and pumps, or having lactation rooms in the work place, not by making formula out to be poison, or making woman feel less than a mother because they don't breastfeed.
DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015
As a PP said, I think the confusion is stemming from the fact that, despite how the article started out, there was actually TWO men quoted in the article. The main guy said that he and his wife felt guilty about formula when breastfeeding didn't physically work for them, and the second guy said that breastfeeding was a turnoff, etc. etc.
Basically, the second guy WAS stupid, selfish, and lazy, because he was trying to talk his wife out of breastfeeding because it bothered him, not because she or the baby had problems with it.
Basically, it wasn't well written at all... or was trying to be misleading, stir the pot...
All of this.
LFAF April Siggy Challenge - TV/Movie BFFS - Romy & Michele
How are these parent's being stupid, selfish, and lazy?? They are doing the best they can with the situation they have. She tried everything conceivable to breast feed and because of nature or whatever they found she couldn't. What would you have had then rather do? Starved their child, paid a lactating mother? Are adoptive mothers bad mothers because they can't breast feed?
I think you need to get off your high horse and realize that breast feeding isn't always an option nor should it be the only option, and no one should feel bad about not choosing to do it for whatever reason.
Regardless if this couple could or couldnt BF, you are horribly judgemental person who thinkg because she BF's she is better than parents like me... who choose not to BF. My daughter was formula fed and so will this LO.
My daughter is PERFECTLY healthy and (knock on wood) doesnt get sick even.
Climb down from your ivory tower, because its mom's like you who create the guilt on mom's like me.
I know you weren't pointing me out or anything, but I do want to say I DO NOT think BF'ing is wrong and gross. I give the moms who do do it credit.
But I am one to say, it's not for me. I gave it a go with DD and was an emotional, hysterical mess. I decided on Formula and I felt so much more relaxed. If you can do it, do it, if not ... don't.
On my white board in my room I am writing "Formula feeding, not interested in being bullied. Thanks."
I wasn't pointing you out. I was actually talking about those people who make posts all about how they aren't going to do it because it's gross, and blah blah blah. When they haven't even tried it, sounds like you gave it a go and it didn't work, and that's your business. I just think sometimes the bashing goes both ways, and it's wrong both ways.
I know you weren't pointing me out, I just used your quote to make my point. I in no means think its gross at all. Its the natural thing to do, I know formula feeding is not and unfortunately I get the frequent side eye from moms who think I "don't give my child the best possible start" quoting someone on TB before.
Thanks!
What a flippin shocker. A FTM who thinks that the choice to BF or not is entirely based on the mother's level of stupidity, selfishness, or laziness and not based on biology and ability.
My DD was born at 5lbs 7oz, and left the hospital at 5lbs. My milk came rushing in, and I started to feed her thinking everything was candy. At her one week check-up she was still only 5lbs. My doctor begged me to supplement, if she dropped below 5lbs she was going to be put in the NICU, so obviously I supplemented. The next three months went like this: BF DD every two hours, then supplement with a bottle while pumping for at least 45 min. to increase my supply. I would get approximately 2oz from pumping. Meanwhile, DD developed the worst case of colic her pediatrician had ever seen, so I cut out dairy and sugar from my diet. I started seeing a lactation consultant regularly, and going through a $50 bottle of tincture twice a week to bump up my supply. I also drank milk producing tea twice a day. After three months, my DD didn't trust my body to feed her and screamed whenever I would try to get her to latch. I would start crying while begging her to "just latch baby, please just latch". She would eventually latch and suckle for a moment before crying again. This would lead to a 45 minute ritual of me crying, her crying, and me begging before she drank what she could from me and I gave her a bottle. While she would drink her bottle happily I would cry and apologize to her for being a failure. My husband tried telling me that this was not a bonding experience for either of us, this was actually torture for all THREE of us to go through every two hours. My lactation consultant finally, lovingly, put her hand on my knee and said, "You are still a wonderful mother if you give her formula", and I burst into tears. I finally folded, giving her formula exclusively and after a month the guilt subsided and I was able to just enjoy feeding my baby.
When our DD was three months old, I suddenly couldn't get out of bed I was so tired. I could only eat a bagel a day, and that put 30lbs on my frame in less than a month. My doc swore everything was fine, but I insisted it wasn't and went to see an endocrinologist. He immediately diagnosed me with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I found out that my milk production was directly related to my thyroid being unstable my whole life. After five years, my thyroid is FINALLY under control and my body was able to hold onto a pregnancy after four miscarriages. Please don't misunderstand, I adored breastfeeding. I can't wait for this LO to arrive so I can EBF her. I dream about it I loved it so much. I didn't stop because I was lazy, or selfish, or hated it, or felt tied down. I was FORCED to stop breastfeeding and the judgement I received from FTM's or BF moms who didn't have trouble BFing was overwhelming compared to the support I received from an actual lactation consultant.
First of all, it didn't mention how long she tried... but who am I to say what qualifies as trying "hard enough"?
What bothered me was the dad talking about quality REM sleep and trips away with his wife. I think any new parent who expects that right off the bat with an infant has pretty unrealistic expectations. It's not all about you anymore, especially in the very beginning. In that sense, I think people do need to grow up. I was in heaven if I got a freaking shower and that's pretty typical.
As for taking the "breast is best" slogan as a personal attack, I think they are being pretty oversensitive. I think most experts agree that breast IS best but that doesn't mean that there are not valid reasons for formula feeding. However, that's really not for anyone else to decide.
I just wish there wasn't so much social pressure to BF. Support women and just leave it at that. We have a whole generation of children who were formula fed (the baby boomers) and they all turned out just fine. Plus formula was not advanced as it is now. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of BFing, I BF DD till she was 20.5 months. But I think we just need to accept that it's not as black and white as 'breast is best'. There are so many other factors that come into play. My cousin's Aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer right after finding out she was pregnant. She was told that her best chance for survival was to terminate the pregnancy and start treatment. She refused and literally risked her life to bring her child into this world. Of course as soon as the baby was born treatment was started and she couldn't BF despite the fact that she really wanted to. How sad that she had to deal with all this pressure, 'breast is best', etc when she was absolutely doing what was best for everyone.
What worries me is we have swung so far in this country that women are being made to feel bad about themselves for not BFing. Which leads to a multitude of problems. What makes me sad is women who have no desire to BF, are practically forced into it, then if it doesn't work out they feel pressure to come up with a reason beyond, "It's just not for me". Please understand I know there are women out there who really struggle with BFing and for some it is impossible no matter how hard they try. But there are some women who don't want to BF, feel pressured to do so, then come up with physical reasons why it didn't work for them. Which is so sad that they should be made to feel that way, plus I think it scares other women into thinking BFing is impossible. There was a girl who posted several days ago and she said, "Most women can't BF". How unfortunate that this is the picture that has been painted for her!
Personally I think nursing is natural, I have seen aunts nurse, my sister nurse but none of my friends nursed. Some think it is gross or weird because they aren't familiar with it or see it as the norm. I don't side-eye them, that is their personal choice. I nursed both my boys and plan on nursing this last baby, but I had different difficulties with my first two and tried every means to stay with it for a year, but stopped around 6 months with both. I would still never judge how another women feeds her child, especially those who try and cannot physically or emotionally breastfeed. Yes, the medical sector should do more to educate, inform and provide the tools to make breastfeeding easier for those who want to. But what women choose what to do once they have the info and tools, is still their decision and right as a mother, whether its nurse or use formula.
I thought we had already decided the OP (morayme1) was a pot-stirrer, possibly troll.
I am not even responding to her judgmental BS.
THIS! All of this! I would also add that the other father in the article who suggested that breast feeding leads to cheating is the moron. Come on, talk about trying to find a way out of your marriage or relationship.
She is a troll.
People are stupid and selfish and lazy?
Well, you're one of the three, at least.