I feel like I'm losing my mind...
tamarar5
member
Arg!!!! My parents are driving me INSANE. I'm 24 weeks pregnant, and as if being pregnant and raising a 5 1/2 yr old weren't stressfull enough, my mother is taking over my life! I don't know what to do any more. It seems like every single day she has another catastrophe that I must be involed in-- they rent property and are dealing with some heinous renters, trying to get them evicted, and sueing them for damages-- and she seems to feel it necessary to call me with blow by blow conversations of everything that happens with them! On top of that, every disaster that happens in their home or with my younger siblings, she needs to call and involve me. Even more, they have permanently invited themselves over EVERY F*ing Wednesday without asking if my family had plans, or even wanted them to come!
It has gotten to the point where I see my mom's number come up on my phone and I can feel the anxiety building already. I am so stressed out trying to deal with all of their problems that I feel like its affecting my relationships with my own family. My daughter is suffering because I am so stressed out, my boyfriend is suffering because all I do is vent about my mother and all their problems. I don't know what to do.
I have tried telling my mother that their problems are not mine to solve, and that all the extra stress she is introducing to my life is not good for me, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. I lived with my mother, and the same stressful crap when I was expecting my first child, and as a result suffered from extremely high blood pressure and pre-eclampsia during that pregnancy. I really do not want the same thing to happen this time around! Does anyone have any suggestions for telling my mother to back off and deal with her own sh*t without involving me? I feel like I'm drowning in their problems and am having anxiety attacks now.
Re: I feel like I'm losing my mind...
It all depends on your relatoinship with your mom, but you probably have to level with her.
My parent and I are very close, and if I don't try to control it a little bit, it gets to be "family overload" all the time -- multiple family obligations each week, etc. I can handle it and could handle it when I was single, but it overwhelms my husband (his family is not like that AT ALL), which menas that it then overwhelms me. We just moved into a new house, after spending months fixing up his place to sell, and obviously I'm pregnant -- about two weeks ago, I had to email my mom and just be direct and say "I love you all to pieces, and I apprecaite so much everything you do for me, but I need a little bit of time with no family stuff... I'm so tired after work, I'm falling asleep on the sofa at 8 PM, and it feels like there is something every week and every weekend. Can I get a hall pass for a while?"
She was EXTREMELY undersatnading -- didn't want to make this pregnancy harder... So I'd just talk to her... she loves you, she isn't gonna want to add excess stress.
I would say, when she calls or begins to talk about something like that, Stop her and tell her that you can't listen to that right now. You are too stressed by all of it, and she needs to not involve you. My mother and i take over all our family's stress. With this pregnancy i was having some bad problems at the begining, and my mother had to point out to me that i needed to keep myself calm, and that dealing with their issues was not helping. So i had to learn to say, i just can't deal with that right now. I know you want to vent to me about it, and want my help, but you have to do it yourself because the stress is to much for me.
They haven't stopped trying to come to me and get me involved, but i do stop them, and just leave it.
Ignore her calls? I do this quite often, and don't feel bad about it. (My mom rambles a lot.)
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I so can feel your pain. My Mother can drive me up a wall. There are times when I have to tell her not right now. I cant deal with this and you need to try to figure this out for yourself.
As far as Wednesday night since she always inviting her self over why not the 3 of you (bf, and dd) go out. And dont say anything to your mom right away until your at the place your going. Say something oh hey mom, thought let you know we went out to dinner tonight. I will call you tomorrow. Just wanted to let ya know.