Sensitive Question - What to do with the remains?

bearfootz · October 2012

I don't even know what the proper term is, sorry if remains sounds harsh. I'm just very confused about what the proper thing is to do with the baby after I pass it. I'm not sure if at 8 weeks I'll identify it, but I think so, right? DH assumed that we just dispose(flush) but that is not sitting right with me. I looked up info last night at there was a Catholic site talking about burial or cremation. I'm very confused right now. I'm thinking I should call a funeral home and ask if they do cremations and maybe I can place the ashes by my father's grave. I just don't know what's appropriate.

Any advice or if you're up for sharing what you did, I'd appreciate any guidance. I scrolled back a few pages and didn't see a previous thread on this but if you have the link to one I'll look there. thank you.

miakrita · October 2012

Hi,

I'm sorry for your loss. I've recently transitioned to the TTCAL board but I'm glad I saw your post.

I think the proper term that the doctors use is "products of conception" though I have seen lots of women refer to the remains as their LO.

I was diagnosed MMC at 8 weeks and I passed her 2 weeks later. So by that point, she had shrunk down to the size of a 6 week old embryo. I couldn't identify anything, but I didn't really try.

I couldn't bare the thought of flushing her down the toilet. I saved her in a jar and then a few days later we cremated her in our back yard. It was hard to say goodbye to the last little bit of her that I had left to hold on to. But I'm glad we had a fire and did it that way because it at least felt ceremonious.

I didn't keep the ashes.

bearfootz · October 2012

I did end up calling one of the local funeral homes and ask if they do cremations when there's a miscarriage and he said absolutely, there is no charge, and he will arrange for pickup whether it happens at home or at a hospital. I'm going to talk to DH and see if he's comfortable with this route. Well, I'm not comfortable with any of this, but figure it's best to have a plan in place.

miakrita · October 2012

Bearfootz:
I did end up calling one of the local funeral homes and ask if they do cremations when there's a miscarriage and he said absolutely, there is no charge, and he will arrange for pickup whether it happens at home or at a hospital. I'm going to talk to DH and see if he's comfortable with this route. Well, I'm not comfortable with any of this, but figure it's best to have a plan in place.

Wow that is very nice of them to do it at no charge. This is such an emotional time and its even harder when having to deal with bills for various services concerning it..... I hope you and DH can come to an agreement that you are both comfortable with....as much as you can be

Beccabby · October 2012

Im so very sorry for your loss.

I havent even thought that far yet. I go in for my follow up on Monday so Im guessing I will get the babies remains then and figure it out. I like the cremation in the backyard thought though.

AnjaO · October 2012

I assumed at 6.5 weeks, I wouldn't be able to tell. I had several large clots, so I don't know for sure, but I think I do. Sorry this is sounding so vague, it's just hard for me to think about. Anyway, I freaked out and flushed and immediately regretted it, though I had no other plans. I wish my doctor's office had prepared me a little more; if I'd thought of the funeral home idea, I might have gone that route. I think DH is happier not knowing, though.

2redtulips · October 2012

I had to sign a form in the hospital before the d&c stating what I wanted to do. I, too, wish someone had prepared me for that question. I had the hospital handle the "products of conception," but I might have chosen another option if I had thought about it beforehand.

tracyfromnh · November 2012

My first two I lost at 8 weeks, and i definitely found them, and my hubby and i burried them in the yard. This one is a blighted ovum so i guess i don't expect to find what i found last time, but time will tell. So sorry you are suffering through this, its just awful.

Momof2hopingfor3 · November 2012

We had our son cremated and released his remains at our favorite spot. It's been lovely to go back and visit.

Sensitive Question - What to do with the remains?

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