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Really none of my business but I can't help but wonder...

Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member
in Blended Families

First let me say that 2 Fridays ago, when DD's BD called me and said he wasn't getting her for the weekend he said SM's car was not running and so DD was just going to stay with his parents so could I meet them at my parent's house (which is where we did exchanges for many years and is the next neighborhood over from his parents.) When BD's SF came to get DD, he saw my mom and was asking her about her job and how my dad's MS was (his wife, DD's nana also has MS). Then he says to me "How are you all doing?" I said "good" and he made a comment about people loosing jobs and mentioned something about "people moving in with other people" so it was good we were doing good. He gave my mom a certain look so after they left, my mom was like "I think BD is trying to move back in with them from that comment." I told him it made no sense because BD and SM bought a house a few years ago when BD wasn't working so I'm sure it was just based off SM's income and that maybe he was referring to BD's sister or brother. Anyway, fast forward to last night.. 

When we go trick or treating on the years I have DD, I usually take her by BD's parents' house since they live close to my parents which is where my sister and I meet up to take our kids trick or treating. Last night, we pull up and see BD's car at his parent's house. DD was like "OMG, my dad is here" and I thought, oh they actucally came to see DD (Wed is his weeknight visitation that he never takes). So I walk her to the door and BD's SF answers and was like, "Oh, we weren't sure if you were going to be by tonight or not and figured you might stay in your neighborhood." So he invites us in and goes and gets BD's mom and the camera and meanwhile BD comes in from the garage wearing the same Scream costume he has worn every Halloween since DD was born. He doesn't take off his mask and tells DD "Oh, your a bat? Cute" then he says "K (DD's sister) was Rapunzel." BD takes a cell phone pic of DD and tells her she looks cute. The grandparents reappear take pics give DD candy, ask me what DS is and I tell them he was asleep in the car w/ DH and didn't have his costume on yet so that's why he didn't come to the door also. So they bag up some candy for him and we leave.

SM and DD's sister are nowhere to be found, never mentioned. DD never asked where they were. So know I'm wondering, what father leaves his 3 yo DD and wife on Halloween to go dress up and hand out candy at his parent's without expecting to see his other DD? I'm beginning to think they are having problems.

Like I said, none of my business but it's hard not to wonder...

DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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Re: Really none of my business but I can't help but wonder...

  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member
    I would have put that together the same way you did, but I completely over-analyze everything... definitely interesting to see what happens over the next few months with the holidays coming up..
                           
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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member

    Yea something is up.

     In a way I think it is your business as it will ultimately affect your DD.  Not your business as such BUT a heads up of what coming down the line would be nice.

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  • danac2010danac2010 member
    We do the same thing with BM.  She had a H for a while and then he suddenly stopped driving her to PU/DO.  She never drives herself (says she is terrified of the DFW traffic but only has to take 2 side streets to the drop off location) and so some random people starting driving her to PU/DO.  We'd ask SD who that was driving and she would say she didn't know.  Well after about a month we kinda decided that they were having problems and he was no longer in the picture.  She then suddenly "had to move" out of the house they had bought and move into a small apartment.  Well the next thing we know there is some new guy driving her to PU/DO.  A few months later she tells DH she is engaged.  She never told us she was divorced or even not with the other guy anymore and she is suddenly engaged.  I totally know the "it's none of my business" thing but it kinda makes you wonder how some people can do some things without thinking the worst about them and their situations.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    I think it's normal to wonder what's going on, and I think to a degree we all do it.  I know there have been plenty of times where BM's BF should have been around for things and he's not, which then leads us to wonder if they're "off" again.  If your DD's BD didn't have a child with SM, I probably wouldn't think anything of it.  Maybe she was going out with friends and he didn't want to.  But since there is a child involved, it's definitely "curious".

    As Phantom said, since it will ultimately impact your DD it kinda sorta is your business and a heads up would be nice.  But maybe they're not at the point where they're ready to talk to people about it.  Hopefully they just needed a night apart from each other too cool off after an argument... 

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  • jnjmommy0609jnjmommy0609
    I have been in this situation and honestly to an extent it is my business because it does bring up concerns in my son. I mean he doesn't fully "get it" but he comes up with questions
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  • twister22twister22 member
    When BD and BM2 broke up, I knew but waited for BD to tell me on his own time, which he did about a month and a half after they broke up. I think at first he just thought that she needed some time, and he thought they would get back together. Once he realized she really did mean it when she broke up with him, he told me. I think that was fine. He didn't want to share with me his personal business that they were having issues as he was hoping they would get back together. Maybe in your situation BD and SM are having issues, and BD isn't ready to share that with you quite yet. I think if they permanently split up that you should be told, because it ultimately does affect DD. 
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