Being hopeful-ish — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Being hopeful-ish

I know most of us on this board may have just had a m/c within the last few days or weeks, but have you thought about how long you want to wait before you ttc again. I've talked about what my doctor said and how I feel about ttc again with a couple of people like my mom and a few friends. I've told them I don't want to wait too long and they pretty much give me the side eye. I was just wondering if anyone else has gotten the side eye for not wanting to wait too long to try again?

This is my second one this year, and I feel like for me I've come to some kind of resolve to where I just have to keep trying until hopefully I'm blessed with a baby again. I feel like no matter how much it hurts I would do anything, go through anything to have another child. Even if that means I have to suffer another miscarriage if that's what it took to finally get the precious baby I'm meant to have. The few people I've talked to don't seem to understand or get why I'd want to try again in a couple months instead of waiting longer. I don't know how to explain it to them. They keep saying things like but it takes longer for your body to heal and stuff like that.

My mom was actually mad that my doctor said I could try again whenever I want to. She argues about your uterus needing time to heal and a few months isn't long enough. I don't know.... 

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Re: Being hopeful-ish

  • Sorry for your loss.

    After my loss, almost a year ago, I decided to TTA for 6 months. My own personal reasons. However, my Dr. Wanted us to wait 3 cycles. I think it's important to listen to your Dr. No matter what.

    If you are ready and your Dr. Clears you I don't see why you shouldn't jump back on the TTC wagon.

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  • I would imagine that your mom is just trying to look out for you. But no one else can know when you are ready to start trying again except for you. If your dr. said you are ok to start trying again then I would trust that. I totally understand how you feel, about not wanting to wait a long time and being willing to go through anything. I have been feeling that same way!
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  • If it weren't for other timing reasons (work conflicts, money for leave, etc.), I'd be thinking about trying again soon too. I really do want to have another child, and I don't want DS and his future sibling to be too far apart. A very close friend had three miscarriages in the last year.  She told me that continuing to try was really right for her and made her feel better. Luckily, she is due with twins in a couple of months, so it really paid off!

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  • My dr wants me to wait 2 cycles. I would try again right away if I could. I am listening to my dr and I probably do need a mental break from it all. I don't think it is a bad thing to want to try right away. For me, I know the only thing that will help ease the hurt is to finally have a baby in my arms. I am with you. I will do whatever it takes to fulfill that dream.
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  • I think my mom is just worried about for the emotional aspect and the whole what if it happens again for a third time. I explained it to her that even if i wait, and it does happen again, it wouldn't hurt any less a month from now versus a year from now. What happened in May doesn't hurt any less, and I don't think it ever will. I've just accepted what happened and live with it. 

    I want to try again as soon as possible. I feel like I just have to keep going. Keep trying.  

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  • I find in such situations everyone is an "expert" or knows what is best for the other person. Maybe your mom is concerned about you? Or she's just being a mom...very hard call when I dont know either of you. Anyway, do what is best for YOU. To be honest this is my first time for everything. Part of me never ever wants to try b/c I dont want to deal with this again. But part of me knows trying will help me heal. Once I am done w/everything and I figure out things I am sure within a few months I will be TTC like it is my full time job. I have already talk to my BF and asked him and he said yes we can. So that put me at ease. take it easy and know we're all here for you and that you will be okay.
  • I was cleared to TTC once my hcg is negative. (Just had a test yesterday and waiting). Anyway, DH and I have decided to try right away (once I get the ok from the blood test).  My mom asked about it and I said we can try again but we aren't sure when we will (b/c that was the day after and I hadn't thought about it).  So really, no one knows we are trying again soon.

    I do worry that if we get pregnant again in the next couple cycles, that people will judge me.  I don't know why I feel that way.  Like you, I'm feeling hopeful that we can get and stay pregnant again.  I'm sorry you mom isn't on the same page as you.  But I guess in the end, whatever feels right for you (and your DH) is all that matters.  Good luck.

    Edit: for clarification



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  • I am ready to try again as soon as the doc gives the ok. I also know I need to grieve the loss of THIS baby, but I don't want to wait around forever (and I don't have forever, I am 35+). I am sure the grieving process will probably go hand-in-hand with the TTC process.

    I do plan to keep it quiet that we're TTC (except for here and the TTC after a loss board). I just don't need the random opinions of others. 

    Nobody else can tell you what is right for you. You and your DH/SO have to decide that for yourselves.

    _______________________________________________________________________
    First-time mom, 35+, parenting after a loss (mmc Oct. 2012 @ 8 wks), ttc for a year after loss

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  • I know that it depends on many factors b/c each miscarriage and each woman is different.  In my case, my doctor asked that we wait until AF comes to start trying.  As soon as AF returns, we plan on starting to try again.  

    I think if your doc asks you to wait longer, you should ask why and I am sure they can tell you why they want this for you.

    I am ready to TTC as soon we can, and people can totally side eye and I don't care! lol  No one can know if you are ready but you, and as long as you and DH feel it is right, and your doctor gives you the OK physically.

    I was so excited and telling so many people last time...I plan on being very quiet and private this time around b/c I am just more guarded about the whole thing. 

     

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  • image AlexKate45:

    I do worry that if we get pregnant again in the next couple cycles, that people will judge me.  I don't know why I feel that way.  Like you, I'm feeling hopeful that we can get and stay pregnant again. .

     I don't know why but I feel like that too, that if I get pregnant sooner rather than later people will judge me for it. 

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  • image kmichln:
    image AlexKate45:

    I do worry that if we get pregnant again in the next couple cycles, that people will judge me.  I don't know why I feel that way.  Like you, I'm feeling hopeful that we can get and stay pregnant again. .

     I don't know why but I feel like that too, that if I get pregnant sooner rather than later people will judge me for it. 

    I totally see why you might feel this way, but just remember that this is your journey with DH, and who cares if they judge or side eye you...screw them honestly if they do.  No one can understand where we are all coming from until they are in our position, and hopefully they won't have to be.  Good luck and hope you get KU quickly! lol

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  • My Dr. is having us wait two cycles.  I'm 40, so we're trying as soon as we can after (they won't work with my own eggs starting at age 43...). 

    I have discovered that perspective holds a lot of weight.  I didn't tell anyone outside of some close friends that I was pregnant and I've had many, many conversations with people who say things that are like knives to my heart (for instance, complaining about having two children under the age of three...and there I am trying not to cry as I would be estatic for that situation!).  They do not have my perspective.  Conversely, you have a different perspective than they do.  Don't worry about what anyone thinks.  Ask yourself if you'll care what they think when you're 80..  My bet is you won't.  Do what is best for you and you'll be happy every single time!! ((HUGS))


    me:40; DH:41; 4/30/12 1st visit with RE; 6/30/12 IUI #1 BFN; 7/19/12 IUI cancelled (overmedicated); 8/2/12 IUI cancelled (cyst); 9/1/12 IUI #2 BFP! EDD 5/28/13; 10/9/12 1st U/S at 7w3d--missed m/c (trisomy 16) D&C 10/19/12; karyotyping results normal!; 1/31/13 IUI #3 BFP! EDD 10/25/13 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Maternity tickers
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