Unbelievable!!!

blackpaw423 · October 2012

6 years of unsuccessfully trying to conceive with my ex-husband ruined our marriage. My ex moved on, and I tried to as well. After seeing someone for a very short time, I now find myself pregnant with my first child at 35. The father of this baby calls and texts to check on me - but hasn't seen me in person in over a month. I am desperately trying to find the joy in this pregnancy. I've wanted and prepared to be a mother for so long, but I never expected things to happen this way. The father is a lot younger than I am and was not accepting of me keeping this baby at first, and begged me to terminate the pregnancy. I refused to terminate the pregancy, I believe this baby is a gift from God. After weeks of fighting he now says that he has accepted the fact that we are having a baby - but continues to avoid seeing me in person. I am beyond confused, angry, and hurt over the situation. After I've come to grips and accepted that I'm going to be doing this on my own, now he says he wants to be part of this baby's life - but only in ways that benefit him and are convenient for him. Do I give him a chance now and let him be part of my pregnancy and our child's life? Or do I walk away from him because he has caused me so much pain and disappointment? Is no father better than one that continually disappoints??

Runaway22 · October 2012

I'm no expert, but I say give him a shot. But make sure he knows what you need and expect from in this. Who knows, he might grow up and be a man about it.

jnjmommy0609 · October 2012

Legally you kind of have to involve him. It doesn't look good if a mother purposely tries to keep the dad away from the baby. Especially when he didn't truly do anything wrong to the baby itself. Think about the saying that a woman is a mother when she conceives and a man is a father when he is physically able to hold his baby.

Don't let your emotions take over. I understand being mad since I have been in your shoes but at the same time you have to just move on and do what is right for the baby which is having a father and your ability to put your emotions aside and actually get along and communicate with the father. Hopefully this guy steps up like he says he will.

rlyttle · October 2012

I would give him the chance to be a father for the baby's sake. He may have hurt you and you don't have to pursue a relationship with him other then co-parents. Your child deserves a father, even if he's been a jerk. If he's younger, maybe he'll grow up & mature with the responsibilities of fatherhood.

Annplus1 · October 2012

You can't make him be a dad, but you can't stop him from being one. Set up a visitation schedule, agree on it, and be ready to file it after your child is born. His relationship with your baby is completely separate from any relationship with you. I know exactly what you are going through. Got pregnant after 4 years of trying with now xh found out about gf at 11 weeks along, divorced before DD born. I was 31. If he shows up for his visitation, great. If he doesn't, your LO is protected. You can do this. A visitation agreement makes everything better. Easier.

jmccall79 · November 2012

Realtionship quote that I like (it holds true for both parties):If he doesn't accept you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best. Same would hold true with a child, in my opinion. If he's not willing to accept all that raising a child entails, then he doesn't get to be a part time daddy when it's fun. From personal experience, no father would be better than one who does nothing but disappoint. If you know this is how he will be, why would you subject your child to that?

And legally, I don't think you 'have' to do anything...unless he fights you in court! I'm just saying.

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Unbelievable!!!

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