Densquared (and the oldies too!)
millejj1
member
I didn't want this to get buried so I just threw it in another post. No intention of being ugly, I just wanted to make sure what I was saying was heard.
I'm one of those "absent oldies" but this post brought me out to
share my 2 cents. (I kinda like Cashew's thought and I'll go with $1.74) I hate to see the board in conflict when we don't need to be. If I'm even still allowed to consider myself part of the board.
The feel and flow of the board has changed so many times since I came here, that it's all just part of the process. The
"newbies and in-betweenies" are right that it's nice to have this board
be a place for positive support. The oldies are also right that there
comes a time that you can't just smile and fake it til you make it
anymore and that cookie cutter responses that aren't genuinely from the
heart aren't worth putting out there. If you can't be truly emotionally
invested in someone then in the long run you aren't truly helping anyone. This board
isn't about only being nice to each other, it's about being open and
honest and sharing your journey, experiences and what you learn with
other women feeling what you feel. To just spread happiness may "feel
nice" but in my opinion it cheapens the depth of the feeling of
community.
If I weren't emotionally invested in other oldies, I wouldn't squeal when Luvmyducks launched her photography business, I wouldn't be practically real life bff's with Noahbear, I wouldn't know that Cashew is a Kindle addict, Jen is a coupon genius, Wicked is interested in making cards, Petra has the most amazing view ever at her house and has an affinity for loudly colored knee socks, or that Babytrippin has a secret love of rednecks. I definitely wouldn't look forward to work trips to Atlanta because I get to see Damabo, RunSchwartz, and Lorlei. That's just a few of them. Those ladies have become family. My heart celebrates with them during success and mourns with them during rough periods. We've been through hell and back and I love them for it. Again this is just my opinion but THAT is the point of the board.
Yeah some of the oldies have phased away, but how do you sustain that for YEARS? Not just 6, 8 or 10 months, but years. I've been here for over two years, and many of my dearest friends have their rainbow baby, some are pregnant with their second, and some even have their second. Grief and mourning are a process with many phases and stages and for those of us that have been here longer we may be simply in a different place. You can't help but get somewhat hardened to things and feel the need to circle the wagons to protect your heart as you continue to watch others get what you've been yearning so badly for, or bemoan their fates of waiting "so long" when you barely have had time to know them, let alone bond with them.
So, yeah, we may not be around as much. We may not be positive all the time, but just like being upset at your loss in the beginning of the grief process is ok, sticking to yourself when you're later down the road in order to prevent a different type of hurt should be ok too. It's not personal, it's just healing.
With that! Here are some cookies!
Re: Densquared (and the oldies too!)
Beautifully said! I am glad that you have extended your family during these trying times.
I hope, if nothing else comes of this, some of our oldies will realize that it's ok to come out and vent/ask for support/recognize a milestone. This is a horrible process to go through, and to do it without the support of those who have been through similar journeys, is sad.
Thanks for coming out of hiding to offer your $1.74
BFP #1 07/04/10. EDD 03/14/11. Missed m/c 08/09/10. D&C 09/27/10. }Casey & Jaimie{
TTA for 18 months and then TTC for 12 months
TTA for 7 months
Jan-Mar 2014 - RPL, SHG, karotyping: all results normal
TTC Again May 2014
Progesterone & baby aspirin combo for 5 cycles - All BFN's
SA with DNA fragmentation = Perfect results
Diagnostic cycle monitoring = Polycystic ovaries leading to premature egg release
TTA Oct 2014 - Jan 2015
Jan 2015 - Medicated cycle with timed intercourse
My Blog: The Canadian Housewife PGAL/PAL Welcome My Chart
*ahem* NOOK. Not kindle. NOOK. Big difference in the world of e-readers. It's kind of like high school rivals.
You never really knew me did you.
okay, now to read the rest because I literally stopped reading there and gasped! LOL
Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11
In my defense...every e-reader is a kindle to me.
I apologize to
your Nook for insulting it. I can switch my Cashew fact with something
more along the lines of:
Cashew's halloween costume was a binder full of women? Or that you love salted caramel mocha creamer?
BFP #1 12/29/10 EDD 08/29/11 Blighted Ovum 02/09/11 D&C 02/11/11
Clomid 50mg BFP #2 09/21/11 EDD 05/29/11 Chemical Pregnancy 10/4/11
BFP #3 4/19/13 Beta1- 106 Beta2- 524 Beta3- 3500 EDD 12/22/13 LO born 12/31/13
Oh yeah! I was a Binder Full Of Women for halloween and have Damaboo to thank for that one! That's what the friendships I have found from this board have meant to me!
And, now that I have read the rest, very well written.
Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11
Decided not to blitzkrieg the post with a million replies, so here's one for everyone!
Denquared- Glad you found it helpful! I hope you are able to form bonds and heal. We all deserve that.
km-md- Perspective is funny like that, you never know what you can't see until someone else shows you. Hopefully we can all play nicely!
you!
you too!
you too! I was kinda hoping for a leg hump though 
jenn0021- Muah!
martyn17- Thanks, glad you felt it was valuable.
poohbear-
mdharrison- Sorry I made you tear up, but I'm glad it was good tears. That's the twisted silver lining of the roller coaster we're all on. We meet amazing, form incredibly deep bounds, and learn things about ourselves and life we never could have dreamed of before. I'm glad the board has been good to you! (as an aside- from another long term TTA'er on the bench with no definite end in sight, that ride is totally different from TTC with it's own challenges and heartaches. Be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to find other things to use as an investment in yourself as you wait. Definitely helps keep the why not me's away if you're working on a goal and can see the benefit of seeing it through.)
mlal78- Thanks!
wicked-
To me, these words are the beauty of this board & the essence of your original post. It's almost divine the impact any one of us could have on another woman with any given post. It seems like every time I pray for guidance through these dark times, I come on the board and read a post or reply that touches my core & is just what I needed to hear (so to speak). Thank you for the wisdom mille.
You are both most welcome! I'm glad my emergence from hiding was helpful.
Becoming immersed in work was definitely helpful to me in the beginning but as time went on I needed something more, something deeper. I needed some way to improve myself big picture and reinforce my personal perception of my value. (sounds weird I know, but I had my job before my loss and I needed something new to bring my self esteem back up after my not a failure in reality but still felt like failure chaos of losing Alex. I just felt lost.)
Last year, I started a Master's program and have loved every second of it. I've thrown myself into it and taken on my field work with a passion and energy I would not have thought possible after a 50-60 hour work week. I opened up to a professor about it in a journal entry while abroad my first year, and she in turn shared with me that she was a loss survivor and understood. We've become incredibly close and she's been an amazing role model and support for me. It's been exactly what I needed. And while I'm watching folks on pregnancy number 2 it still stings, but I'm able to reflect on the past two years, and see while my path has been different than what I thought it would be, I've been improving along the way and have a prize in sight.
On a totally different note, I'm clearly tired, when I saw the quote again my grammar in that part of my post was terrible, and this
was supposed to be 
that one! Sorry!
Hahaha! I was literally just sharing those recipes with a friend of mine earlier today and thought of you! Glad you're still using them! Love you too!
Beautifully written, as always Mille.
I too have been a part of this board for quite some time and have not been as "here" as I should be. Many don't even know me or my story or that I have been TTA for over a year and possibly not TTC again. I too have grown close to many women and celebrate numerous occassions with the ladies I have met here. I have also cried tears of sadness right along with them and tears of happiness. It's hard to see everyone getting their hopes up and having them dashed with the blink of an eye or another cd1. It's also very hard to see others who have just moved beyond me. I am a very guarded person to begin with and I would say that right after I was burned by someone I personally trusted with many of my hopes and dreams turn out to be a troll, I have a really, really hard time opening up to people.
BFP#1 April 12, 2011, EDD December 24, 2011, strong heart beat at 7w3d, d&c at 10w6d
BFP#2 Oct 24, 2011, natural miscarriage, EDD unknown
After RPL testing my losses and subsequent infertility are considered unexplained.
Cycle #22: Femara, TI, and progesterone = BFP!!
BFP#3 Dec 21, 2012. Beta #1 @14dpo = 134, progesterone 67.8. Beta #2 @ 17dpo = 664! Team green, EDD 9/1/13, healthy baby boy born 9/12/13!
Congratulations to the fabulous KGS2003! Her sweet boys are here! Grow boys grow!!!
Well said, millejj. Ever since I joined this board in Sept/Oct 2011 I have had a sympathetic understanding of the quote/unquote oldies and how they react to those on this board who are here and gone again in what seems like the blink of an eye. I am continually in awe of those who are here for so long and can continue to offer positive support day after day, week after week, and month after month.
As I was here longer and longer my understanding took on a more empathetic nature. I took a bump break for a few months over the summer after being here for over 8 months and becoming very depressed about my TTCAL journey. When I came back to the board I recognized very few. I assume most of those that were here when I left either graduated or are taking a bump break for the same reason I did. TTCAL is not an easy journey and it can be very draining, sometimes we may not be as positive as others and saying nothing might be the best thing we can do.