How important is age spacing to you? — The Bump
February 2012 Moms

How important is age spacing to you?

How far apart in age do you want your kids? How important is it to you?

Would you have your kids X years apart knowing that money would be tight? Or would you have them farther apart than you want so that you could be spendy?
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Re: How important is age spacing to you?

  • We wanted them 2 or 3 years apart and landed right at 2.5. I think it would have roughly the same cost impact any time we had the second one, unless we waited until DD was much older. We wanted them closer together than that. So, I guess cost wasn't a deciding factor for us, but it depends on the degree of impact it would have. We are not rolling in money by any means but we are in no real financial danger, either.
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  • yeah we want 3 close together. The only factor for us is how much I have to work in between for me to qualify for a full paid mat leave, which is only 5 months. woo hoo! 
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  • Our two are 2 years and 2 months apart. Exactly what we hoped for! I'd like to wait until Lauren is 3 to have another one, just for daycare purposes. If we could afford it Id like them 2 years apart. But I'll need to wait until Ryan is in kindergarten and Lauren is in preschool.
    Lauren has Down syndrome and a complete AV canal heart defect
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  • Honestly, I would have loved to have had number 2 in early 2013. That's not going to happen, but more because of life, not money. I'm hoping they're about 2-3 years apart at this point.
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  • It was important to me that there be some spacing. I didn't want to be paying for 2 in daycare at the same time and I didn't want to pay for 2 in college at the same time. They are 4y6w apart and that is perfect for us. 
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  • If we had two we wanted them two years apart. My sister and I are 4 years apart and we're not close and I always wondered if we were closer in age if that would have helped (although my brother is 7 years younger and we were always very tight). Obviously things worked out differently! It's definitely more expensive to have two at once right now - daycare costs are fun! - but overall I think it will be cheaper because we get discounts on lots of stuff. Daycare gives us a 20% discount so in the end we pay less then if they were a few years apart. I wonder if daycares would do something similar for siblings? 
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  • Money wasn't really an issue.  I figure it is only going to be bad when they are older! Not that we have lots of money...we don't. We didn't get married until 31 so we didn't have much time if we wanted 3 kids.  So we just had to go ahead and have them.  I am hoping that they are 2 years apart.  DS and DD ended up being 2 years and 5 months, which has been great.  If we were younger I would of put more years between kids. Hope for my one more in a year and a half.
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  • We really wanted our kids 2 yrs apart.  LO #2 would have been born within 1 week of DS but I had a mmc.  DD was born at 2y9m.  Now I look at posts like this and think how naive I was then...
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  • It was a combination of finances and preference. The financial decision came from the fact that I can stay home now. This way we can avoid daycare costs and also so it'd be less time that I would be out of work. Yes, that means more expenses when their older (2 going to school, cars, ect), but by then I'll be back to work. I don't *have* to work, we're fine financially, but the extra income will be nice for extras when they are older.

     The preference decision came from the fact that my half brother is 7 years older than me and in so many ways I felt like an only child. We're close now and we had a great childhood, but with that age difference, we had so little in common that it wasn't until we were older that we got closer. DH has 5 sisters that are close in age and they have so many great memories and are still close. I wanted to closeness for my children instead of the age gap that I had when I was younger. Does it mean that they will be the greatest of friends? No, but at least I can say I tried.

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  • To me, 2 or 3 years apart sounds good.  However, it's just me and Ian...so who knows if there will ever be a sibling.  I'm just glad I have my little man at this point...but would hope some day there could/will be another.

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  • We are planning on wait at least 4 years to have another. But our thinking is that we want ds to be able to be a bit independent by the time the next one comes and not only thinking short term but long term, as in we already know we are going to help our kids in college so having at least a 4 year gap will help us help the first born and also give us a good amount of time to save up and help our next child. Money isn't a problem and I sah so we don't have day care expenses but even if I did work my Mom is retired andi know she would take care of ds. Also my older sister and I are 6 years apart and my lil brother and I are 6 years apart and we are very close, we do alot together and also as a family. I don't think the year gap between siblings has anything to do with siblings being close or not, my dh is a twin and him and his twin are not close at all, I think its more of how parents get their kids to be togetherand get them to be close.
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  • I would usually imagine 2 years apart,b but we have stopped trying to prevent it now.
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  • I like the idea of 2 or 3 years apart.  That was the spacing for all of my brothers and sisters, and it worked for us.  Financially, we aren't in a great place to have children (H is in school and will be for at least the next 5 years, maybe longer), and I am nannying so I can take Lucia with me.  But I am 34, and having a big family is important to us, so we just work on being frugal and responsible, and they might end up a little closer than 2 years.  

    The girls I nanny are 14 months apart, and that is just too close for me.  The older one really had to be the 'big girl' very quickly, even though she was still a baby herself.  The family loves having them so close, but it's just not for me.  So though I am baby crazy right now, and so jealous of all those TTC, we will wait until Lucia is at least 1 to start trying.  

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  • My 2 are 2 years, 1 month apart and that spacing has been fine for us. It's not easy, but I don't think it ever is. It's not so bad now, but the first 6 months were rough with tantrums from my oldest, and also potty training her while also dealing with a baby, etc.  Finances didn't enter into our decision, not like we're rolling in it, but our daycare is pretty affordable so it wasn't a huge deal to have 2 in daycare. Also, typically even when a kid goes to school you still do need to pay for some childcare before/after school and in the summer so trying to avoid 2 in daycare can be impossible if you work full time. Most daycares do give sibling discounts.
  • We waited until DD was 2 to start TTC. I knew I wanted them closer to 3 years apart. DS was born about a month before DD turned 3. It's been good spacing, IMO. The beginning was a bit rough because DD was verbal enough to really let us know how she felt about being a big sister (NOT happy about it! lol) and we went through a rough patch with her having huge tantrums. It was partly her adjustment to having DS and partly just being 3. But now they are great. DD is pretty independent and she really does help me a lot with DS. She wouldn't be able to do that if she were younger.
    S- March 09 E- Feb 12 L- May 15


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