Hospital bed-resters - short poll and a discussion Q

FullHeartMama · October 2012

Do you have other little ones at home?

How long have you been away?

How old is/are your other LO(s)?

Has your relationship changed? If so, how?

I'm feeling sort of down tonight after seeing my family (DH, mom, and my 18 mo son). It's the leaving part that sucks the most. I was actually having a good day today and then when they came, it made me feel sort of awful because my busy little toddler won't sit with me for long in the hospital bed, despite what I try, and he seems to be more distant from me. I feel like everything has changed with us. He won't nurse anymore, which is hard, in and of itself. This happened when I came into the hospital a few days ago. He just doesn't seem to care about me anymore. Even when DH holds him and leans him over to me to give hugs and kisses, he just pushes away and cries to get away.

To be honest, I almost dread him coming up because I feel like he can't stand to be near me. And then I get to watch everyone leave me alone at night. I just hate it. I almost would rather they not come than to feel the way I do while they're here and then the loneliness when they leave me.

Isn't that awful? Does anyone else feel that way? Sad

weddedwife · November 2012

I know my situation probably doesn't compare since I was only in the hospital for a week, but my DD was the same way when she would come to visit. She wouldn't sit in the bed with me, didn't want to cuddle or give hugs or kisses. She was too busy looking around the room at all the stuff and she was a little clingy w DH. As hard as it was, I tried to take it as a good sign that she was doin ok without me. I think it would've been more heartbreaking if DH had to tear her away screaming every time they left. That said, I still felt a little dejected.

Maybe you can try getting some new and really interesting toy that he only plays with you in bed? Or maybe put on a kids movie sometime just to steal some cuddle time?

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, mama. Try to remember its only temporary; I know that's hard though.

FullHeartMama · November 2012

weddedwife:
I know my situation probably doesn't compare since I was only in the hospital for a week, but my DD was the same way when she would come to visit. She wouldn't sit in the bed with me, didn't want to cuddle or give hugs or kisses. She was too busy looking around the room at all the stuff and she was a little clingy w DH. As hard as it was, I tried to take it as a good sign that she was doin ok without me. I think it would've been more heartbreaking if DH had to tear her away screaming every time they left. That said, I still felt a little dejected. Maybe you can try getting some new and really interesting toy that he only plays with you in bed? Or maybe put on a kids movie sometime just to steal some cuddle time? I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, mama. Try to remember its only temporary; I know that's hard though.

You always know what to say. I appreciate that. I hadn't thought about it the way you presented it - that it might be harder if DH had to pull him away from me screaming and crying. That makes me feel a bit better about things. At the end of the day, I care more about how he's doing than how I'm doing...

I like your suggestions about ways to steal cuddles. I think I'll try that today.

Thanks so much!!!

Kadyra · November 2012

FullHeartMama:
Do you have other little ones at home? How long have you been away?nbsp;How old is/are your other LOs?Has your relationship changed? If so, how?nbsp;nbsp;

I'm no longer on hospital bedrest but I thought I'd chime in.

Ds1 turned three while I was in the hospital. I skyped during his party. I cried when he opened his presents and when they sang happy birthday.

I was in the hospital for three days at 24 weeks, 35 days from 26 to 31 weeks. Then 4 days at 32 weeks, and I had ds2 on day 2 of that stay. Then I was in the NICU for at least six hours a day for three weeks until ds2 came home.

It was harder on me to be away than it was for ds1. Dh brought him one or two times a day for an hour or so each time. He got too restless if it was longer. And once or twice a week he and dh had a sleepover with me. He was pretty clingy when he was with me and after having been home for 5.5 weeks now, he still is. He refers to our home as "daddy's house" and says I live at the hospital. Depressing for me! I shower him with hugs and kisses and play with him a lot. We've had some alone time doing fun things together too.

Dh's mom came for three weeks and he really enjoyed the time with grammie. She took him to her condo for a couple days a few times. SIL drive down and took ds1 up to her farm for about a week. And a friend of ours took him for a few evenings. We were really blessed with all the help we had. We thought we'd have none, since all our family is out of town. With all that excitement and tons of new toys, ds1 did great. As I said, much harder on me than him.

I think my relationship with dh suffered more. I really missed my husband. He was wonderful during 16 weeks of bedrest and all that hospital time. I am always tagging along with him everywhere, even though ds2 is so little. I can't stand to be apart. I'm going to hate going back to work!

ETA all children are different. Toddlers are resilient creatures. They will do fine without us, which hurts us more than them. They will either be overly clingy or push you away. They're easily distractable and oftentimes a new toy is more exciting than mommy. Let alone grandma! Just let your LO do her thing. Try not to take it personally. And eventually she'll come around.

Hospital bed-resters - short poll and a discussion Q

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