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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
heatherb7911
member
My mother and her new baby! (long vent)
heatherb7911
member
My mother is only 41, I am 20. My mother and step father (who didnt have children, until recently) had a little boy in June. I was kind of weirded out by the idea, but I mean they aren't "too old" so I just obviously live with it and didnt really mind all that much.
My DS is 16 months and absolutely loves his grandma, but she just seems to want very little interaction with him. And shes even said some pretty hurtful things to me lately (note: my mom and I are close and see each other at least once a week.) Whenever we visit she just acts as if she wants us to leave, I know having a 5 month old is exhusting and all but she is the one who invites us over. And whenever Im there I always spend time with my brother so she can spend time with DS.
Now the story:
So last week we had taked about going trick or treating, DS, my brother, my mother and myself. So today I got DS ready and told him grandma was to be here any minute. Trick or treating started at 4:30 and it was 4:25ish and she said shed be to my house at 4 but I get sometimes with an infant you can run late. So at about 4:45 she still wasnt here, so I called her. She then tells me that she felt as if she needed time with my brother just the two of them. I was kind of up set she didnt call and tell me this sooner in the day but whatever. DS and I head out and meet up with my aunt, no big deal. Well then not even an 20 minutes into trick or treating I see my mom and brother with my step dads sister. I just played it off like it was no big deal but I mean come on really!! So tonight I called her to kind of talk about how it made me feel that she would ditch us like that and how she would rather go with her then us, when we all could have went together. She then told me because she has a new family that needs her more! I get her son needs her more then I do but that doesnt mean to treat me like complete crap.
Do you guys think Im just being to emotional or would you be bothered by this too?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My mother and her new baby! (long vent)
I'd be upset if my mom left me waiting for 45 minutes and then lied. She should have been upfront about it (feeling that she needs to spend more time with the others). I'm sure that still would have hurt you, but at least you wouldn't have been doubly hurt from the lie.
I don't have advice on how to deal with it. Sorry you're dealing with this, and I hope that things get better.
Well, she could have been more mature about it and called you to let you know. That's all.
And 40 is not too old to have a baby, thanks! Many of us waited until our mid-30s or 40s to have our first.
id be very upset,,, you sound very realistic imo... what a crazy scenario... i bet it will be fun down the road,,,
i wonder if your mom is having realllllly crazy hormones like post baby & menopausal... just a thought...
And she's just been like this recently. This isnt the only selfish thing, the one that doesnt involve me but gets under my skin is, her and my step dad can barely make ends meet now and she wants to leave her job to go work part time for minimum wage. I get wanting to be home with her son and all but when she cant pay her bills now what will happen, cuts her hourly wage by more then half and cuts her hours by more than half also.
(sorry another vent lol)
I have considered PP but ugh lol
I think your mom was a flake and not very nice about the ToT situation. In that scenario you are justified in being irritated.
However, I don't think her job or money situation is really your business. I understand that you are concerned for her and want her to be ok, but at the same time I think you are being overly judgmental about 1.) Her having a kid at her age. Her reproductive choices are her business 2.) her job situation.
Let her be an adult and worry about her situation. You focus on yours.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I think your Mom wants to not lie and be up front with you. You obviously are open minded and understanding but it is the lying and not giving you the information that you are upset about, which is totally understandable. Maybe you could sit down with her without kids if you are able to and talk it through. Come up with a plan of what the best way to spend time together. It isn't easy.
My Brother was 20 and I was 13 when my little brother and sister were born and it wasn't easy to begin with and he didn't even have a child. I will tell you that now my brother and sister are now 19 and 20 we all have a great relationship. We are very spread out but connected in different ways so I would give the relationships time to adjust.
I really just think its time for your Mom and you to sit down and discuss things...don't come out swinging if you know what I mean but approach her in a non confrontational way that you are concerned that everyone's relationship is being affected and you want to come up with the best way to spend time together.
OP, I think she could have handled that situation differently. But I think you're expecting her to treat her grandson and grown daughter the same as her own newborn son, and that's unrealistic. I don't think she's necessarily being selfish. I mean, I don't want to share all of my baby's "firsts" and special occassions with other family members (yes, I know she ended up trick or treating with other people, and as I said, she could've handled that differently). Also, as for inviting you over, maybe she's doing that because she thinks you want to see her baby, not for her to dote on you and your baby. I'm not saying that's right or anything, I'm just saying that you guys probably have different expectations of that time together. You have to realize that you are a grown woman, and your son is not her son. And if you aren't enjoying visiting with her, either stop going or talk to her about it.
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
I would be upset to. She is still your mother, you are still her daughter, she needs to get it together!!