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Does it ever get easier?

QueenNadine4QueenNadine4
in Blended Families

My DD's father (my now ex husband) and I have no kind of relationship. We currently share custody of our DD 50/50 but there is no kind of communication between the two of us simple because we do not get along. There are no kind of feelings towards each other so that's not the problem. He has a gf and they just had a baby and I've been dating someone for almost 5 months now. I've tried countless times to have some kind of friendship or even just be civilized with him but nothing has worked. 

We've been separated since DD was 3 months old but he recently came back into our lives 6 months ago. So, I basically didn't hear from him for year and now we share custody so it's really hard on me that I don't know anything about essentially half of my DD's life. I guess what I'm asking is, will things eventually get better between us? I've waved the white flag countless times and tried reconciling but again, we just don't get along. 

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Re: Does it ever get easier?

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    QueenNadine4QueenNadine4
    Also, his GF and I get along fine. We talk more than him and I do because most of the time that's how I find anything out anything about DD. 
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    twister22twister22 member

    In my experience, things have gotten better as more time has passed. But, it all depends on your situation.

    Just curious - if BD was out of the picture for a year, how did you guys end up with 50/50 custody? 

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    SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    We've been seperated for almost a year, divorced since March, and we have legal 50/50 even though I end up having them 4 nights a week and he gets 3. I'm still struggling with it. I hate giving up so much time even though I know he's a good dad and has a good relationship with the kids. It just feels unfair sometimes to have to give them up. I posted earlier pouting about it. So I can sympathize, but I can't tell you it gets easier. XH and I have a good relationship and its still hard. Just keep doing whatever you feel like is best for your LO. That's all you can do.
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    FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    Time helps, but it's not a fix-it-all.

    Have you tried keeping communication written rather than face-to-face/verbal?  Sometimes it helps to be able to write something, leave it for awhile, come back and revise it.  Less likely to blow up.  Also remember, you don't have to like each other, you just have to be able to relay facts, free of emotion.

    If you can't do that, look into finding a good mediator now.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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    QueenNadine4QueenNadine4
    imagetwister22:

    Just curious - if BD was out of the picture for a year, how did you guys end up with 50/50 custody? 

    Honestly, it's a long drawn out story that I just don't feel like explaining. Basically, he wasn't able to be around for a year due to reasons other than him being a doucher (financial and his job) but when he moved to my town to live closer to her, I decided it is best for her to have her dad in her life. It ended up being 50/50 because I'm in nursing school so her being with him while I'm in school is a lot of help for me but it's also good for her because she spends time with her dad as well. He was done a complete 180 so I don't hold any resentment towards him anymore.

    We still have a lot of issues but it's mainly communication. We don't talk... at all. If we do then it ends up being an argument about something. That's the part I hate about everything right now. That's what I'm hoping gets better in the future for not only my DD's sake but mine too!  

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    QueenNadine4QueenNadine4
    imagedbliesmer:

    I think the main thing that has helped us has been both parents realizing that what they want is not important, it's what's best for the child.  I know it's hard to give up on your time, but know that they also need time with their dad and it will only be better for them to have him in their lives. 

    See this is where I feel like I don't get enough credit. I didn't have to let him see her after all the BS he put me through in the past but I decided to put my feelings to te side and do what's best for her. He's very immature when it comes to certain things. He plays his part now but when it comes to acting like an adult towards me, he is basically incapable.  I can't blame everything on him but the way things are now just aren't working out. I don't like the fact that I don't know anything about her life when she's with her dad. 

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    QueenNadine4QueenNadine4
    imageFutureMrsWittig:

    Time helps, but it's not a fix-it-all.

    Have you tried keeping communication written rather than face-to-face/verbal?  Sometimes it helps to be able to write something, leave it for awhile, come back and revise it.  Less likely to blow up.  Also remember, you don't have to like each other, you just have to be able to relay facts, free of emotion.

    We don't really talk face to face. I've tried in the past but he just doesn't really reply and I end up being the one sounding like I'm barking orders at him but really I'm just trying to tell him what's going on with her. We mostly text. If he gets mad about something he waits until I leave and then texts me.  

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