Anyone still having problems with DH?

ashleypembroke · October 2012

I foolishly thought things were getting a little better but got told otherwise last night. He even told me he felt like we were on two separate sides of the room yelling to one another when we were side by side talking quietly about our problems.

Anyone else still have issues with their SO? We talked about making sure we had alone time that was not sexy time and I am talking to my dr tomorrow about my still (really) decreased sex drive. I think we may need more help... And the kicker is that I am a therapist!

mamaZbo · October 2012

I feel the same way a lot of the time. We are overtired, working a lot and a out of sync with each other. I feel like most of our interactions are negative ones and we never have a chance to just be together doing something fun. One good thing about Sandy was that it gave us two days home alone as a family. It was nice to be able just to lounge around together and not always be racing to get something done. I'd like us to get some counseling on being better communicators.

amyc216 · October 2012

We're doing ok, but just bicker so much since LO was born. I feel like a lot of it is my fault b/c I'm terrible at confrontation and I don't always let him know when he's bothering me. Plus, I don't want to be a nag. Also, he recently told me that it was easier when I was out of town to deal with LO b/c when I am there he feels like I'm judging him! Honestly, I usually am judging!

ashleypembroke · October 2012

We bicker about things all.the.time. There are days where things are great and we are able to laugh and joke like we used to but the other days are awful. We sometimes have problems like y'all where we are SO not on the same page when I thought we were... that is probably the most frustrating.

We are going out of town this weekend and J will be staying overnight with my mom for the first time without us so maybe that will help... fingers crossed.

ashleypembroke · October 2012

mamaZbo:
I feel the same way a lot of the time. We are overtired, working a lot and a out of sync with each other. I feel like most of our interactions are negative ones and we never have a chance to just be together doing something fun. One good thing about Sandy was that it gave us two days home alone as a family. It was nice to be able just to lounge around together and not always be racing to get something done. I'd like us to get some counseling on being better communicators.

This too!

pearblossom · October 2012

We do have some rough patches still, but one of the reasons I love him so much is because he challenges me. We butt heads quite often, but I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't last in a relationship that comes easy. So I am trying to work on embracing it and being more easygoing about it, rather than letting it escalate into fighting. We are also trying to disagree more respectfully now that we have little sponges watching our every move.

BeesMomma00 · October 2012

This may sound like a cop-out... but I've learned to just let some things go. When I might have previously been pissed that MH stopped at the bar after work with his friends while I'm home pulling my hair out because LO is not cooperating... I don't get mad. I just let it go. Not everything is worth the battle.

ashleypembroke · October 2012

Woodsie:
Yeah. It's a lot better but we still have work to do. Actually, I still have work to do. DH has been great lately, but I am holding on to a lot of resentment about how he handled the first few months of T's life. I'm trying, but can't seem to let it go, and it makes me act cold towards him. I don't bring it up with him ever, but I just feel differently towards him now and I'm having trouble seeing him as the man I was married to before T was born. It's just not the same and I don't feel the same way about him any more.

These are the feelings that we are trying desperately to avoid and I don't know if we have already reached that point. It makes me sad and mad at the same time.

DoctorWorm222 · October 2012

Woodsie:
Yeah. It's a lot better but we still have work to do. Actually, I still have work to do. DH has been great lately, but I am holding on to a lot of resentment about how he handled the first few months of T's life. I'm trying, but can't seem to let it go, and it makes me act cold towards him. I don't bring it up with him ever, but I just feel differently towards him now and I'm having trouble seeing him as the man I was married to before T was born. It's just not the same and I don't feel the same way about him any more.

This is exactly where I'm at right now. DH is doing much, much better with E now that she's older, but I just can't get over the months and months that he spent acting like she wasn't his problem.

I'm actually going out of town in a few weeks for business, and I'm scared out of my mind about it because DH will be alone with E for two days. He's only given her bottles a handful of times, I don't think he's ever fed her a meal, he may have rocked her to sleep (mostly unsuccessfully) two or three times, and he often gets frustrated when he has to change a poopy diaper and ends up needing help. Most of their 1-on-1 interaction takes place when I'm in the shower, and he spends most of that time yelling at me to hurry up. I guess "sink or swim" time is nigh. I'm just worried that E won't get the level of care that she's used to.

Scramblersmom · October 2012

I am still having issues with DH too. We have had sexy time only a couple of times since DS was born. In the meantime, I am sick and tired of being so overwhelmed and exhausted all of the time while trying to manage my joint pain too.

DH does very little next to what I do on a day to day basis. I always have to tell him everything too including yelling at him 3+ times every morning to get up. Last night and this morning I just thought I might have a break down. We need another $400 in our joint account to pay bills so I have to carry the stress of telling him to transfer more money. He has not followed up on his counseling either and he probably won't unless I nag him. There is too many little things to discuss here but I have been out of commission al week due to a flare up of my auto-inflammatory condition topped with the fall down the stairs. DH has done very little while I have been out of commission such as he makes dinner but doesn't do the dishes, He watches DS but I have to tell him to change DS's diaper. Last night he wanted to cook dinner but then had to ask me step by step how to do it and left most of the dishes in the sink. I asked him 3 mos ago to tape up the furnace and change the filter yet it still isn't done. He has borrowed the neighbors ladder for over a month to fix a small part of the roof. Our toilet is running all of the time because the flapper needs to be repaired. I just can't take it anymore! I am thinking of calling a handyman to finish up these tasks...FOR ME!

ashleypembroke · October 2012

smit5009:
I am still having issues with DH too. We have had sexy time only a couple of times since DS was born. In the meantime, I am sick and tired of being so overwhelmed and exhausted all of the time while trying to manage my joint pain too.
DH does very little next to what I do on a day to day basis. I always have to tell him everything too including yelling at him 3+ times every morning to get up. Last night and this morning I just thought I might have a break down. We need another $400 in our joint account to pay bills so I have to carry the stress of telling him to transfer more money. He has not followed up on his counseling either and he probably won't unless I nag him. There is too many little things to discuss here but I have been out of commission al week due to a flare up of my auto-inflammatory condition topped with the fall down the stairs. DH has done very little while I have been out of commission such as he makes dinner but doesn't do the dishes, He watches DS but I have to tell him to change DS's diaper. Last night he wanted to cook dinner but then had to ask me step by step how to do it and left most of the dishes in the sink. I asked him 3 mos ago to tape up the furnace and change the filter yet it still isn't done. He has borrowed the neighbors ladder for over a month to fix a small part of the roof. Our toilet is running all of the time because the flapper needs to be repaired. I just can't take it anymore! I am thinking of calling a handyman to finish up these tasks...FOR ME!

I'm so sorry that he isn't helping, especially since you are out of commission right now. Mostly I am concerned that he hasn't followed up on his counseling... ((hugs)) to you!

katecham · October 2012

ashleypembroke:
Woodsie:
Yeah. It's a lot better but we still have work to do. Actually, I still have work to do. DH has been great lately, but I am holding on to a lot of resentment about how he handled the first few months of T's life. I'm trying, but can't seem to let it go, and it makes me act cold towards him. I don't bring it up with him ever, but I just feel differently towards him now and I'm having trouble seeing him as the man I was married to before T was born. It's just not the same and I don't feel the same way about him any more.

 
These are the feelings that we are trying desperately to avoid and I don't know if we have already reached that point. It makes me sad and mad at the same time.

This. We aren't the same couple we were before. I go between mourning the loss of "us" and tryin to establish a new relationship. DH was an asshat when I was pregnant and I am holding a lot of fear and resentment toward him. I've forgiven but can't forget and it's still affecting us.

Anyone still having problems with DH?

Re: Anyone still having problems with DH?

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