I HATE facebook. Rant with advice needed.

graciesmurf · October 2012

My mom, sister, and best friend, Cori, are hosting my shower in December and I am so thankful to them.

But, everytime I log onto facebook my sister has a different comment about my baby shower that basically promotes/pressures people into coming. My mom doesn't have a facebook. My best friend, Cori, did something like this once. When I saw it I called her and told her it made me uncomfortable; she said she didn't think about it but could see my point. Cori hasn't since.

When I saw my sister's and called her she told me I was being too sensitive. She hasn't stopped posting such comments (thankfully she scaled them down to comments on friend's pages and not her own status). I've been running "interference" and messaging people that "I'd love to see them there, but understand if they cannot make it" and to "please not feel pressured to attend".

I am now dealing with this from other relatives who know about the shower. Here is the one I found this morning:

Kaitlin (a cousin) posted this on my aunt's wall

I wore my moccasins the other day and they were amazing! thank you so much! I think they're about to get put away for the wither though cause they're not exactly water proof. Also, I'm planning on heading out to WV during winter break are you guys gonna be around? I'd love to see you

My Aunt: Glad the moccasins are what you hoped! If by winter break you are meaning Christmas time then yes, we should be around. If you are in by the 14th of Dec, you can be here for graciesmurf's baby shower :-)

Me: =-) Thanks Aunt Mel! Kaitlin, I sent you a message. I'd love to see you if you make it to WV. If not till later, let me know and we'll meet up at Grandma's.

WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THIS IS OKAY?!

If anyone else has dealt with this how do I make it stop? Or, am I over-reacting and should just let it go?

I'm sorry for the formatting change. After copying from facebook TB is not letting my un-bold and resize.

EastCoastBride · October 2012

Taking this at face value, um... Not seeing the issue. They are making conversation and plans around her trip. So what that your aunt mentioned your shower? If this was through email or on the phone, the exact same conversation probably would have happened. The ony difference is this was on FB where you were able to see it.

Im really failing to see how this is pressuring anyone.

persephonerose · October 2012

While I understand that you do not feel it is ok to do this, you can only control your actions. Doing "clean" up behind your relatives makes the whole situation a bit more drama that it probably is, based on the message you shared.

People who might not have thought twice about a baby shower mention or reminder to attend will certainly be questioning motives once you are done sending them messages.

I would let it go. Even if other people find it tacky it will reflect on the person posting to facebook or the hosts, not on the guest of honor.

jeffsjayme · October 2012

EastCoastBride:
Taking this at face value, um... Not seeing the issue. They are making conversation and plans around her trip. So what that your aunt mentioned your shower? If this was through email or on the phone, the exact same conversation probably would have happened. The ony difference is this was on FB where you were able to see it.
Im really failing to see how this is pressuring anyone.

This. Sounds like they're excited, not the mafia making people come.

hansonam446 · October 2012

jeffsjayme:
EastCoastBride:
Taking this at face value, um... Not seeing the issue. They are making conversation and plans around her trip. So what that your aunt mentioned your shower? If this was through email or on the phone, the exact same conversation probably would have happened. The ony difference is this was on FB where you were able to see it.
Im really failing to see how this is pressuring anyone.
This. Sounds like they're excited, not the mafia making people come.

Lol this put a funny mental image in my head. Like PP said, I think they're just getting the word out, not trying to pressure people. Are they sending out actual invites or is this the only way they're communicating with people?

Pearls+Oysters · October 2012

I do think you're over reacting, and I also think that you might look like you're just butting in on conversations that do not entirely relate to you, therefore bringing even more attention to the shower comments.

In that example, your aunt was merely telling your cousin that she might be able to make it to your shower deending on when she came home, not that she HAD to make it home on time for your shower.

EastCoastBride · October 2012

SuperDeDuper:

If your sister, or others, are putting status updates like "Only 7 weeks til graciesmurf's baby shower! Start shopping ladies, she is registered at such-and-such stores so make sure to buy some stuff off of her lists. We better see you at the party!!!1!!" Then yes, I'd be annoyed.

Yes, this is pressure. Saying "Well, if you're coming to town, you better come by the 14th so that you can go to the shower" is pressure. Simply saying "If you're in town, you'd be able to go the shower if you want" is not pressure.

And I agree- you chiming in on a conversation between 2 people actually brings MORE attention to your shower and is making it a bigger deal than it should be.

Fixie · October 2012

I see nothing wrong.

rockinmommy · October 2012

I see nothing wrong, and think you may be a little too sensitive about it.

jasminelorraine20 · October 2012

I don't see the big deal. She's excited about your shower, not pressuring her. I think you should stop running interference and getting involved. Your only job is to show up to the shower and enjoy your gifts and company.

ggatlanta · October 2012

rockinmommy:
I see nothing wrong, and think you may be a little too sensitive about it.

Me three... But I do agree with you, OP, about hating FB in general.

The only thing that would worry me about people discussing a party on FB is that possibly someone who was not invited will see the discussion, realize no invitation is forthcoming, and feel excluded and hurt. I personally never talk about any event in a public forum like that, out of respect for the feelings of those who might not have been included. I don't even write stuff like, "Kathy, thanks for inviting us to your awesome party Friday night!" on someone's wall; I send a message or email instead.

But other than that, I don't see a problem with people talking about your baby shower in the example you present, and I really don't think what you copied constitutes undue (or any) pressure. Sometimes a FB break helps... Maybe that's the rX for you? Good luck!

a&s05 · October 2012

The only way I'd see this as an issue was if your showerdate and all was supposed to be a surprise party for you. Otherwise I don't see any harm in it.

526SadieSadie · October 2012

They aren't inviting people to your home and expecting you to cook for them and entertain them. Your hosts can invite whomever they want to, I think you're being oversensitive.

The message you sent to Kaitlin sounds more like "I don't want you there, so don't bother coming." That's the way I'd take it if it were me.

Cellis · October 2012

jasminelorraine20:
I don't see the big deal. She's excited about your shower, not pressuring her. I think you should stop running interference and getting involved. Your only job is to show up to the shower and enjoy your gifts and company.

I agree. I don't see anything wrong with the conversation.

graciesmurf · October 2012

I was away from this too long (10 hour shift today). I agree with most of the PPs and I need to take a step back from the shower altogether, including conversations about it.

This is unclear in my OP but I was tagged in the post, not dropping in on a convo. Also, my aunt is not a host and the reason this convo bothered me was because she invited someone. Again, I agree I just need to let it not be my business. This was confusing though because in the OP I complained about two different problems without a clear transition.

Thanks for the perspective. From now on I'm just going to ignore fb convos tagged or not.

jenlb03 · October 2012

You are overreacting.

SoxFan777 · October 2012

rockinmommy:
I see nothing wrong, and think you may be a little too sensitive about it.

Agreed... you're overreacting...

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I HATE facebook. Rant with advice needed.

Kaitlin (a cousin) posted this on my aunt's wall

I wore my moccasins the other day and they were amazing! thank you so much! I think they're about to get put away for the wither though cause they're not exactly water proof. Also, I'm planning on heading out to WV during winter break are you guys gonna be around? I'd love to see you

My Aunt: Glad the moccasins are what you hoped! If by winter break you are meaning Christmas time then yes, we should be around. If you are in by the 14th of Dec, you can be here for graciesmurf's baby shower :-)

Me: =-) Thanks Aunt Mel! Kaitlin, I sent you a message. I'd love to see you if you make it to WV. If not till later, let me know and we'll meet up at Grandma's.

WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THIS IS OKAY?!

If anyone else has dealt with this how do I make it stop? Or, am I over-reacting and should just let it go?

I'm sorry for the formatting change. After copying from facebook TB is not letting my un-bold and resize.

Re: I HATE facebook. Rant with advice needed.

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