nature versus nurture?

missyishere · October 2012

I'm no sociology/psych major, but I've always been fascinated by this topic. It seems to be even more relevant now that I'm a mother. I can see the obvious nature differences in her being a girl versus my friends with boys. I see too often parents only encouraging their children to like gender specific toys, like boys playing with cars and not dolls. I hope to balance this out for Nora, but my friends will say to their kids "daddy wouldn't be happy if you played with that doll!" I guess this is kind of a judgment rant, but it drives me nuts that parents say this stuff out loud to their kids, when obviously the doll was making your child happy.

sharksfan · October 2012

I went out the other day to buy R some new straw cups, and they only had pink and purple ones in the store. I wasn't in the mood to drive all over town looking for "boy" colored ones, so I got two pink ones and one purple. My MIL told me "Oh no, I'll go find him the right ones so he doesn't have to use these." Is it going to damage the boy to drink from a pink cup? Um, no. get over it!

Elsa1984 · October 2012

I was told I always dress Gator like a boy....she was in a red Adidas track suit. I never got the "red is a boys color" memo. She wears boys jammies to bed because I hate that it's such a paint to find dark colored pajamas for girls...and wearing pastel's while crawling ruins them in a short amount of time. It's hard to find black shoes am boots for girls that aren't frilly or covered in flowers or something of that nature so she has boy shoes. Her rocking horse is actually a rocking dinosaur. She likes Mickey and could care less about Daisy or Minnie. Her first doll we bought was a boy cabbage patch. Her two really girlie things....a tea set and a play toddler purse were gifts. We stick to lots of gender neutral things just so they can be used again if we have a boy. She even has a giant parking garage and cars she plays with.

If we had a boy I have no problem with him playing with dolls....I think it teaches them to be good fathers!

Elsa1984 · October 2012

And apparently I can't spell or type correctly with a wiggly baby on my lap

thetheisens · October 2012

I think both shape our children. I find nothing wrong in fostering all facets of a child's personality. My son likes car and trucks and dirt, but he also likes cuddling his stuff animals and playing with his kitchen. Teaching your child to be well rounded is better than teaching them to be a a girly girl or man's man.

LCass · October 2012

sharksfan:
I went out the other day to buy R some new straw cups, and they only had pink and purple ones in the store. I wasn't in the mood to drive all over town looking for "boy" colored ones, so I got two pink ones and one purple. My MIL told me "Oh no, I'll go find him the right ones so he doesn't have to use these." Is it going to damage the boy to drink from a pink cup? Um, no. get over it!

I would absolutely keep using the pink and purple ones. This is one of my biggest pet peeves related to children and parenting. I will put Lily in any colour and try not to have too much pink, but it's practically all you can find for girls! And if she has a little brother in future, you can bet he'll be wearing some of her pink hand-me-downs (I will draw the line at dresses, though Wink ) and DH knows it and is okay with it. I think it's atrocious that places like TRU have sections of "boy toys" and sections of "girl toys" essentially telling a child there is something "wrong" with them if they're a girl who likes trucks and tools or a boy who likes dolls and tea sets. I also am not a fan of the "girl versions" of toys, like the traditional stacking rings and then the pink set for girls. Confused Heck, half the beauty of that toy is that they can use it to learn their colours!

I was kind of relieved the other day when the only pair of size 4 boots at WalMart was black with blue trim instead of the hot pink ones I'd seen at a different WalMart while visiting my parents. Lily will wear her "boy" boots with pride this winter!

cantalopes24 · October 2012

I believe both play equal parts. Lo has all kinds of boys toys from E but she will go for the baby fill or Mega Blok unicorn 99 of the time. Even the way she plays is different. She likes to cuddle her toys, pretend to feed her baby dolls and put them to bed. If she picks up a train or car she'll hug it vs. E who would and still does crash them. She about falls out of the cart at Target the second she sees Minnie Mouse or the Princesses.

pennysuedog · October 2012

This is funny...

At the end of our hall on the right is Audrey's room and right across the hall is Oliver's room. Both are full of gender aligned toys and decorated brightly. Violet will sneak away down to the end of the hall and sit there trying to figure out who's room to go in and destroy. 9/10 times she goes into Audrey's room and starts playing with the Barbie dolls. Oliver still has all his action figures and little cars in his room so I tend to believe it is more nature.

Violet will go into Oliver's room every time if he is playing the tuba!

colliebabe · October 2012

On the lines of only buying gender specific toys, I think it is weird when parents won't buy boys strollers, kitchens and dolls. I mean, my husband does more cooking than I do and pushes DD in the stroller, so it seems natural for a boy to have those things!

DD does have a higher percentage of "girly" toys because that is what she has received as gifts, but she also has trucks and cars too.

PurpleDrewbie5 · October 2012

I think there are definitely people out there that make a BIG deal about it. I think it's dumb to buy gender specific toys for a child of the opposite gender. (For instance buy a little boy a barbie doll). BUT I don't think it's an issue to let a little boy play with his sister's dolls or a little girl play with the boys remote control car etc. H said growing up he had to play tea party with his sister before she would play legos with him. (I don't think legos are gender specific, that was just always his choice).

Also, what an irresponsible mom to say "daddy wouldn't be happy if you played with that doll." So the mom doesn't care but the dad does and the mom is making the dad the bad guy...let the boy play with the doll...sheesh.

missyishere · October 2012

thetheisens:
I think both shape our children. I find nothing wrong in fostering all facets of a child's personality. My son likes car and trucks and dirt, but he also likes cuddling his stuff animals and playing with his kitchen. Teaching your child to be well rounded is better than teaching them to be a a girly girl or man's man.

I definitely think there's a balance. My SD is a very girly girl, yet she loves sports she even participated in flag football this season. I take issue with purposely taking specific things away from your child because it's not a boy/girl toy. I also see this partly at fault of retailers who separate gender toys.

pennysuedog · October 2012

Oliver used to breast feed his Baby Elmo, just throwing that out there.

missyishere · October 2012

pennysuedog:
Oliver used to breast feed his Baby Elmo, just throwing that out there.

Love this!

Fianschneid · October 2012

DD received a lot of girl specific items (even though I registered for neutral) at my baby showers. Since she was born, though, she receives all kinds of toys and clothing. She has a few pink things but I buy her clothes and toys from the "boys" section frequently, too.

I'm currently reading Cinderella Ate My Daughter, which is about the marketing aspect behind all of the pink, princesses and "girl" toys. I'm not very far in but it's worth picking up, if you're interested in the topic.

LCass · October 2012

Fianschneid:
I'm currently reading Cinderella Ate My Daughter, which is about the marketing aspect behind all of the pink, princesses and "girl" toys. I'm not very far in but it's worth picking up, if you're interested in the topic.

I'm gonna have to look into that! There was also a great video clip I saw a while ago (probably on YouTube) of a little girl talking about how the stores are trying to trick girls into only wanting pink, etc. It was fantastic. I'll see if I can find it again.

cantalopes24 · October 2012

I

LCass:
Fianschneid:
I'm currently reading Cinderella Ate My Daughter, which is about the marketing aspect behind all of the pink, princesses and "girl" toys. I'm not very far in but it's worth picking up, if you're interested in the topic.
I'm gonna have to look into that!  There was also a great video clip I saw a while ago (probably on YouTube) of a little girl talking about how the stores are trying to trick girls into only wanting pink, etc.  It was fantastic.  I'll see if I can find it again.

I haven't read the book but I've seen articles that quote it and they rubbed me the wrong way. I get not wanting your daughter to have unrealistic expectations and letting them choose what they like but the articles were basically saying that you should do everything you can to keep your daughters away from anything pink or princess or you've failed them. To me that is just as ridiculous as not letting them play with "boys" toys.

Fianschneid · October 2012

cantalopes24:
I
LCass:
Fianschneid:

I'm currently reading Cinderella Ate My Daughter, which is about the marketing aspect behind all of the pink, princesses and "girl" toys. I'm not very far in but it's worth picking up, if you're interested in the topic.

I'm gonna have to look into that! There was also a great video clip I saw a while ago (probably on YouTube) of a little girl talking about how the stores are trying to trick girls into only wanting pink, etc. It was fantastic. I'll see if I can find it again.

I haven't read the book but I've seen articles that quote it and they rubbed me the wrong way. I get not wanting your daughter to have unrealistic expectations and letting them choose what they like but the articles were basically saying that you should do everything you can to keep your daughters away from anything pink or princess or you've failed them. To me that is just as ridiculous as not letting them play with "boys" toys.

I haven't gotten that impression, yet, but again I'm not too far into it. So far, it is mostly examining if girls naturally gravitate to those things or if they have been programmed to like them.

I feel like DD can play with whatever she likes. She loves her building blocks and her baby stroller but if we put a doll in the stroller, she tosses it out right away. Just like with her diet, I like to offer her a little bit of everything and see what she likes best.

cantalopes24 · October 2012

I don't think the book is that extreme, the articles were just using quotes to back their point. They just made me not want to read it.

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