What say ye, minds of the 212... re: hand swatting

lancyjo · October 2012

So in my bored-ness I was perusing the AP board. One lady was concerned about family members disciplining her child, because they're traditional and prone to "hand swatting".

Whoa. Hand swatting? Now, I'm all for a calm, explained spank on the bum when (hubs or I deem it) necessary, but swatting my child's hands? That I'm not so cool with. That doesn't give us the chance to say, "honey, this is what you did and this is why you're getting disciplined" like we would if spanking.

I guess the hand swatting thing just seems so much more like a knee-jerk reaction, and I don't like knee-jerk discipline. Hand swatting won't be making an appearance on our discipline repertiore.

What say ye about hand swatting, minds of the 212?

Bella61811 · October 2012

I don't like it. I agree with you on that it's like a knee jerk reaction. Sadly I can see my MIL doing this someday. God help her if she does lol.

preggersINschool25 · October 2012

Hand swatting is a necessity in certain situations - reaching for outlet, reaching for hot stove, etc...

kittyh8r · October 2012

Yeah, God help the person who decided that it's okay to swat Em's hand. Spanking is a personal thing that if you choose to spank, it should be done by the parents. I could see my SIL, who runs a DC at her house, swatting Emma's hand. We don't trust her to watch Em though anyways, so no worries there.

I don't think we will be swatting any hands in our home.

btartaroind · October 2012

preggersINschool25:
Hand swatting is a necessity in certain situations - reaching for outlet, reaching for hot stove, etc...

My initial thought is this, but then I thought why not grab the hand and pull it away and say" No! You can't touch that because...." I won't do any kind of swatting at all. I was thinking possibly a spanking on the bum if an extreme circumstance arises, but I probably won't.

lancyjo · October 2012

preggersINschool25:
Hand swatting is a necessity in certain situations - reaching for outlet, reaching for hot stove, etc...

For me, I think that I would just pull Aria away and say "no!" before I ever swatted her hands. At least, that's what I've been doing so far.

I should also add that hubs and I feel strongly that we are the only ones who should ever discipline Aria with things like spanking. (so I guess hand swatting would fall in this catagory.) Heaven help the person who feels it's their place to swat my child on any part of her body.

jldubb0626 · October 2012

Eh, I'm on the fence. I have a friend who is constantly smacking her DD's hands and butt when she does something wrong, and I think that's bad. She has no reason to smack her all the time and it's completely counterproductive since her DD always ends up smacking her mom back. But, a rare, last resort, smack on the hand in a situation like preggers mentioned, I don't see the harm in it.

ETA: We would be the only ones to discipline our children as well.

Mar5195 · October 2012

preggersINschool25:
Hand swatting is a necessity in certain situations - reaching for outlet, reaching for hot stove, etc...

All of this. If my son gets his hand swat he's going know right then and there it's not something he needs to touch.

jmccall79 · October 2012

Here's my 2 cents, or how I would go about this. I'd tell LO no and redirect, with something like grabbing cords or something along those lines. If he were to keep going back to it, I'd maybe take his hand, swat it, and say no and redirect again. This is a form of "spanking" in my mind, but wouldn't necessarily warrant a full on spanking.

Lena122 · October 2012

I think I agree that hand swatting is acceptable if it's an immediate safety issue although it is probably only something I would do after repeated attempts to keep him away. If I keep telling him not to reach for the stove and he keeps doing it 4, 5, 6 times then he might get a hand swat.

I would NOT be okay with anyone else but DH spanking or swatting him.

KatelynEA90 · October 2012

preggersINschool25:
Hand swatting is a necessity in certain situations reaching for outlet, reaching for hot stove, etc...

I agree with this. I also agree that it should not be done constantly. I don't do it very hard.

KatelynEA90 · October 2012

preggersINschool25:
Hand swatting is a necessity in certain situations reaching for outlet, reaching for hot stove, etc...

I agree with this. I also agree that it should not be done constantly. I don't do it very hard.

firecracker8 · October 2012

I guess you could say that I have swatted Ryan's hand.... He likes to try and pull the outlet covers off, I go over, hold his hand and give it a gentle pat and sit him down on the floor. It's not like the quick reach over and swat his hand. I would not call it a swat or a smack at all, but just a little pat that couldn't hurt in the least bit. It's really only when he goes after outlets, that's one thing that I will not let him even try to play with. It clearly doesn't hurt him because he usually goes back for the outlet and looks at me and laughs....

Shmogan09 · October 2012

lancyjo:

For me, I think that I would just pull Aria away and say "no!" before I ever swatted her hands. At least, that's what I've been doing so far.

This! It is funny to me that so many people are against saying "no" but hand swatting is okay? I like to think that kids are a little bit like puppies (okay hear me out!) If everytime they do something dangerous you snap "NO" and it startles them a little it is like adverse reaction training. A baby is going to avoid any negative feeling, hearing your stern voice is just as startling for them as being swatted so why use physical pain when it really is not needed?

Jen0204 · October 2012

lancyjo:
preggersINschool25:
Hand swatting is a necessity in certain situations - reaching for outlet, reaching for hot stove, etc...

For me, I think that I would just pull Aria away and say "no!" before I ever swatted her hands. At least, that's what I've been doing so far.

I should also add that hubs and I feel strongly that we are the only ones who should ever discipline Aria with things like spanking. (so I guess hand swatting would fall in this catagory.) Heaven help the person who feels it's their place to swat my child on any part of her body.

I agree with this. My sister swats my nephew's hand when he does things she doesn't want him to do and I don't like it. My mom also does it (sister, BIL, and nephew live with my parents) and I REALLY don't like that. I've never seen my mom do it with the girls and if I do she'll be told I'm not okay with that. If the girls are with her and misbehaving to the point that she feels she needs to physically discipline them then I can just go pick them up.

sparks2987 · October 2012

I dont like the idea of someone else punishing Emily beyond telling her not to do something, if someone tells her not to do something, she better listen regardless if it is me, her dad, MIL, my mom, SIL, any adult. If she doesnt listen then it will be up to me or DH to take action at that point. Of cource I will not be that parent that sits back while other adults tells my child not to do something.

Back to the original post, I think hand swatting is a form of spanking, I dont see why you would be against it but not against spanking. Like always it has to be done in an appropriate manner and the line between abuse and parenting is always there.

I have after telling Emily not to grab mommys glasses off her face over and over, then pulled her hand away and said NO, dont touch mom's glasses...she did it again and I swatted her hand, told her no again and put her out of reach of my face, Not hard enough to even make her whine but she hasnt done it again. This I am okay with.

heymommy · October 2012

I don't see myself doing this. Mabe only if redirecting or moving away from the issue ( dangerous object) is not possible?? Maybe after telling her no and many times getting an evil laugh in return then maybe a swat on the hand.

But really, I don't see it happening.

MrsLindinger0905 · October 2012

jmccall79:
Here's my 2 cents, or how I would go about this. I'd tell LO no and redirect, with something like grabbing cords or something along those lines. If he were to keep going back to it, I'd maybe take his hand, swat it, and say no and redirect again. This is a form of "spanking" in my mind, but wouldn't necessarily warrant a full on spanking.

I agree with this. My first reaction would be saying no and redirecting, butif she goes after it again I might give her a pat on the hand. Especially if its something that could be dangerous or hurt her, like a power cord. I don't plan on using that form of discipline for quite a while though.

lancyjo · October 2012

sparks2987:

Back to the original post, I think hand swatting is a form of spanking, I dont see why you would be against it but not against spanking. Like always it has to be done in an appropriate manner and the line between abuse and parenting is always there.

To me, swatting =/= spanking. If I were to spank Aria, it'd be after I sent her to her room for a little bit, then went in and explained to her why she was getting a spanking. I see swatting her hands as one of those knee-jerk "in the moment" actions.

I'm not judging anyone either way, everyone parents differently. I highly doubt that anyone here is doing anything that would negatively impact their kids... swatting just isn't for us.

womanwifemother82 · October 2012

jmccall79:
Here's my 2 cents, or how I would go about this. I'd tell LO no and redirect, with something like grabbing cords or something along those lines. If he were to keep going back to it, I'd maybe take his hand, swat it, and say no and redirect again. This is a form of "spanking" in my mind, but wouldn't necessarily warrant a full on spanking.

This exactly.

Also, anyone who I trust enough to watch my child on a regular basis has the authority to discipline my child. (SN: we do believe in spanking in certain instances) If I don't trust their judgment enough to know when to say no, when to use a firm voice, when to use time out, when to tap a hand, or when to spank. Then I don't trust their judgment enough to watch my child.

KatelynEA90 · October 2012

womanwifemother82:
jmccall79:
Here's my 2 cents, or how I would go about this. I'd tell LO no and redirect, with something like grabbing cords or something along those lines. If he were to keep going back to it, I'd maybe take his hand, swat it, and say no and redirect again. This is a form of "spanking" in my mind, but wouldn't necessarily warrant a full on spanking.

This exactly.
Also, anyone who I trust enough to watch my child on a regular basis has the authority to discipline my child. (SN: we do believe in spanking in certain instances) If I don't trust their judgment enough to know when to say no, when to use a firm voice, when to use time out, when to tap a hand, or when to spank. Then I don't trust their judgment enough to watch my child.

This! I will let others discipline my child. She needs to learn to listen to other people than just Mommy and Daddy. She needs to learn that not listening to others will have consequences too. I know how my family disciplines and I trust them to discipline my child appropriately. I feel that spanking should only be done by parents or really close family members.

MollySm · October 2012

womanwifemother82:
jmccall79:
Here's my 2 cents, or how I would go about this. I'd tell LO no and redirect, with something like grabbing cords or something along those lines. If he were to keep going back to it, I'd maybe take his hand, swat it, and say no and redirect again. This is a form of "spanking" in my mind, but wouldn't necessarily warrant a full on spanking.
 
This exactly.  
Also, anyone who I trust enough to watch my child on a regular basis has the authority to discipline my child.  (SN: we do believe in spanking in certain instances) If I don't trust their judgment enough to know when to say no, when to use a firm voice, when to use time out, when to tap a hand, or when to spank.  Then I don't trust their judgment enough to watch my child.   

We won't swat or spank but I totally agree with the rest of this. I would want anyone I trust watching Lucia to use the same discipline plan I use. Consistency gets much better results, and I wouldn't have them watching her if I didn't trust them to discipline her.

JessieJH · October 2012

It's not something we'll do in our home and I'd be seriously pissed if anyone swatted my kid. Luckily I can't imagine anyone that would do it. We're going to try other methods of discipline and will hope that we can hold it together enough to avoid swatting, spanking- etc. I used to work in a pre-school and there was just never a need to resort to that sort of thing. We always had other ways to coach or discipline kids. Really recommend checking out Love and Logic if you have time to read something these days- it has great tips on discipline.

jmccall79 · October 2012

I am not flaming anyone...we all have our own parenting style...we'll do what works for each of us individually, and I'm ok with that. I know people who spank and those that don't and they both work for each family. But, I hope we're all around in a year or so...and we'll do a poll to see who was anti-spanking/swatting, or all for spanking/swatting and see how much our points of view change when we have toddlers on our hands, lol. It'll be interesting to see how much things will change come this time next year.

pennyandandy · October 2012

btartaroind:

preggersINschool25:
Hand swatting is a necessity in certain situations - reaching for outlet, reaching for hot stove, etc...

My initial thought is this, but then I thought why not grab the hand and pull it away and say" No! You can't touch that because...." I won't do any kind of swatting at all. I was thinking possibly a spanking on the bum if an extreme circumstance arises, but I probably won't.

This is what I was thinking. In fact, this is kind of what I have done already with outlets, the cat...

sunnyday016 · October 2012

If it's a safety issue and redirection isn't working, then yes, I'd swat a hand. I'd use it as a last resort though, and I'd make sure he was old enough to understand that I wasn't just swatting his hand for the fun of it (so have him be about 18m at least).

heymommy · October 2012

jmccall79:
I am not flaming anyone...we all have our own parenting style...we'll do what works for each of us individually, and I'm ok with that. I know people who spank and those that don't and they both work for each family. But, I hope we're all around in a year or so...and we'll do a poll to see who was anti-spanking/swatting, or all for spanking/swatting and see how much our points of view change when we have toddlers on our hands, lol. It'll be interesting to see how much things will change come this time next year.

I have thought about this too.

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