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NBR: Do you threaten divorce

hewinkedhewinked
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months

in an argument with DH just to get your point REALLY across even if you have no real intentions of getting divorced?

I know that's really passive aggressive but just curious if you personally throw that word around casually when you're pissed at DH.  I was married before, and I know divorce was said a lot as a threat before it actually happened.  And I always said I would never do that again in my next marriage, and I've stuck to that.  But I have had it up to here with DH with the same two arguments.  I've cried, we've had blown out fights, I've tried to talk to him calmly.  I don't know what else to say or do to make him understand how upset these particular issues make me.

I'm not really looking for advice or to hear that we need counseling.  I'm just venting. 

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Re: NBR: Do you threaten divorce

  • PAGASPAGAS member

    I have never threatened divorce, nor has DH.  I can only imagine how hurtful it would be to hear or say.

    I am sorry you are going through problems right now, I hope it gets better soon.

    Finley Anne ~ 11.9.2008
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  • Mrs.McLovinMrs.McLovin member

    We never have. GL to you.

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  • Crystal&Jason MurphyCrystal&Jason Murphy
    I get so mad and angry with DH that I think it in my head but I never come right out and say the words ... because I know it's my "emotions" getting the best of me with everything that "we" as women have to deal with. I try to keep myself grounded and semi sane and then just call my gf's and b!tch and complain to them about what "we" are going though and that seems to help!

    GOOD LUCK
    CM
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  • DMD3443DMD3443
    Um no I don't threaten divorce. That's a serious thing to say if you don't mean it.
    .
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  • Megsd721Megsd721
    No, we do not say that. We always remind each other that this is a life commitment, even when we are driving each other crazy. Hopefully you two can rationally talk about the problems you are going through, and remember why you chose to get married. Hope it gets better.
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  • babyluv617babyluv617 member
    We have never in any of our fights. I'm sorry you're going through this. Sometimes, I find it really hard to get my point across to DH as well. I usually vent to someone else when he won't listen. Girlfriends are very helpful in these situations.
    Mama to D 6.16.08 and C 3.11.10
    Tales of the Wife


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  • J&A2008J&A2008 member
    Don't do it.  It ruins trust and causes resentment. How could you expect to have a reasonable conversation after you make a threat like that?
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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  • JessMil10JessMil10
    NEVER! That would be so hurtful. DH and I made a commitment for better or for worse and we are in it for the long haul, we both agree. Things are not always pretty and we are going to fight and have it out sometimes, but there a good times too :)
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  • RoRed5RoRed5
    I never threaten divorce, but I used to say things like 'if we are going to make this marriage work...'  but that was when DH was shutting me out.  He doesn't do that anymore.  He had a life-altering accident in Jan and I think we both see life differently now.
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  • Amy SchrammAmy Schramm
    We don't. ?DH's parents are divorced and it would hit a real nerve with him. ?
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  • *Bre**Bre* member
    Nope. But I'm divorced, and not remarried. You can't divorce your boyfriend. Good luck.
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  • hewinkedhewinked
    Thanks girls.  I know I shouldn't threaten it.  I know how hurtful it can be because I've been there before.  I'm just so upset right now with DH and other things.  I'm glad I got some of it out here before I went down that road with him. 
    imageimageimage
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  • lanie26lanie26 member

    Never.

    I can't imagine doing that.

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  • ~CoCo~~CoCo~
    I threatened divorce once, and I meant it. In retrospect, it wasn't my finest moment, but I meant it and he knew it. I started typing the b/g to the story, but it's too long. Bottom line is that DH understood I wasn't joking or talking shiit, and he addressed the problem. That was three years ago, and neither of us has used the word since. 
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  • littleittybittylittleittybitty member

    To me that's like saying "I hate you". I would only threaten divorce if I knew deep down that that would be the only option.

    Sorry you are going through a tough time right now. 

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  • LittleMamaBLittleMamaB
    No. Never. He can tell when I'm serious.
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  • KittenGatorKittenGator member

    DH threatens it at times and I hate it, a lot. He doesn't see how damaging it is. He rarely does it, but I think it should NEVER be done unless you're on your way to getting the papers.

    GL with your situation. I hope things improve.?

    image DD and I. DD: 6/22/2008. DS: 6/22/2013
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  • faBriezyfaBriezy member
    We do every so often when were fighting. Its awful, we both hate it and we are in couples therapy to try to fix things and fight better. I hope things improve with you guys.
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  • crackerjackprintercrackerjackprinter
    Nope.  IMO it's not helpful.  GL!
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  • rowanthefrogrowanthefrog member

    No.  And if DH ever said that I would be devastated.  I'm sorry you are having a rough time in a few aspects of your marriage, but threatening something that serious, especially just to get a point across, is simply not the way to solve the problem.


    A

    imageimageimage

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    M/c #1 - 10/30/07 - 5w3d, DS1 - born at 36w, M/c#2 - 12/7/09 - 5w, M/c #3 - 1/13/10 - 4w6d, 
    M/c #4 - 3/16/10 - 5w1d, DS2 -  born via VBAC at 40w3d, M/c#5 - 11/5/12 - 7w2d
    BFP #8 - 5/5/13- Looks like a sticky one! DS3 - born via epi-free VBAC at 39w1d

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  • kate081206kate081206
    I definitely have made the mistake of doing that.  I stress the word MISTAKE.  I felt so awful afterwards and guilty.  Don't say it unless you mean it.
    Nathan Thomas, C-section (frank breech), September 22, 2008 Maren Anne, VBAC, April 6, 2010 Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
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  • samfish2bcrabsamfish2bcrab

    Absolutely not.  We don't fight to that degree in the first place.   We may have raised our voices 3, perhaps 4 times in the past 4 years.

    I think you need to find new ways of comunicating with each other. 

    image
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  • skoorbniborskoorbnibor member

    never. I think it is a bit of an insult and also makes one feel as if there is not need to work it out, we'll just get divorced.

    I am sorry you're having issues, vent away

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  • HisWifeHerMomHisWifeHerMom
    I can't lie. I have said it twice to DH in arguments where he had me so mad that (at the time) I told myself that I couldn't deal with him anymore. Now, let it be known, my DH does things alot of men do: take me for granted, acts selfish at times, etc. Other than that, he is a wonderful man. But, nothing deserves throwing divorce in someone's face just because you are mad. After I did so, DH was very upset and for a while really thought I would end up leaving him one day. Those were not my finest moments and I vowed never to do it again. I would be absolutely miserable without DH.
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