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Attachment Parenting
monalua
member
Toddlers & too much TV...
monalua
member
Just looking for some advice/input...
My son is 2.5 years old. I stay home with him and love it, however, it gets challenging. He's not very good at playing independently or "entertaining" himself. He wants me doing everything with him all the time. He also has a very short attention span. I've tried my hardest to work with him on independent play, but haven't had much success.
I'm currently pregnant and had horrible morning sickness the first trimester. I started letting him watch TV because I didn't know how else to cope (he didn't watch any TV until he turned 2). It helped a lot and now that I'm feeling better, I still find myself using the TV as a "babysitter." I let him watch while I make dinner, take a shower, do a little cleaning, etc. I've been feeling very guilty about this and keep wishing he'd get more into independent play so I could get a few things done. If I set out books, toys, puzzles, etc. while I take a shower, he still just cries for me to get out the entire time, etc. He sometimes won't nap, which makes for a very long day of playing together. I've tried numerous times to have him do "quiet time" in his room. He'll do it for about 5 minutes and then will cry and cry until I come get him out.
I had a neighbor babysit him for a couple of hours today. She loves him and has been asking to sit for him for a while. I sent him over with several new toys - a play dough kitchen set, puzzles, magnetic blocks, etc. When I picked him up she said it went great. However, she also mentioned that he really "kept her on her toes," that he was "jumping from one toy to another" and that he got a little restless so she put on a movie for about 30 minutes. We hadn't talked about TV or anything so it was ok, but I was a little annoyed that she only watched him for 2 hours and had to put on a show. She also said she needs to get used to all the energy that comes with a little boy. She regularly sits for twin girls in our neighborhood and I know they are much more low-key than my son, she's told me they sit for hours and play with their dollhouse by themselves, etc. It just sort of made me feel bad for some reason. She said she can't wait for him to come over again and watch a movie. I told her I'd call her. I'll have to talk to her about TV before I have her sit for him again.
When people babysit for your toddler, do they watch TV? Is this normal?
If you stay at home and don't have a lot of help, do you let you toddler watch TV? How much?
How did you get your toddler more comfortable with independent play?!!
I don't think TV is worst thing in the world, I'm just not a big TV person myself and don't want my son to watch too much. So, I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but any input would be appreciated. 
Sorry this was so long!! Also posted on the SAHM board.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Toddlers & too much TV...
I'm a SAHM with 2 girls, and I got into the habit of using DVDs for DD1 to watch. But then she got really naggy and whiney if I tried to turn them off. So I got rid of them. I couldn't be bothered with the nagging.
Now there are set TV programmes that I'm ok with her watching. It's about 30mins in the morning, and around 40mins in the afternoon. If we're out and we miss them, oh well. She doesn't always sit and watch them the whole time.
She's very good at independent play. And I don't think I've really done anything to make her that way. I encourage her to help me with tasks around the house, and I play with her a lot.
I don't interrupt her when she is engaged in something, so that I don't break her concentration, and that's been my rule since she was a baby.
My parents might put the TV on for DD1, but I absolutely trust their programme selection is what I would approve of, and that it wouldn't be all day. They mostly only do it if the weather's really bad, or when I first drop LO off and they're still having breakfast. But mostly they have her do things in the garden with them.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
My son just turned 3 and we've been dealing with similar tv issues in the last year. In the last 6 months - with the exception of when I too was in first trimester nausea/fatigue hell - he hasn't watched that much tv and is playing very well independently.
Here are a few things we did:
We don't have cable so when he asks to watch tv is is usually one of three shows that he knows that are on Netflix. I do still allow him a few episodes of Thomas the Train (10 mins each) if he doesn't want to engage in what I am doing.
He gets a bit of tv time 2-3 times a week.
Babysitters: we usually only have babysitters in the evening and we try not to have the tv on after dinner. DS goes to bed around 7 so usually the babysitter is playing with him/supervising him play for 30 mins at most before she starts the bed time routine.
Other piece of advice: go easy on yourself in the first trimester. I felt really bad that we were spending afternoons inside because I was so sick but it eventually passed and we got back to a lot less tv.
Good luck!
PS. Great article here on a mom that took all the toys and screens away for a week. Result: better independent play for her kids.
Have you tried playing with him for 10-15 minutes, and then telling him you'll be right back, and going off to do your own thing? It might work better than to expect him to start playing something independently right away. Not to sound mean, but does he have enough variety of toys? Do you take him outside to run around every day? Can he play in the yard? Can he take a shower with you?
My kids are independent players, but I think that's just their personalities. I definitely subscribe to the "lazy parenting" model of letting them play whatever while I try to do other things around the house. It's a lot easier now that there are two of them, and DS2 is old enough to play with DS1.
As for TV, they probably watch an hour a week (less for DS2, as DS1 sometimes gets to watch TV while DS2 is napping). We do try to limit it, though I will admit they got to watch "Dinosaur Train" the last twenty minutes before dinner last night, ha ha.
I had to ask our babysitter to not let DS2 watch anything (I could see she was using our Netflix while he was supposed to be napping).
It also might be easier to "wean" him off of it, start cutting back every day. Just remember he's still little, and really can't be expected to play with one thing for long periods of time. hth!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I work full time, but I'm on my own most evenings because of my husband's work schedule. I allow DD to watch a combined 30 min of TV during that time while I make dinner, get things together for bedtime/bath, or throw a load of laundry in. Now that I'm dealing with 1st tri exhaustion, sometimes I'll just sit and watch a show with her. With her, I would almost say independent play used to be better. Right now she's really into play-doh and coloring, and she wants me to help her take the lids on and off, make balls and snakes, write different names, etc.
My IL's provide childcare for us 1-2x a week, and I have asked them to limit her TV time to 30min a day. They are the type of people who have the TV on 24/7, and I'm not super excited about that, but they take good care of her for free, so I don't feel like I can complain too much. A couple weeks ago DH and I dropped her off at their house for an hour so we could go out to dinner alone, and when we got back she was watching TV. That annoyed me, and I had DH remind them not to let her watch much TV after that incident. My mom also keeps her once a week, and she doesn't watch TV with her.