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October 2012 Moms
In law update... major vent
I haven't even been able to tell you all my birth story because my inlaws and my sister in law have been at my house since the day I got home from the hospitAL.
They have stayed at my mother's house for the last two nights but will stay with us - on our living room couches - until Wednesday. I am dying. I am exhausted. I am bleeding. My 2nd degree tear hurts like a beeyotch. I'm trying to learn how to BF. The baby is constantly overstimulated and cries every time they coo at him and put their hands in his face. The TV is always on. LOUD. My MIL is always telling me to go to my room to take a nap - despite the fact that I told her that I nap on my couch. thakn you very much.
I'm trying to BF and my milk just won't come in, so the baby is crying most of the time and the doctor says I need to relax so that it'll come down. But i can't relax. There are people all over my condo. I can't sit on my own couch. I can't take a nap bc if I do, they'll give the baby formula. (to be clear, doc said to BF first and then supplement with formula until my milk fully comes in. Right now it's still colostrum and the baby is dehydrated due to an infection -- more on that when I'm able to sit down and write his birth story)
I'm just frustrated and can't wait for them to leave. DH goes back to work tomorrow and they'll be here, staring at me, ALL DAY LONG. and if this hurricane gets any worse, they'll be here EVEN LONGER.
The only time I got to spend with just my baby were the 48 hours in the hospital. the ILs were here the minute I got home from the hospital, swooping in to do ABSOLUTELY NTHING.
My house is clean. It's always clean. I don't need anyone to clean my house. My kitchen used to have food, but they've eaten it all. They don't go shopping for more food. They don't clean the bathroom and the bathroom is filthy. DH is exhausted from driving them here and there and from going to the grocery store to buy more food. oh yeah, and I'm on unpaid leave, so the money we set aside for the mortgage is literally begin EATEN by my guests who don't seen to understand that spending $50 a day on MORE FOOD is taxing to our budget. And, all my freezer meals? gone. they ate them.
I'm just beyond everything right now.
Just beyond.
The only golden light in this is my baby. He's perfect. I can't wait to get to know him once they leave.
Thanks for listening.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: In law update... major vent
Currently going through our second deployment. Can't wait for Zoe to meet her daddy!
I have been keeping up with your updates, and this sounds like hell. Honestly, your DH needs to kick them out. Otherwise you are just letting this sort of behavior fester and become the norm for the rest of your kid's life. It may be uncomfortable, but I would just do it and get it over with. I've had to be in situations like this with my family. It sucks, but things are way better now that they know they cannot trample my boundaries. In this sort of stressful situation, it is no wonder your milk isnt coming in.
GL and only you can make the best choice for you - I hope it works out and you find some peace - hugs mama.
This made me smile for the first time today. thanks for that.
DH is between a rock and a hard place. his parents mean well, but they're not helping. I don't want this to turn into a "you don't like my parents" argument, bc thats not what it is. Weve been trying for weeks to get them to change, to no avail. I thought I'd convinced myself to be able to handle the short visit. Only 10 days, right? I was wrong. I am very close to booking them at a local hotel and telling DH to drop them off there. but going that route will create serious tension between us.
Dude, there is already serious tension. have some tension between you and him, and be sane, or lose your mind because everyone in the house is abusing your hospitality.
This.
Your house, your rules. I don't think there needs to be any other explanation besides that.
Ditto. This is affecting the well being of you and your child. The fact that even your doctor is saying you need less stress for your milk to come in is hugely important. Listen to your doctor and kick them out. This is ridiculous
If you won't kick them out at least hand them a bucket of cleaning supplies and tell them to clean the bathroom or hand them a grocery list and tell them to go shopping. Assertiveness. You and your DH need to find it for the good of your child... and fast
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Hugs
Double this times infinity! Get them out of your house!
I'm lurking from September out of boredom.......
I had major, major visitor issues for the first 4.5 weeks. I had a total meltdown at 4w and DH decided to take me seriously. I'm not assertive. His family was over constantly, as well as other visitors. A few visitors stayed for over 5 hours. 5 HOURS!!!!!!! We had more dinner guests during that month than I've had in five years! And all were self-fukking-invited!!!!!! Unbelievable!
Everyone thought they were helping. "I'll watch her so you can take a shower or nap." Well, my baby slept well her first few weeks so I didn't need that help! I needed to not have to clean my house for company, and not have to entertain some lazy a$$ camped out on my sofa! It's hard enough remembering to eat those first few weeks, and visitors really screwed up my entire schedule.
Since I'm not assertive, I had to have a breakdown. So, have a breakdown. Have DH tell everyone you're having a breakdown and that you need time alone. Here's why: what's going on now is not good for your baby. My breastfeeding was affected, my mental health, everything. I am so glad we got all of those f*kers to leave me alone for two damn weeks. My life is so much better now.
Oh, except for one thing. My final visitors left me with a fantastic gift. They were sick as hell and I didn't have the backbone to tell them to leave. They had the nerve to tell me to leave some windows open after they left - to air out the germs. We have been sick the last 2.5 weeks solid, and nothing makes you feel like a spineless failure of a mom more than hearing your poor baby gasp for air. I should have told those "friends" to leave. I haven't returned their phone calls since they visited. They can eat shiit.
Good luck
Can't believe they left you with sick germs. That majorly sucks a$$. It's crazy how they think they are helping but are totally clueless that they aren't doing a thing. Next time around, If I'm blessed to have another child, I will do this totally differently and have my fit at the FRONT END.
as for right now, earlier today I took my baby in the bedroom and locked the door, like you all suggested. I asked MIL to wash clothes, sheets and towels. ANd DH asked her to actually cook dinner. Granted it was with food WE bought, but at least food was prepared and dishes were washed. They've stopped touching the baby and stopped asking to hold him. I think they're getting that I'm upset. I stayed in my room for about 8 hours today. I told them he was overstimulated from all the visitors and needed alone time with mommy or else he would starve. doctor' orders.
today, after I came out of my cocoon, MIL told baby - at 9 p.m. - to "wake up! wake up for grandma." I told her, flatly, "no, he doesn't need to wake up. It's 9 and he needs to sleep bc it's night time." She was taken aback.Oh well.
But at least I'm down one visitor. SIL moved her flight up to beat the hurricane. So she left earlier today. That's one less person sleeping in my living room and asking my 7 day old baby - repeatedly - to "smile." (so annoying when people do that.)
Sidenote: The one thing that DH asked his sister to do - make a lasagna for the freezer - she just wouldn't do. WOULDN"T DO IT. Incredible.
all that to say, I really appreciate the advice and support through out this ordeal. It aint over yet, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can't quite kick them out, but I do have a plan forming for the next 3 days. Basically, they just won't see the baby. And if I have to forego a shower for the next 3 days to keep them away from him, so be it.
Most importantly, I actually expressed some milk tonight! Not a lot, but some. Looks like it's actually letting down in spite of everything.