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June 2013 Moms
Jveliov
member
How would you feel in my shoes? (long sorry!)
Jveliov
member
My husband has two older brothers (married) and I'd like to think the three of us wives are close.
Well last night at one of their houses, the two SIL's were off in the kitchen for quite a while (so excluding me.. and they tend to do this unfortunately) and I could slightly overhear some of their conversation. It sounds like SIL #2 (we'll call her #2 haha) is preganant! I'm of course happy for her because they have had fertility issues. However I know roughly when her period is and her schedule is roughly about 2 weeks apart from mine which mines shes either 2 weeks further along than me or 2 weeks later, my guess is 2 weeks further.
This is a little too close for comfort I guess you could say. SIL #1 already has 18month old twins as the first grandkids BTW. And if SIL #2 is 2 weeks apart from me I feel like my pregnancy will be a little overshone I guess you could say? It won't be as special. And it's already a little hard for me because my family lives in Vancouver so I don't have MY support system here (it will be my my familys first grandchild and great grandchild however). I'm left with my DHs family. And SIL #2 and her DH are very competitive stubborn people... I just wish it had been at least a couple months different. Now the pregnancy announcements will be the same time, the baby showers with a lot of the same people will be the same time, the birthdays will always be the same time...... *sigh* I hope I'm just emotional because of the horomones and it all goes okay.
But besides that, feeling a little bummed that SIL shares with one and not the other? Why am I left out of the equation?
My mom was a great support system when talking to her after this happened. She said perhaps this will be a great "sisterly" bonding experience and maybe just for me to feel "special" to announce/share with the family a little sooner than we had planned so I can at least feel "first" for that.
How would you girls feel with this situation? SORRYso long..... just need to share my mixed up feelings about this. Thanks in advance.
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Re: How would you feel in my shoes? (long sorry!)
I can totally understand how you feel. Its sometimes nice just to have your own moment and now you and your child have to share that with your ILs. Hopefully everything will go smoothly and the family will be super supportive with both of you and things won't be too weird. Just plan a better reveal. LOL
As far as her telling the other SIL and not you, maybe they are just a little closer because they click in some way you don't with them. I can see how that sucks though since there are just the 3 of you. It is possible that you will get closer with the pregnant one now and that's something to look forward to. And now that all 3 of you will have children, so maybe you will all have more in common.
Thank you for your reply. I'm feeling emotional, so I really appreciate the support.
And btw my mom basically said the sam as you about the reveal haha
This is a tough situation. First I wouldn't try to rush the announcement just to try and beat your sil. That just doesn't seem right to me. I would still make the announcement when you and your hubby had planned. It's not about who gets to announce first. I know it is hard because you want all the attention on you. But I agree with your mom. Perhaps you and your sil will bond more over being pregnant together. Try to think about fun it could be to have someone to share everything with instead of looking at it like a competition between you too. Especially if she has fertility issues this may be a really sensitive subject for her too. Perhaps she is very afraid to tell people till they feel safer in the pregnany and she choose just one person to tell for now. Try not to feel left out. I know it's hard. Hopefully soon you will be celebrating together.
TTC since 03/2011
BFP#1 spontaneous conception! 4/28/12 natural MC on 5/9/12
IUI#1 with clomid and trigger on 9/12/12
BFP#2 on 9/26/12 EDD 6/5/13
Beta #1 143 14dpo Beta #2 343 16dpo Beta #3 920 18dpo
Please, Please, Please stick baby!
Baby Mackenzie born 5/28/2013!
So no one else can be pregnant anywhere near the time you are? I think you're being a bit ridiculous to be honest. I also think rushing to announce to be "first" is immature.
I can understand being upset that she shared the news with one SIL but not the other though.
BFP #1: 6.26.12 EDD: 2.11.13 missed m/c: 7.31.12 @ 12 weeks
BFP #2: 10.1.12 EDD: 6.11.13 Born 6.13.13
That wasn't my point at all. It's just too bad the timing couldn't have been different so we could each have "our time" you know? It's never as special having to share almost the exact thing at the exact time. As I mentioned I'm thrilled that they are overcoming their fertility issues. But my point was... the pregnancy announcements will be the same time, the baby showers with a lot of the same people will be the same time, the birthdays will always be the same time...... it's only a weird situation when it's the same family, same pregnancy dates, same everything...
Thanks for your input and support sheacox and kaleyandjason.
I overheard SIL#2 saying to SIL#1 that food has been turning her right off and turning her stomach, and that she was waiting to tell anyone else for another few weeks, and her husband dmanded filtered water for his wife during dinner haha. I think that's pretty obvious. What else could it be?
I still think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill. My sister and I ended up getting married at the same time and have had all our babies around the same time. Also, our own birthdays are in the same month. It's really not a big deal and it never has been. DS shares a birthday with stepMIL, is 2 days after a cousin and a week before my mom. It's never been an issue. As long as YOU make YOUR child's birthday special, they aren't going to care how close their cousin's birthday is.
Besides, won't you have your own friends and family at your shower that SIL won't have at hers?
And I guess that's why it struck the emotional chord a bit because I've never experienced a situation like this the way that you have. So thank you for sharing your experiences. That's why I posted is to get other prospectives. I've been looking forever to having a baby all my life so this is the biggest event of my entire life. I just want every aspect of it to be perfect
Yeah, I'd get over that, LOL.
I get being excited over having a baby, I really do. We dealt with IF too and experienced several losses along the way. Even after all I've been through I would never pout because someone else was going to "steal my thunder."
I'm not trying to be mean, but if you let this get to you and get upset over it, it might show up in your actions and how you treat SIL and it would be horrible to alienate her over this. Your babies are going to have a built in playmate, especially since it sounds like you see each other often. That is going to be so special for them.
BFP #1: 6.26.12 EDD: 2.11.13 missed m/c: 7.31.12 @ 12 weeks
BFP #2: 10.1.12 EDD: 6.11.13 Born 6.13.13
I think on the flip side of having to share your special experience is getting to share your special experience. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but #2 and you will have an opportunity to really connect and bond over this (who knows, #1 may feel excluded). I was the only pregnant woman I knew when I was pregnant with DS and I'll be honest, it was lonely. I'm actually in the process of creating a pregnancy circle this time around so that I and other pregnant women in the area have an opportunity to bond and connect.
It's your special time, and don't worry, NOTHING can take that away from you. And when it comes to babies and the gift of new life I truly believe the more the merrier.
Maybe I'm an optimist, and I don't in any way want to take away from the very real emotions you are having about it. In fact, it's completely understandable. I just hope to pose a different perspective! I just think it's just AMAZING that you get to experience this with someone you know... you are very lucky! :-)
I found out a day before we got our BFP that my brother and his girlfriend got engaged. I didn't want to share news with everyone right away like we did the last time because I thought it would overshadow his time of celebration. I told them about a week later and they are very excited for us. By the time of their wedding, the baby will be 9 months to a full year old, so it's actually really good timing on both of our ends.
I think you need to look at things being half full instead of half empty.
Good luck! It will all work out. Think of how much fun the kids will have growing up because they are so close in age!
DS - 5/2010
DD - 6-2013
TTC #3 - Cycle #9
Thank you
I really like that
Thank you
Thank you I really like the spin you put on everything here
I'm glad I posted to get everyones input. That's what I needed since I don't have anyone who knows about my pregnancy except my parents and my sister yet. Thank you for taking the time out to give feedback
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Pregnancy doesn't entitle you to anything. It's not a spotlight, it's not an excuse for everyone to fawn over you and feel bad for you and make you feel special. I am always amazed at people who don't want to share their pregnancies with friends or loved ones; I just can't for the life of me understand it. It's your special time, between yourself and your husband, because you two have decided to start a family and you've gotten pregnant and that's amazing. Why would sharing your pregnancy with a relative make it any less special? I'd be beyond thrilled to have a loved one pregnant at the same time as me; I'm actually hoping that my brother and SIL get pregnant while I'm still pregnant, because I would love nothing more than to have a friend to commiserate with and a friend for my LO to be close in age to.
I think you need to take a hard look at your actions and feelings here. How do you think your SIL would feel if she found out that you felt this way after she has been struggling with infertility? That your primary thoughts were of how it sucks for you that you have to share the spotlight? If I were her, I'd probably never speak to you again. So, if the relationship means anything to you, don't ever let her find out you were anything but happy for her. And again, take a good look at yourself and how you're handling what should be incredibly wonderful news. Because I personally am pretty appalled that someone could feel this way about a relative. Good luck with your pregnancy and all.
The first thing that entered my mind was perhaps you could approach SIL #2 gently when you feel the time is right and share your news. If she truly is pregnant I'm guessing she will share her news right back. Once your happy news is out it is possible she will have the same worries you express above.
So......In order to start things off on the right foot, perhaps you could then talk openly about your pregnancies being so close together and what you both could do to ensure that each of your showers, announcements and so forth didn't step on the other's toes. Create a "team game plan" so to speak.
Another tip....remember that the way we "think" about things truly becomes our reality. I understand your worries but if you start to perceive your SIL's news in a more positive light instead of feeling threatened by it I have a feeling things will go smoother. "We are what we think" so try to keep those thoughts positive
Agreed with PP, maybe your reveal bigger and better
Make sure you reveal your pregnancy at the perfect time..maybe you'll have to wait a little longer than you wanted. Let everyone celebrate your SIL #2's pregnancy (which will be hard to watch) but once that has started to "die down", announce yours. Perhaps on Thanksgiving DAY!
Make it all about you.
I'm KIND OF in the same boat as you, my SIL is pregnancy and due the SAME day as me. It will be interesting to see how it plays out.
BFP #1 EDD 06.04.13
Beta #1: 20,560 @ 20DPO, Beta #2: 37,945 @ 22DPO
U/S #1: 4w6d - too early to see baby, U/S #2: 6w2d - we saw the heartbeat!
*So thankful to God for blessing us with this miracle*
Yeah that sucks. But your child could have an awesome friend. Maybe she will be two weeks late she'll be late but it might be better if you we're last. You'll steal her thunder
Thanks for your input. I like the "game plan"
Wow yeah so you can relate then. I want it to be equally as special for her as it is for me. I don't want to step on anyones toes ya know? Thanks for your feedback
This. I just found out today that DH's sister is pregnant. She is a few weeks ahead of me and I am SO excited. One because my baby will have a cousin close in age and proximity and two because I have someone else to be pregnant with. We were talking today and it was so fun to have someone else going through the same thing as me. MIL is going to be just as excited about our baby as she is about SIL's and both babies will have so much love.
I think you need to calm down and stop thinking about pregnancy as 'your moment in the spotlight.'
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I'm on team "This is Ridiculous"
I would LOVE to be pregnant at the same time as a friend/family member. It would make me really happy to share it with someone.
I also agree with ncchat.... It's like a wedding- NOBODY cares about all of it as much as you do, and you can't expect them to. This isn't the Jveliov show for the next nine months. It's a baby. People will celebrate and be excited for you, but you can't honestly expect people to fawn all over you and want to talk about it and celebrate the whole time.
I say grow up and be happy for your SIL
this 100%. After three years of IF, and IVF, I don't give 2 sh!!ts who else is pregnant with me!
I agree that you are making this into a bigger deal than it has to be.
My cousin was born in February and I was born in April. We looked so much alike growing up that we created a "twin" birthday for ourselves. We divided the number of days that separated us and made that our own special birthday!! We were best friends growing up and we are still super close today. I wouldn't trade it for the world!! When I was PG with my first she announced that she was PG too. Our little girls are 4 now and they are continuing our tradition and are super close and love playing with each other.
It's crazy how emotional we can get but I really think that you can use this opportunity to become closer to your SIL and just think how much fun your kids will have growing up!!
GL, JM
If you end up with a healthy baby at the end of your pregnancy, one that you get to take home and love and raise for years to come, I'd say that's a perfect pregnancy. Think of your SIL who has struggled to be able to conceive. Do you think she's going to worry about "sharing the spotlight" with you? My guess is that she's thanking her lucky stars that she is pregnant and is truly appreciating the gift she's just been given, whether it's "shares" or not.
BFP#1 - 11/13/11, Natural MC - 12/24/11 at 12 weeks
BFP#2 - 10/2/12, Please be our rainbow.