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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
BFP #1: 12/22/10. EDD: 9/4/11. BDay: 8/30/11
BFP #2: 10/16/12. EDD: 6/27/13. Said Goodbye: 10/22/12
BFP #3: 11/20/12. EDD: 8/1/13. STICK BABY STICK!
Betas: 11/30/12 - 2819. 12/2/12 - 7339! Keep growing, baby!
Don't know what to think
Hey everyone. Last week I got a couple not so big&fat postives, and then a true BFP on Tuesday the 16th. I called my MW on Wednesday so she could fill a script for Zofran as I had debilitating HG with DD. Yesterday, I got a call that she wanted to see me sometime before my 10 week appointment for labs and history. They have a NP dedicated to walk ins between 1 and 3 pm on weekdays, and she said to go in whenever was convenient. I went in yesterday at 1, and they had me take a preliminary urine test. It was negative and I was pretty much shooed out by the NP. I sat in my car and tried to hold it together (DD was in the back), so I called my MW and asked her what was going on. She was livid the NP didn't proceed with the labs, so she sent me to a satellite lab for a draw. At 4:30pm yesterday I called the office and they said the results weren't in yet, but they would call if they came before they left, or first thing in the morning. Last night at 11pm I started bleeding.
I've been painfully bleeding all day. I am sad and scared and hurt. I don't know where to go from here. DH keeps saying, "we can try again," but he doesn't understand I wanted THIS baby. THIS baby meant the world to me. I pictured his/her whole life, and DD having a younger sibling to love on, she kissed my belly every morning and said, "baby". She did it today and I lost it. She is only 14 mos, she will forget soon, but its breaking my heart.
I keep thinking of all the tghings I may have done wrong. Too much caffeine? The glass of wine with my questionable positive? Skipping breakfast? Not enough water? And then I think back to when I was pregnant with DD and how every night I fell asleep praying for her well being, and how I didn't do it this time. I let my guard down, and I feel like maybe its a punishment.
I don't know where to go from here. I feel like I will never wnat to get pregnant again. I am too scared. And too sad. I am sorry this like jibberish.
I've been painfully bleeding all day. I am sad and scared and hurt. I don't know where to go from here. DH keeps saying, "we can try again," but he doesn't understand I wanted THIS baby. THIS baby meant the world to me. I pictured his/her whole life, and DD having a younger sibling to love on, she kissed my belly every morning and said, "baby". She did it today and I lost it. She is only 14 mos, she will forget soon, but its breaking my heart.
I keep thinking of all the tghings I may have done wrong. Too much caffeine? The glass of wine with my questionable positive? Skipping breakfast? Not enough water? And then I think back to when I was pregnant with DD and how every night I fell asleep praying for her well being, and how I didn't do it this time. I let my guard down, and I feel like maybe its a punishment.
I don't know where to go from here. I feel like I will never wnat to get pregnant again. I am too scared. And too sad. I am sorry this like jibberish.
BFP #1: 12/22/10. EDD: 9/4/11. BDay: 8/30/11
BFP #2: 10/16/12. EDD: 6/27/13. Said Goodbye: 10/22/12
BFP #3: 11/20/12. EDD: 8/1/13. STICK BABY STICK!
Betas: 11/30/12 - 2819. 12/2/12 - 7339! Keep growing, baby!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Don't know what to think
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I know its really hard right now. I know its hard not to think the thoughts you are thinking right now. I remember thinking all those same things (that maybe I should have evacuated the house when DH was painting the kitchen....maybe I should have gotten more sleep and been more relaxed, etc...). These are almost inevitable after-thoughts. But the cold sad truth is that (for lack of a better illustration) crack heads have babies every day. Pregnant women who don't give a crap and chain smoke (a'hem...my neighbors) have a prolific amount of children. Its undeniable true. You did nothing wrong. I'm really really sorry this happened to you.
I'm also sorry that DH doesn't get it. Maybe he never will understand the way you are grieving. Mine didn't really get it, either. But this board is wonderful and really helped me. I hope you find it helpful too. ((HUGS))
I am so sorry for your loss.
I also want to give that NP a piece of my mind.
January PAL siggie challenge; Good advice:
Oh, yes, this:
I forgot to mention that, too. Stupid people. I'm sorry you had to go through with that!!
At least MW knows and will discipline accordingly. I had a small victory like that over an US technician who came into a populated waiting room and relayed the doctor's opinion to me in front of a room full people. The dr. wasn't so happy to hear about that.
Married 10.10.09
BFP 9.10.12 ~ MMC ~ D&C 10.20.12
BFP 2.22.13 ~ DD Born 10.23.13
July Siggy Challenge: Summer Fail
#1 BFP 2/24/11 EDD 10/29/11 Born 11/1/11
(via emergency c-section due to prolapsed cord; dx with sensorineural hearing loss Feb 2012)
#2 BFP 9/13/12 EDD 5/20/13 Natural M/C 10/3/12
#3 BFP 11/13/12 EDD 7/27/13
Your story sounds exactly how I felt last week. Im so sorry for everything. Im still wrapping my head around everything. My thoughts and prayers go out to you!
Married my very own GI Joe May 2002
I also, at first, blamed myself; but truth is, there is nothing you could've done to change avoid it. Life is just cruel sometimes.
Be gentle to yourself now, sending thoughts and Prayers your way.
Missing my May Bloom baby: BFP 09/16/12. EDD 05/25/13 m/c 10/09/12
BFP#2 12/06/12 EDD 08/17/2013
~~PGAL/PAL Always Welcome!~~