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Anniversary of our loss this weekend

may2806may2806 member
in Infertility Veterans

I just wanted to post this on the board since I received so much support here last year when we lost Samantha on October 28, 2011. It was the worst day of my life and you ladies were really my rock. I couldn't have gotten through it (or anything else I've been through in the past 4 years) without you.

I can't believe it's been a year. And I can't believe that I'm still not a mom to a baby here on earth. I think her loss is a sadness that will never fully go away. Because of that, this weekend DH and I are just planning to take some time for ourselves and do something nice instead of focusing the day on grieving, which is really something we do every day. I'm hoping to be able to make some new memories and not focus on the sadness. But she will always be with us.

Thank you ladies again for everything. 

Dx: High FSH, stage IV endo, homozygous C677T MTHFR and PAI-1
Early loss 10/08
Lap 1/09
IVF #1 "natural IVF" - 1 egg retrieved, missed m/c
Tried several mini-stim cycles with no response
Switched clinics - dx'd as carrier for Fragile X
IVF #2 MDL protocol Jan/Feb converted to IUI, BFN
IVF #2 take 2: Antagonist, one embie, BFN
IVF #3: Antagonist, no fertilization
One last ditch effort at OE IVF (antagonist with Clomid) cancelled
DE cycle #1 Jan/Feb 2011, BFP, ectopic
DE cycle #2 June/July 2011 - BFP
10/28/11 Baby girl lost at 17 weeks due to pre-term labor. We love and miss you.
DE cycle #3 June/July 2012 - BFP, twins, both heartbeats stopped, D&C
2 frosties but don't know what's next
FET Dec 2012: BFP! Praying this one sticks for the long haul!
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Re: Anniversary of our loss this weekend

  • AmCheriAmCheri member
    Oh, sweetie.  I can feel the pain in your post and it makes me sad and so angry. :( I like that you and YH will do something nice for yourselves this weekend.  You deserve that day and many, many more.  I will be thinking of you. Big, big hugs.  
    Baby girl Lila born 2013.
    Baby boy Henry born 2015.
    Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
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  • Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish member
    Big hugs. Be very gentle with yourself. I hope you and DH can find some happiness with each other this weekend. Samantha will always be in your heart. Thinking of you:-)

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

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  • GregermisGregermis member
    ((hugs))  Lots of T&Ps for you, your DH, and your angel baby. 
    TTC #1 Since 4/2010, Cycle 30
    Positive for HLA-B27, I'm a mutant :p
    Testing - Me ok, gluten issue? DH - borderline count, low motility
    4/28/11 IUI#1 = BFP!(5/25), EDD 2/2/12 - m/c 5w3d
    7/3, 7/31, 9/25 - IUI#2-4=BFN
    IVF#1 - 1 blast = BFP!! (12/30), EDD 9/9/12, confirmed c/p 4w2d
    FET#1 3/2/12 - 2 blasts =BFP!! EDD 11/18/12, us#1 = twins! Confirmed m/c 5w6d
    4/20-surprise BFP and another c/p 4w2d
    FET#2 7/16/12 - 2 blasts = BFN
    FET#3 8/20/12 - 1 blast - BFP!! Beta #1-2=177, 354
    1st u/s 5w6d, one beautiful little HB :), 2nd u/s 146bpm
    baby girl born 5/10/13

    TTC#2 since 12/17/2014, Cycle 8
    Repeat Testing...FSH=12, AMH=3.8, AFC=28. 
    IUI#5 5/10/15- c/p?
    IVF#2 8/19/15 - cancelled due to cysts
    IVF#2 take two 10/2015 - 5 blasts frozen
    FET#4 12/11/2015 - BFN - 4 blasts remaining
    FET#5 2/18/16 - BFP!!!  Beta1-3, 126, 250, 745!!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Tons of love and ((hugs)) to my IF sister NMscubagirl


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  • daisyMaryGirldaisyMaryGirl member
    I'm so sorry for your loss.  (((HUGS))).  Will be praying for you and your family this weekend.  Try to do something nice for yourself. 
    PCOS
    TTC since October 2008

    IVF/ICSI #1 12/7/2011 = BFN
    IVF/ICSI #2 1/31/2012 = BFN
    IVF/ICSI #3 March 2013 Cancelled
    IVF/ICSI #4 5/30/2013 = BFP
    EDD 2/5/2014.  Baby Girl Born 1/21/2014
    FET #1 1/29/2016 = BFN
    IVF/ICSI #5 11/10/2017 = All Freeze.  Not able to access one ovary
    FET #2  4/10/2018 = BFN
    FET #3  11/10/2018 = BFP - Miscarriage
    IVF/ICSI #6  3/17/2019 = All Freeze.  PGT 
    FET #4 9/10/2019 = BFP 

    **PAIF/SAIFW ALWAYS WELCOMED**

    "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7)


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  • Roxie5739Roxie5739 member
    The biggest HUGS for you this weekend. Take care

    Multiple ectopics, 2 failed IVF's
    IVF #1: Did not get to ET, embies all failed PGD (major chromosomal defects)
    IVF #2: We have 2 chromosomally perfect embies as a result of PGD (Boy/Girl) 1 failed the thaw (Girl) Transferred 1, yet ended as a c/p
    Thought it was the end of our TTC Journey 6/20/2012
    SHOCK BFP 9/28/2012: IT'S A BOY! and everything is normal !!!!!!

    Little A born 38w 2d on 05/23/13 and is a true miracle for this IF Vet!
     

    image              

     


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  • orange1414orange1414 member
    ((hugs)) I hope you and your DH can find some peace this weekend. My thoughts will be with you.
    Trying to grow our family with both fertility treatments and adoption since March 2009 
    IUIs#1-4 = BFN, IVF#1 = c/p, IVF#2 = OHSS, FET#1=BFP
    BabyFruit Ticker
    image
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  • MandaS08MandaS08 member
    Huge hugs hon!!!!! I hope you are able to have a peaceful anniversary.  Your angel is always with you.

    TTC since 5/2010
    DX with Diminished Ovarian Reserve - AMH of 1.1 - 7/2011; AMH of .42 8/2012    BFP 9/1/10-M/C confirmed 9/8/10-Methotrexate 10/6/10
    IUI #1 (w/clomid)-9/5/11-BFN ; IUI #2 (w/clomid)-10/5/11 - BFP - 11/1/12-No sac seen; 11/2/11 and 11/9/11-Methotrexate 
    IVF #1- ER 2/2; ET 2/5;-Two 8 cell embryos transfered = BFFN
    Surprise BFP - 5/7/12
    U/S on 6/8/12 - H/B at 128 BPM; U/S on 6/14/12 @ 9wks-No H/B-D&C on 6/17/12
    IVF 2.0- ER 10/17; ET 10/20-One 12 cell, one 10 cell and one 8 cell embryo transfered
    BFP!   11/16/12 U/S- Two nuggets with perfect heartbeats! EDD 7/10/13

     

    5/31/2013- My miracles arrived at 34w2d!  Welcome to the world Harper and Nolan!Lilypie First Birthday tickers

    My Blog- http://waitingonaangel.wordpress.com/

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

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  • mdluv21mdluv21
    I am so sorry hon.  I don't know if you will feel the same but I felt a sense of relief after surviving a whole year.  Huge ((hugs))
    TTC since 07/2009
    Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
    Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
    Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
    May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
    Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
    Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
    Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
    April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
    Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796 Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
    Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
    Our little miracle baby is a boy. :)

    Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    "What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
    SAIF/PAIF Welcome
    Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.
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  • JM1977JM1977 member
    I am so, so sorry for the pain you are going through.  Thank you for letting us know about the anniversary.  I will be keep you, your DH, and your sweet angel in my thoughts this weekend.
    TTC with DOR, low morphology, fertilization issues
    IVF#1 Oct 2009 (CCRM) - BFN
    IVF#2 March 2010 - Poor response/cancelled
    DE IVF#1 Aug 2010 - BFN
    DE IVF#2 Dec 2010 - Transferred 1, 2 frozen - BFP!
    TTC#2 FET Jan 2013 - Transferred 1 - BFP!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • jillychrisjillychris member
    ((HUGS)) to you and YH!!! I Definitely take the time to do something extra nice for you and YH; you absolutely deserve it! And yes, she will absolutely always be with you!
    2/11 Diagnosis: DOR-AMH .62, LPD and MFI-4% Morph
    IVF #1-July 2011 7/9/11-Started Stims
    7/20/11-ER:No eggs in 4/5 follicles. Left the 5th follie intact and converted to an IUI
    8/3/11-Beta #1=BFN,
    Nov, 2011 BFP #1=m/c at 7 wks 3 days
    11/11-AMH .47, IVF #2 March 2012...or not!! Surprise BFP on 2/19. Beta #1=161. Beta #2 305 Our little miracle girl is on her way! Due Oct 29, 2012
    <a href="http://s1207.photobucket.com/albums/bb461/andersenspics/?action=view
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  • illinigalillinigal member
    Hugs sweetie.  You and your Dh should do whatever you feel is best for you.  I couldn't believe a year had gone by and I wasn't holding a baby or two either, so I understand your pain.  T&Ps with you always.
    TTC #1 since October 2008. Dealing with MFI.
    IVF #1 w ICSI in July 2010 = BFN
    IVF #2.1 in Oct 2010 converted to IUI = BFN
    IVF #2.2 w ICSI in Dec 2010 = BFN
    Met with new RE in new city on 1/31/11.
    IVF #3 w ICSI in April 2011. HPT on 5/9 = BFP!
    Beta #1 on 5/10 (10dp5dt) = 99.4. Beta #2 on 5/12 = 284. First u/s on 5/26. = Fraternal TWINS!
    Twin boys born & lost on 8/16/11 at 18w1d due to PPROM & preterm labor.
    IVF #4.1 in Jan 2012 converted to IUI on 1/7/12 = BFN
    IVF #4.2 w ICSI in Feb 2012. Lupron on 2/10. Stims on 2/18. ER on 2/29- 7R,6F
    ET scheduled for 3/5/12- nothing to transfer :(
    Dh seeing new MFI uro & Dh starting meds- June 2012.
    IVF #5 in Dec 2012 = BFFN.
    IVF #6 planned for Spring 2013. Praying for our take home baby/ies.
    **P/SAIF and P/SAL always welcome!**

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • blueberries8blueberries8 member
    (((hugs))) Thinking of you and your sweet Samantha this weekend. I am so sorry things didn't turn out differently and that life is sometimes so totally unfair.
    IUIs #1-3 (1x unmedicated, 2x Clomid) = 2 BFNs, 1 m/c at 7w3d
    IUIs #4-6 (injects) = 3 BFNs
    IVF #1 = BFN
    FET #1 = BFN
    FET #2 = BFN
    IVF #2 = BFP, b/g twins lost at 20w due to partial abruption/PPROM
    IVF #3 = c/p 5w2d
    Long-shot Clomid/Prednisone cycle before next IVF = BFP, our beautiful, healthy girl born 6/26/13!
    ~~
    TTC again March 2014
    FET #3 - May/June 2014     -     all embryos arrested before xfer - back to the drawing board...
    IVF #4 - July/August 2014 
    beta 1 (11dp3dt) 220, beta 2 (13dp3dt) 671, beta 3 (19dp3dt) 10762
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  • amethystgrrlamethystgrrl member
    I am so sorry... hugs to you this weekend.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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