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Spouses of deployed military...

MrsBalletStar05MrsBalletStar05 member
in Military Families
What do you talk to your spouse about when you get the chance?  We are lucky that we are able to communicate once or twice a week and I have almost NOTHING to say to my husband.  Our children have several medical issues, so I keep him updated on that, but otherwise I don't have much to say.  He is upset that I don't talk enough, but I really have nothing to say.  I'd even suggest a game to him or something.  Any help?  Let me know. 
Adrian 7.6.07 - ADHD, Disruptive Behavior Disorder, Learning Disability-NOS
Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder
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Re: Spouses of deployed military...

  • hbbmamahbbmama member
    A friend of mine would tape/record a TV series/show for her husband while he was gone, then she would wait to watch them until he got them, and they would watch them at about the same time and have something to talk about that wasn't kids etc. That or you could just buy a season of something. Has to be something a little ridiculous that you are both really into. Good luck!
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  • IlumineIlumine member

    Why not keep a journal handy.  And whenever you think of something funny, quirky or sad, write it down.  that way you can have some topics.

    Or ask him questions about his day and use the follow-up method.  For every topic he talks about, ask a direct question.  Then follow up with one more. 

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  • ladybugpjbladybugpjb member
    I used to tell him random stories that I heard on the news - funny or just weird ones. I tried to read up on things he liked so I could talk to him about that. Most of it was pretty mundane.

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  • tslmom87tslmom87 member
    My H just got back, but while he was gone I was pretty lucky and got to talk to him every day, we'd just kind of hang out really if we had nothing to say it would feel like he was here even though he wasn't and that was enough for me! We would play games together or watch tv or I'd turn the cam towards our dd and he'd watch her. He would watch me clean or cook or whatever. hth!

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  • SheilaESheilaE

    When DH was deployed we talk about my work, funny things that happened, news in the local area, and funny things the pets did recently.  He usually called when Jay Leno was on, so there were times I would laugh, and he would ask what was funny and I'd tell him the story.

    I like the idea of doing a journal, just write down little things that amuse you (what the kids did that day, what the pets did), what you've done recently.  They usually don't care what you talk about but just want to hear about your day to day life.

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  • MiahTMiahT member
    I would write little reminder notes for things I wanted to mention to DH when he called, important things or just amusing stories I'd heard.  The bulk of the conversation topics fell to me because there wasn't a lot DH could discuss on his side unless he got a rare evening off that didn't immediately end in nap time.  I'm pretty sure at one point he spent ten minutes listening to me tell him the entire plot of a romance I'd just read and how silly I thought the couple had acted because I had nothing else to talk about.  Honestly, I think he was just happy to hear my voice and to get to talk about something that didn't revolve around his job. 
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  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member
    We often read the same books or watch the same tv series while he's gone and then we discuss those.  We also talk about vacations, what the kids are doing in school, things going on around town or in our families.  He doesn't care if I talk about the weeds growing in the yard, he just wants me to talk about anything but his work.  He also just wants to hear my voice and know we are all ok.  
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  • nicolepatricia87nicolepatricia87 member
    We just talk about the everyday things and I talk a lot about the baby since I'm due any day now, but I know what you mean bc sometimes we have that silent minute or two. Then I'll try to remember things I wanted to tell him earlier. I think keeping a journal of things you want to tell him is a good idea bc I'm very guilty of saying there's something I wanted to tell you and can't remember what it was! 
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  • TomHope2011TomHope2011
    My DH and I usually get to talk frequently while he is deployed.  His last deployment we were lucky enough to have a chance to talk everyday as he was on the night shift.  It worked out that he was always able to call me in the morning as I was getting ready for work.  Sometimes, we didn't talk hardly at all and most times he sat there and got to watch me brush my teeth and just get ready for my day.  I know that might sound a little creepy, but it was still nice just being able to see each others' faces over skype even if we weren't actually conversing.
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  • Mrsjtdancer123Mrsjtdancer123
    We talked about everything and anything under the sun. The kids, church, a book, music, work (both his and mine). He had some funny stories of stuff that was going on there. Then other times he was upset over something and wanted to talk about it. We would about things we would do when he got back. We went into further details about our letters, or even just random stuff that happened throughout the day. He loved hearing about the most mundane things going on here because it kept him in the loop and made him feel like part of the family still to k ow what was for dinner, or what the boys did at preschool, etc. the only thing is I never shared anything that I knew would worry him, like health issues, etc. I  needed him to stay focused until he came home. They have enough to worry about over there without having to stress and worry about us. But yeah, we talked about pretty much everything and anything.
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  • MrsArrantsMrsArrants member

    I met and started dating my husband when we were 15 years old in 2002. He was the boy who lived down the street from me. I married the boy next door, literally.

    DH enlisted in the military in Summer 2011 and left for training in October 2011. Up until that time that he left we had never been apart for more than 3 days in a row. I never thought I would make it through six months of basic training. The first day he arrived I got a 3 minute phone call to tell me he made it safe and to let the rest of the family know. For the next three Sundays in a row I got a 15-20 minute phone call. They were hard weeks and there was so much to tell him that the time went by too quickly. Every week after that however he was given a 4-8 hour pass and we quickly ran out of things to talk about. 

    Now that he is deployed overseas we Skype almost every day. We chat for about 10 minutes at 6 AM my time just before he heads to work, and then for another hour or two at 9 PM my time just before he goes to bed. There are times when we just sit and stare at one another because we don't have much to say.

    The notebook idea is one that I employ mainly because this pregnancy brain makes me forget absolutely everything within a couple hours so if I don't write it down I won't remember to tell him about it. Most of the time we talk about my pregnancy and how it's going and everything that is happening. Now that we know the gender we're spending some time looking at nursery themes together so that he still has a say in it even though he's far away. 

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