If you and DH travel w/out kids, who watches LO(s) and where? (long)

egsquared · October 2012

Hi ladies, I don't post regularly over here, but we're struggling with this issue right now and just wanted to hear some opinions. Sorry it's loooooong!

DD turned 3 in August, and DH and I have never traveled anywhere without her. We realize we should have done this way before now, but we both work FT and use most of our vacation time and $ to visit DH's family on the East coast. We did stay overnight at a wedding last fall for one night and my mom came and stayed with DD at our house. But besides that one night, either DH or I have always been home overnight with her. We'd like to go away for 3 nights (leave Fri, come back Mon.) in early December for our 5th anniversary and leave DD home. My mom and sister are able to split the time and watch DD, however, they would like us to bring DD to them - she would stay 2 nights at my sister's and then 1 night at my mom's. I would prefer if they would come to our house and watch DD here and they could just rotate in/out. We live about 45 minutes from where both my mom and sister live.

It's all turning into a big fight with my sister who thinks I'm being unreasonable and selfish to want her to come to our house especially because they're doing us a favor. I do understand that they are doing us a favor, but we've never asked this of them before (and probably won't for a long time to come, if ever), so I don't understand why it's such a big deal to come to our house for two nights? My sister and BIL do have a dog, so if my sister came to our house, BIL would have to stay home with the dog. Both my sister and my mom think it's rude that I'm asking her to be away from her husband for two nights (seriously?), especially 'cause it's so boring then for her here. Finally, my sister also thinks that I'm too controlling with DD and I'm not able to let go enough - I am a very hesitant, attached FTM, and DD is my only child, so this could be true?

My point of view is that I just want DD to be comfortable in her own home and have her be able to do all her usual activities - full day pre-k on the weekdays, ballet on saturday, etc. My sister wouldn't have to take off time on Friday because DD can stay at school until 5:30, and my 65 year old mom could take DD to school on Monday and not be chasing her around all day. DD is also scared of my sister's dog, so that makes me nervous too if we sent DD there. And to be honest, it is easier for us this way too in that we don't have to pack up all of DD's stuff and take it out to them and then go to the airport (about 30 minutes back the other direction), etc. If they came to our house, DH and I coultd just take the subway to the airport and back and leave our car/car seat for them to use. This also avoids a lot of car seat transferring and installing by my family who has never installed a car seat.

I am close with my mom and sister and we them fairly regularly. DD does go with us to their homes frequently enough to "know" their houses. I'm just anxious about leaving her as is, and I would just feel better knowing she was comfortable here at our house. Am I overreacting and over thinking everything? Maybe I just need to hear it straight that I'm being crazy? Idk. Any advice on how to make everyone happy? I feel like I'm losing my mind, so TIA if you read this far!

Soter1 · October 2012

The most we have left is 3 nights a few times, for weddings. We usually do split the time between people 2, (our parents). They ALWAYS come to our house (at least DH's parents do) because frankly it is just easier for THEM. i could care less and I think the kids could care less too. But my parents have a great set up for our children versus my inlaws do not. I wouldn't care where they stayed. I would do whatever the caretaker wants because that is a big favor they are doing me. can the dog come to your house? Just enjoy the time away, your LO will be fine, well cared for and loved, doesn't matter where she is, you will just need to pack more stuff. No use fighting over it. Plus, if your sister works full time, I can see not wanting to be away from home all day.

egsquared · October 2012

fredalina:
She'll be fine. Can't smiley on mobile but pretend I am.

Ughh! I know you're right. It's good to see your responses. I think I'm really letting MY anxiety of the whole thing get to me. I need to get over it.... Sad

gimmietimmies · October 2012

fredalina:
She'll be fine. Can't smiley on mobile but pretend I am.

Agreed. Although we've never left the kids to go on a vacation (more for money than anything), they have had weekends at all their aunts and uncles and grandparents. And ballet class and swimming has been missed. For me, it was more my problem than theirs with being okay with it. I was nervous the first go, they thought it was great.

lauren&matt · October 2012

We travel a lot. Dh's parents live in MO and we live in Texas. We went to Ireland for 10 days. We flew dd to MO and then flew in and out of their town for our trip and then back to Texas. So they kept her at their house.

My parents live in our city. When they watch the girls, they also keep them at their house. They would just much rather be at their own house and I totally 100% get that.

So you know what I'm going to say. They *are* doing you a favor, a big favor, and one that you might want them to do again. Your dd will be fine... and change of scenery is good.

On the flip side, she might even be more confused with someone else staying at her house but not doing things exactly they way you do them.

So I totally feel you should let them keep her at their house. Relax and enjoy your vaca!!

sunnyday016 · October 2012

Just let her go. Have a great time and your DD will be just fine with your mom and your sister. If someone was offering to watch my LOs for me so I could go on vacation, I'd be outta here in a hot second!

Have fun and try not to worry!

Littlejen22 · October 2012

Let me start by saying I have never left my kids overnight and have no interest in doing so, maybe I'd my Mom was still younger and capable I would feel different but that is where I am, I do not have anyone that I feel comfortable doing it so I wont.

If you do not feel comfortable with her going to their home then stay home or bring her. If you want to go then you need to trust them to care for her as THEY see fit and where they feel comfortable. And yeah, if her DH cannot come and you think it is no big deal and she should do it because you said so, you are being selfish and controlling. I get why you feel the way you do but your other choice is to not have them do it, you can it make them do what you want.

bearkatjen · October 2012

For short under a week stints, my sister has come up and stayed with DS. It makes since for her to come to us rather DS to her, because her apartment isn't equipped for a young child. My sister doesn't mind at all. We have nextflix and wifi here. She's a college kid.

My MIL has come for longer stays, and she lives out-of-state, so obviously she stays here. I would have no problem sending DS to her though, it's just easier for her to come here rather than to send DS to her.

I stayed the night at my grandma's when I was young all the time, and I stayed at her house. I loved going to her house. I think for most kids, it's fun to stay somewhere else. If my sister wanted DS to stay at her place, I'd be fine with that. I know my SIL has her children stay over at MIL's or her IL as much as they come over and stay at her house.

jnksmom · October 2012

We lived away from family for 4 years and went away without LOs several times during that time. Usually my parents kept them for us. When we lived only 4.5hrs from my parents I would meet my mom halfway to drop them off and then meet again to pick them up. She preferred to be at her house so she could be with my dad for the weekend(while he was off) and so the kids could see him as well. My kids loved being at their grandparents' house.

Now that we are 20 minutes from my parents, they will stay with my parents when H and I go OOT without them. Again, they do this anyway though. Once a month they both spend the night and H and I have date night and then get to sleep in the next day. They each also spend a night/week at my parents' house.

I do think you are overreacting a little. They are doing you a favor and if it is easier for them, you should take DD to them. IF she had never been to their houses before, I would see why you are anxious about it but you said she is familiar with their houses so she will be fine. She may love being somewhere else.

Relax and enjoy your trip!!!

MrsBalletStar05 · October 2012

The longest we've been *away* was one night at a time (left around bedtime, came back early in the morning), and we were in town. My BIL watched our boys at his home. We've never been away for multiple nights, nor would we do so at this time in our lives. Our parents are several states away, BIL is our only family here. IMO, if whoever is watching your child doesn't want to go to your house, then they don't need to. They are doing you a huge favor, even if it's *just this once*. They don't really owe you anything, at all. If you are not comfortable taking your child to their home, then you either need to find other arrangements or not go on the trip - simple as that. I feel, if someone is doing you a favor, you need to accommodate that person as much as possible.

JoannaJes · October 2012

I think a three year old can roll with the punches. They are going to understand that they are in a different place, witn different caregivers.

Plus, it's not like you have a little baby that requires a lot of additional "stuff" that you would have to transport to someone else's house. 3 year olds are pretty portable, IMO. No bottles, diapers, cribs, etc.

ETA: I also think that your expectation that your sister ditch her husband for two night so that your kid stays in your house is way out of line. Don't use excuses like "FTM/attached/whatever to justify your anxiety getting out of control.

ridesbuttons · October 2012

We've left the kids with family on a few occasions and done both. Sometimes kids go to family, sometimes family comes to kids. I try and pick what will be easiest on the caregivers.

My take on it is that if I want help in the future, I make the 'now' request as palatable as possible for the caregivers. They are the ones making the 'sacrifice' of their usual routine whatever it may be.

I think you are overreacting and I completely get your sister's point of view. Your daughter will manage just fine having some overnights at her aunt or grandma's home. It'll be a nice little adventure and holiday for her too.

keg · October 2012

Heck, if I had family offering to watch my kids, I could care less where they did it! At 3, I don't think it really makes that much difference to the kids. My DDs have been to a couple in-law houses and my mom's house (unfortunately not without me because everyone is far away) and they LOVE it! To me, it would be more of an issue if they were in the 12-18 month range where there is more gear and LOs are more likely to get into things in a non-baby proofed house. Growing up, my parents wound up going out of town quite a bit and I always was at someone else's house. I can't remember anyone staying at our house. Take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy your trip!

KathrynMD · October 2012

Please let this go - ditto everyone else. Let your LO go to the your mother and sisters houses. I'll be she'll have more ice cream than you would give her while she's there too - that's the beauty of visiting relatives. She'll have a blast and if you make it easy for them to watch her, they will do it again. My parents and ILs all live close and are happy to watch DD. I would LOVE if they would come to us all the time and do it on exactly my schedule, with minimal inconvenience to me, but this just isn't practical or fair for me to expect. We take DD to their houses for sleepovers whenever possible, but on rare occassions when its not, they are all ok coming to our house instead.

LillyGrrl · October 2012

We have done- two 7or 8 day trips out of the country, and one 7 day trip to the west coast (we live on the east coast) since our DD was born (she's 3.5, our son is only 7 months old and we likely won't go anywhere until he's a year and a half- next November for our 8th anniversary). My mom always comes to stay with her here at my house for that length of time- because my mom lives in NY and our daughter lives and goes to school here in MD. That being said I would not have an issue if my mom wanted our daughter to spend a week up there with her for a vacation, so long DD had no other activities (school/swimming lessons/ballet class). My DD has also spent three days in Texas with my sister without me or my husband- I had no issues there either (my mom flew with her).

It's three days, I think even if she skipped school and ballet for those three days she'd be fine. Let the child stay with your mom and sister at their homes, it's not worth fighting with your mom and sister over it, it's only a few nights and your DD's schedule will not get that messed up. They don't live that far from you where she wouldn't still be able to attend school and dance class.

howleyshell · October 2012

Maybe overkill but ditto everyone else.

If they are not interested in staying at your house for what ever reason you either need to abide by their wishes and send her to them or pony up the cash to pay a sitter for the weekend.

I think you're over thinking this. She'll go and she'll have a BLAST. They're flexible at this age and it does them good to get outside of their own boxes just like it will do you good too!

jlw2505 · October 2012

My kids have stayed with either my parents or my ILS. My parents are out of state but when DH and I went away for a week for our 5th anniversary, we had my parents come stay with the kids. If we are just going away for a night or 2, we will have them stay at my ILs. My ILs really can't handle more than that (not in the best health). I would have no issue leaving my kids with either of my sisters but neither live in state and DH's sisters - at this point I would not - one has twins that are uner a year and the other is expecting so again, not an ideal time for either of them to help. Both of my SILs have baby sit and they are totally fine with the kids but they also both (and their DH's) work full time so its asking a lot so we don't do it.

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If you and DH travel w/out kids, who watches LO(s) and where? (long)

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