A Mommy WWYD?

mamaholmes2010 · October 2012

I am currently in Grad School for my MS. I have class every Wednesday night from 6-9pm-which includes next Wednesday which is Halloween. My class is about 1.5 hours from home, so I have to leave around 4:30 to get there on time.

Here is my issue. O has a harvest Party at DC on Wednesday. My plan was to take a half day vacation, go to his thing at school, then take him trick-or-treating to my grandparents and aunts and uncles, and then meet H at home and he can finish trick-or-treating with Oliver while I go to school. I told H this plan and he totally lost it on me. He told me that I am prioritizing school over O and that I need to skip class next week. Normally I would agree, but for this class, class participation is 35% of your final grade.

So, WWYD Dec. Mommies? Am I wrong in trying to juggle it all?

ETA: Typos

JoJoMama730 · October 2012

Nope, I don't think you're wrong, in particular because you have a pretty reasonable-sounding plan to try to participate in the day's festivities AND make it to class. Sounds like DH is just disappointed that you won't be there with he and O.

missmuffin87 · October 2012

I think you have to go to class. With 3 hour classes there's not that many of them in the semester, so it can really hurt your grade to miss even one.

mamaholmes2010 · October 2012

rachelrm87:
I think you have to go to class. With 3 hour classes there's not that many of them in the semester, so it can really hurt your grade to miss even one.

Thank you. This is how I was feeling too.

mamaholmes2010 · October 2012

JoJoMama730:
Nope, I don't think you're wrong, in particular because you have a pretty reasonable-sounding plan to try to participate in the day's festivities AND make it to class. Sounds like DH is just disappointed that you won't be there with he and O.

I think you hit the nail on the head here. I think DH has been struggling with me being back at school as it is and this is just adding to it.

kj07 · October 2012

This is only the first of many conflicts with professional life and personal life. I think you've come up with a good plan to balance Halloween activities with your commitment to school.

Of course, I'm missing Halloween this year to travel to a professional conference.

lrn327 · October 2012

That's a tough spot. Can you show up an hour late for the class? Maybe that would give you a bit more time to TOT with O? Is your prof possibly sympathetic and would let you do something extra to make up for the missed class in terms of your participation grade? If there is any leeway you can get the prof to make, personally I'd do that. At least in my MS program, practically no one had small children so those things were even on the prof's radar so it might be worth it to ask. If this isn't a possibility at all though then I think you've come up with a good happy-medium plan. Your DH's just upset right now.

watermellens · October 2012

I agree that you should go to class. Halloween is only one day and DH can easily take your LO trick or treating...besides, he's barely 2 and won't remember this anyways! Your education is just as important.

lulu8109 · October 2012

I think you definitely need to go to class. You only have one class a week and it's part of your grade to attend and participate. I can't imagine NOT going to the class. I actually think you are already going above and beyond to schedule it so that you can particpate in LO's Halloween.

Honestly, it's just Halloween. I understand it's a big deal for kids, but it's hardly a can't-miss holiday.

And how much TOTing does an almost 2 year old really need? For us, we just want to get DS dressed up and maybe get him a few pieces of candy just for fun. I think the harvest party would be enough for our family.

EMOmamma · October 2012

For a 1 year old I'd go to class. If he was 5 I'd say trick or treat.
FWIW my H will likely be at a school test review session next Wed night too. We're doing a trick or treat street this weekend so he will get to see them in costumes then.

EVM1216 · October 2012

watermellens:
I agree that you should go to class. Halloween is only one day and DH can easily take your LO trick or treating...besides, he's barely 2 and won't remember this anyways! Your education is just as important.

This, YH is being unreasonable. Halloween isn't exactly a major holiday but you've still managed to fit in time for LO. Maybe I'm biased because my mom never went out trick or treating with me, but I don't think your absence should matter. Tell YH to enjoy some one on one bonding time with LO.

Five Months to Plan · October 2012

I think you came up with a good plan to try and do both. You are involved during the day. Go to class.

Serendipity117 · October 2012

So, let me get this straight. You are prioritizing school by not ToT a couple houses but your H isn't doing the same thing with work by missing the DC party? Seems a little hypocritical to me.

For the record, I don't think you both need to be at everything. Yes, it's nice when you can all be together but as long as one of you is there for him he'll be happy.

I think your solution is perfect. You are going to the DC event, taking him to some family member to ToT, and you are still going to class. You are getting everything done that you need to, don't feel bad about that. At almost 2yr, O won't notice or care if he does a couple houses without you, especially after spending the afternoon with you. Like the other ladies said, I think your H is probably disappointed and he's going about it the wrong way.

mamaholmes2010 · October 2012

Thank you all for your support and ideas.

I think in general H has been feeling jealous about the time I spend on school/at school. While it is only one night a week the total course work is about 15-20 hours a week-which is a lot. I do 99% of my work at night after O has gone to bed-which has drastically reduced the time I spend alone with H. I think he is just mad that I won't be with him...again.

Some part of me is sympathetic about this and the other part feels like he knew what the deal was going to be when I started back at school. Working full time, caring for O, the house, and H and going to school part time is no picnic for me either.

kj07 · October 2012

mamaholmes2010:
Thank you all for your support and ideas.

I think in general H has been feeling jealous about the time I spend on school/at school. While it is only one night a week the total course work is about 15-20 hours a week-which is a lot. I do 99% of my work at night after O has gone to bed-which has drastically reduced the time I spend alone with H. I think he is just mad that I won't be with him...again.

Some part of me is sympathetic about this and the other part feels like he knew what the deal was going to be when I started back at school. Working full time, caring for O, the house, and H and going to school part time is no picnic for me either.

Sometimes knowing what you're getting into still doesn't adequately prepare you for the reality of what you got into. Kind of like how we all knew it was going to be hard being a parent, and then we had our kids and the reality of being a parent to a newborn b!tch-slapped us across the face and most of us burst into tears. Of course, we all got over it and learned to deal (for the most part) eventually.

Outside the overall stress you're feeling juggling everything on your plate (which sounds like a lot to me) are you missing the extra 1-on-1 time (or the extra 3-on3 time)? If so, maybe you and your H both plan to play hokey for an afternoon in the next few weeks and either have some relaxing grownup time or some leisurely family time.

stephy1221 · October 2012

I sm with you on this one. You"ll get to have hslloween with him and still fufill your obligations.

jarebearsmom · October 2012

I completely agree with everyone. I never went TOT growing up so it's totally NBd at my house. You'll still be with O and still be at school. Missing class just isn't an option

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