How long...

sharksfan · October 2012

...would you feel comfortable being away from your LOs? (Trying to keep the post title short for mobile users-it's really annoying to not know the entire post subject when on my phone) Here's the deal:

DH gets home from his deployment in December. He is a reservist that was activated in January and went overseas in April. From January to April I saw him about one weekend a month; I haven't seen him since April (other than on Skype). He really wants us to take a nice vacation when he gets back, and I'm all for it. We were originally going to go to Vancouver for a Sharks/Canucks game b/c we've been wanting to do that for years, and we've both always wanted to go there. Now that there is no hockey, we feel like we should do Canada in the summer instead. He now wants to go to South America. Cool, fun, great. He wants to go just the two of us...I have reservations. I am by no means a clingy parent-R sleeps at his grandparents' house about one night every week or two. But, when he does, I cannot wait to see him as soon as he gets back. The thought of being away from him for longer than a day or two kills me. I want time to reconnect with DH, and I think that will be super important for us...but I don't understand why we can't reconnect on a family vacation. Don't we need time to figure out how to be a family of 3 now since R was so young when he left?

Talk to me ladies, what are your thoughts?

blu-eyedwife · October 2012

I think right now, when he comes back it will be important for him to reconnect with R, not just run off. (and obviously I have no experience with this, so maybe I'm wrong.)

For me, regardless of the situation, I'd probably be more comfortable with a longer vacation if it didn't involve leaving the country. (And I'm not counting Canada/Mexico)

joolz17 · October 2012

I agree with Blu regarding reconnecting as a family. Can you suggest a long weekend to Napa just the two of you, followed by a longer trip together?

shediva1 · October 2012

I think once your DH comes home and sees a very interactive little boy he may not want to leave his side! I think the three of you should go together as a family and reconnect, like Blu, I don't know how it is to be in your shoes. If you feel like you can't be away for too long, cut the vacation to three to four nights.

Elsa1984 · October 2012

We left Gator for 4 to 5 days when she was five months. We got pictures and occasional video and although I missed her like crazy, it was SO NICE to have me time, and time with my other half. That being said, we live in WA and we were in NV, so if something happened, we were a short plane ride away. I don't think I could do out of the country without Gator.

But I agree with the PP, I would want to reconnect as a family of three and wouldn't want my SO to come home and then turn around and take off away from our LO. I would maybe do a three day weekend with SO and I and then the rest of the time I would want it to be the three of us as much as possible before he had to take off again.

aml+japan · October 2012

shediva1:
I think once your DH comes home and sees a very interactive little boy he may not want to leave his side!

This is what I'm thinking, too. Even though he knows your son through Skype, once he gets to hold him in the flesh there's probably no way he'll want to be separated just for a holiday. I do think there could be some man itch involved after being away from you for so long, and he's probably worried you won't have enough private time together. Plan a few days away together, then the rest can be family time.

cantalopes24 · October 2012

I personally get why he wants to go on vacation. He's been gone so long I think he needs a break before his life becomes bedtime and taking out the trash and I'm sure you need one too. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving the country but maybe 3 or 4 days a few hours away.

amyc216 · October 2012

joolz17:
I agree with Blu regarding reconnecting as a family. Can you suggest a long weekend to Napa just the two of you, followed by a longer trip together?

I like this idea too. A long weekend with just you two and then a big vacation as a family. A few weeks ago I left DS at home for 4 days while I went to Idaho and it was really sad. I never really enjoyed myself b/c my mind kept wandering to DS.

sharksfan · October 2012

Thanks for all the responses, ladies! You all said what I was basically thinking; I'm going to talk to him about a compromise. I don't think he's trying to be insensitive; I just don't think he feels the bond for R that I do, and I'm optimistic that will change once he physically holds him again.

kagl08 · October 2012

SuperDeDuper:
I do get why he'd want a vacation, but I don't get how someone who hasn't seen their child in 8 months would want to fly half way around the world without them for that vacation.nbsp; I'd be fine with taking a night or two away but I think that would be my limit.
Yes, it's really important that you learn how to be a family of 3 again.nbsp; If I'm reading your OP correctly your DHnbsp;will havenbsp;seen R and you 4 weekends in the past year by the time he returns.nbsp; It's time to reconnect as a family.nbsp; And yes, take a couple nights to reconnect as a couple too, but that doesn't have to be in South Africa.nbsp; JMO.

All of this. Exactly.

Fianschneid · October 2012

We did a long weekend in Vegas when DD was about 10 months old. Like PP said, we got the occassional photo message from the grandparents. After those three and a half days, we were all ready to see each other again.

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