So THAT'S how it feels

CafeAutumnMama · October 2012

I previously thought that I understood *that* feeling when someone posts about their pregnancy on facebook. I would feel a bit sad, ask "why not me?" and try to not get back on for the rest of the day. It hurt to see that, especially if the person got a bfp after I did. However, I just got on fb and a friend posted her most recent ultrasound pic of her baby which was absolutely beautiful and announced that she's having a girl. For some reason, this, even though she was pregnant before me, made me totally break down. I'm a mess right now. I thought I knew that feeling, but nope, this is it, that totally devastated, jealous, angry-at-myself-for-not-being-happy-for-them, aching sadness with lots of crying and heartache. My sadness has gradually gotten easier to control day by day, week by week, but on some days, and especially today, I feel like I'm moving so far backward. Suddenly in my mind I'm back in the bathroom gushing blood and moaning and sobbing to my husband that our baby is leaving. Is it better to feel this pain or to find a way to numb it all? Today hurts so much. I hope those who haven't been affected by other people's babies/pregnancies online or IRL don't ever have to go through this particular experience. It hurts more than I expected it to

Side note: I have always had a weird sense about babies and I've guessed at least 20 babies genders correctly and honestly never guessed even 1 wrong(until today). I've known a few times known when someone is pregnant well before they announce or are anywhere near showing. I just have never been wrong about it and I really have no idea why, but I liked always being the one to guess right. I just knew my baby was a girl. Dh and I both did immediately and we said "she" and "her" when talking and named her before I knew I would miscarry. However, with the friend who just announced the gender, I was totally wrong. This might sound really stupid, but it hit me super hard. I've been guessing genders since I was 10 and have never once before been wrong! If I'm wrong now, what if I'm wrong about my own baby??? I feel so upset with this and hope I'm not coming off as too dramatic, but for me it's a really big deal right now. I just wish I knew with evidence that my baby was a girl. Now I feel like a total fake, even though I know the feelings that I had with my baby were legitimate, I don't know if I was actually right. I just can't imagine my baby as anything different! Does everything I know to be true have to be challenged? This is a rough day for sure.

LLPtobe · October 2012

Big (((hugs)))!!! I'm sorry you had to discover how truly awfult it can be, but we have all been there.

luciddreamer106 · October 2012

I'm sorry you're having a rough day. I've definitely had days like that and it's never easy.

NJMom050911 · October 2012

I'm so sorry this announcement hit your harder than the others. I stopped going on FB for this reason, I only go on to my May 2011 Secret FB Group.

I think your run with guessing gender was good! I believe that if you had a feeling your baby was a girl, she was! And who knows maybe when this baby is born (your friends baby) it will be a boy after all.

OmaCo · October 2012

I'm sorry! I've come to hate the FB gut punch.

cekelly11 · October 2012

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, I also "knew" that my baby was a girl even though we never found out, I still refer to the baby as a girl because in my heart thats what I feel and thats all that matters

AmeliaKris · October 2012

Sorry you are having a tough day. Hugs to you!!

km_md · October 2012

((hugs)) I am sorry that you know how that feels. But it is completely normal to feel like you are making progress and then going backwards. I have this happen to me all of the time. Overall, I am much better now than I was even a few weeks ago, but I have days when I still feel like my heart is breaking and I just want to lay in bed and not come out.

RedPhoenix625 · October 2012

So many hugs coming your way. The announcements suck. I don't know if it has gotten any easier for me over time, but I at least don't break down every time now. I still hurt though, each and every time. It is hard to accept and understand the conflicting feelings and reactions you have to another's pregnancy. But we've all been there. We know.

I can empathize about wanting to know your baby's sex. I don't know any of mine, and I really wish I did. I think it would help me to think of them as people, and I would love to be able to call them sons and daughters. I'm so sorry you are having a rough time right now. Thinking of you.

Ktbug613 · October 2012

huge hugs!!! I definitely know the feeling. I had to deal with the exact same thing this week I'm so sorry

CafeAutumnMama · October 2012

Thank you. That really helped to think of it as more of a continuum. I am trying to honor that feeling like you said, I don't have much else to hold on to and it is important to me

CafeAutumnMama · October 2012

You know what, I had the exact same thought. I'm probably pretty mean for hoping this, because now they're planning for a daughter, but I'm like "come on! Let it be a boy after all!!!"

CafeAutumnMama · October 2012

You're right, all that should matter is what's in my heart. I'm trying to keep that in mind, thank you

I'm sorry you lost your baby girl. Thanks for telling me your experience with the "knowing"

CafeAutumnMama · October 2012

Thank you all for your support and encouragement and hugs! I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you all. I hope you didn't think I was ignoring you!

Also,my last 2 replies got messed up I see, probably my fault, sorry. 1st was responding to Erin H, second to NJmom, and 3rd to cekelly11.

I'm definitely more at peace with everything now, but it did take me a while to settle down because it took me by surprise. Thanks for all your understanding. As far as the gender thing, you guys are right and I felt in my heart that she was a girl, so did DH, and we're just going to have to not doubt it because what other choice is there? I checked out a Chinese gender prediction chart on a few websites and every single one predicts a girl, so I know those things are pretty ridiculous, but it got me back to normal today Thanks again guys!

(((HUGE HUGS!)))

RedPhoenix625 · October 2012

CafeAutumnMama:
Thank you all for your support and encouragement and hugs! I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you all. I hope you didn't think I was ignoring you!
Also,my last 2 replies got messed up I see, probably my fault, sorry. 1st was responding to Erin H, second to NJmom, and 3rd to cekelly11.
I'm definitely more at peace with everything now, but it did take me a while to settle down because it took me by surprise. Thanks for all your understanding. As far as the gender thing, you guys are right and I felt in my heart that she was a girl, so did DH, and we're just going to have to not doubt it because what other choice is there? I checked out a Chinese gender prediction chart on a few websites and every single one predicts a girl, so I know those things are pretty ridiculous, but it got me back to normal today Thanks again guys!
(((HUGE HUGS!)))

FYI - If you press the "quote" button at the bottom of a post, it will insert the text of that post into your reply (like this one did). That's your bump tip of the day

Want a personalized experience?

So THAT'S how it feels

Re: So THAT'S how it feels

Choose Another Board

Search Boards