Question for STM...or 3rd, or so...

MrsJelly · October 2012

Hi!

I am a FTM and so excited I can't contain it!!

I am just wondering your opinions & reasons for people with you in the delivery room.

My initial thought is I want JUST my DH there...however, I feel like he might pass out lol...so I've realized I REALLY want my Mom with me too! (She has been with my sister for all SIX of her deliveries and is apparently a great labour coach...she should be after having 5 of her own lol!)

So now I will have 2 people there...I am throwing the idea around of a Doula, but is that just TOO MANY people? I've never been in labour before, sooo it's kind of hard to think what I will want or need so any advice would be greatly appreciated!? Oh...also, the Doula I'm considering would be my sister-in-law who I am super close with and she is wanting to work towards becoming a midwife.

Am I crazy for wanting 3 people there??

Lovemyflightmedic18 · October 2012

No you aren't crazy. You just need to do what is comfortable for you. This my third child and I will have 4 people in the room. My DH who is delivering DS with my OB, my mil, my sil and one of my close friends. I have had 3-4 people in he room at the previous deliveries.

katsue0xo · October 2012

I had my DH, as well as my SIL for my first baby. My SIL and I were very close- she is more like a sister- and I needed that positive energy. DH and my midwife were my main coaches- but having my SIL there brought a calm to me. If you are comfortable with those people, that is really what matters most. Though, if you mom is a great labor coach, you may not need a doula. Good luck!

wifeofadam · October 2012

I think having a support team is important, so anyone you feel you need there should be there. With #1 I had DH, my mom and MIL there for pushing. I also had sisters and friends come in and out during labor. With #2 I had my DH, doula, BFF, and mom. MIL would have been there too, but she missed the call and everything happened so fast that she never made it.

#3 was a homebirth and in the room I had DH, three midwives, my mom, MIL, BFF, two of my sisters, and my SIL. People think I'm crazy for allowing so many people, but I view the birth as a celebration and I figure that the more there the merrier. As long as they are helpful during labor, make some food, do some laundry, or get me what I need, I don't care if they hang out. I love the fact that when my babies are born they are welcomed by a room full of people who love them and are really excited to meet them. The noise level when DD was born was out of control with happy yells and cries. You would think someone just won the lottery or something (which I guess I sort of feel like I did)

sschwege · October 2012

My thinking is as long as your support people are people that you feel totally comfortable around, then go for it! I've always known that I wanted at least one other person in the room besides DH. I think it works well because it takes some pressure off of him and allows him to get a break or have someone fetch this or that so he doesn't have to leave me. Plus he is Type 1 Diabetic and I really wanted someone else there who could remind him to check his blood sugar, get him food if needed, etc.

Last time it was DH and MIL. Which worked beautifully. This time it will be DH and my mother.

I think your plan sounds great!

NydaP · October 2012

During my first labor I had my husband, mom, dad, and sister in the room. Only my husband stayed for the pushing phase. I enjoyed having their company because it helped distract me from the contractions. As a matter of fact, there were times that my husband would ask if I was feeling anything because he was watching the contractions on the monitor. I was busy talking so the labor went by quickly.

My second labor was a bit different. It was much more painful than my first and it was virtually impossible to distract me. The more people in my room, the more annoyed I got. It was just my husband and the nurses but my husband felt like he needed backup so he called my dad in. They both stayed for the pushing and my dad turned out to be a great coach.

I like having a few people in the room during the labor and then just my husband for the pushing. I don't think 3 people is too much.

nosoup4u · October 2012

Whatever you want is fine. I had DH, my doula and my mom at my first, and my mom drove me sorta crazy for most of it (she showed up when I was pushing). With my second labor, it was DH, my doula and 5,000 other people (nurses, MW - teaching hospital), but not my mom, so it was okay.

Would your mom be offended if you end up kicking her out? If not, then I would invite her, but let her know you might change your mind...

oliversmommy32912 · October 2012

I had DH, my SIL, my MIL, my mom, my sister, and my doula. Plus several nurses and a midwife. lol. I didn't really care. I was too focused on what I was doing. Then again, I also was only at the hospital for about an hour before DS was born so I was so far gone that President Obama could have been in the room and I would not have noticed or cared. I say do whatever feels right but also give everyone who is in the room a disclaimer that you may kick them all out when it comes down to it. My guess is that if you're considering having so many people in the room you might be the kind of person who needs that kind of support.

KateLouise · October 2012

I def don't think that's too many people and it really is a matter of personal preference.

I've only had DH in the room for both my labours, but more and more I'm thinking about having my parents there for the next one. not because I need them there, but because I'd like to share the moment with them. (whether they want to be there is a whole other issue :-)

Do what feels best to you.

Irisheyes1247 · October 2012

I labored mostly at my house, so my parents, sister and MIL were there for both girls, plus DH. Once we got to the hospital and were pushing, DH and my mom stayed. I don't think 3 people is crazy. I thought about a doula with DD2, but I just changed my mind. You don't know what you are going to want or need in that moment, so if you are questioning it now, you always have the right to ask someone to step out.

AmyRI · October 2012

I only had DH in the room with me, but my situation was very different from yours. We were not interested in a doula, and the only local family that would want to be there was my mother. And my mother, while being very pro-NB, is not the kind of support person I wanted there. She is very set in her thinking, can't be persuaded by research, and would have guilted me forever about any and all interventions if I had needed or wanted them. Just me and DH worked great for us.

In your situation, I don't think 3 is too many. They will all be there to support you. If you're comfortable having them, I don't see it as a problem. Maybe tell them that if it gets too overwhelming with 3 + hospital staff, not to be offended if you kick your mom or SIL out. (you could offer them to take shifts instead).

Also, ask your hospital what their policy is. My hospital only allows 2 support people (that get hospital bracelets for access, so 3 couldn't work in shifts).

aylafsu88 · October 2012

Go with what you feel comfortable with! Remember you will be in your birthday suit and in pain, so make sure the people around you are ones you are 100% comfortable with. For my birth I had my DH, my doula, and my mom. For me it was the right amount of people. My DH and doula took the leading roles to support me during contractions and pushing. My mom was there because it meant a lot to her and I wanted her to be apart of my LOs birth. I did not have my MIL or SIL there because I am not comfortable with them in them in such an intimate/personal setting.

PansyPants · October 2012

You're not crazy at all.

You'll find that during labor different people will be helpful at different times. I had a doula and my DH but I also consider my second labor nurse to have been a HUGE part of my labor team. If I could hire her to personally be my labor nurse for every birth, I would.

I needed my husband at first to help me stay calm and relaxed, to make me feel like nothing out of the ordinary was going on. We watched movies and hung out and just let things happen all while he very lovingly encouraged me to sit on the yoga ball or to eat more before going to the hospital.

I needed my doula when things really picked up, I needed her experience with massage and with guiding women through the point when things go from easy to truly becoming work.

I needed my labor nurse when she used her experience with know how to assist an squating birther, I needed her when she connected her energy and strength to me and was roaring and grunting to help me vocalize while I pushed. I needed her when she looked at me and said that I had to have my son immediately and not to stop pushing until he was out.

Labor can be long (mine was 17 hours) and different people will trade off to help and encourage you when they're gift is needed. Having three people isn't a lot and it's certainly not crazy.

mAnYaSha · October 2012

Just keep in mind that you can always ask the extra people to wait outside if it gets too much.

With DS#1 it was just DH.

This time besides the midwifes it will be DH and a lady shooting documentary. My MIL and DS #1 might or might not be there, depending on day of the week and how things go. I am not planning on MIL being in the room for pushing, but I guess it will go how it will go.

abell77 · October 2012

It's a very personal decision, so there is no one right answer. All I would say is to make sure that the people you ask to be with you will be supportive of your desire for a natural birth. Explain with specific examples to them what this means to you. I really wanted my mom to be in the room, but I needed to have a straightforward conversation with her beforehand to ask her to please refrain from expressing any doubts or concerns she had with my desire for a natural birth. In a way I wanted my mom to be there as an observer, where I needed my husband to be there as an active participant. So just make sure you decide ahead of time what role you want each person to play, and be sure that is communicated to them ahead of time so that there is no confusion or conflict. Lastly, know that it is perfectly fine to not call other family and friends until after the baby is born. Some may get their feathers ruffled, but it's your birth!

Good Luck!

MrsJelly · October 2012

nosoup4u:
Whatever you want is fine. I had DH, my doula and my mom at my first, and my mom drove me sorta crazy for most of it (she showed up when I was pushing). With my second labor, it was DH, my doula and 5,000 other people (nurses, MW - teaching hospital), but not my mom, so it was okay.
Would your mom be offended if you end up kicking her out? If not, then I would invite her, but let her know you might change your mind...

I think it might hurt her feelings if I kicked her out...but she's the type of person that would just respect my feelings and quietly go. However, I really don't see wanting her to leave. I'm 26 years old and to this day whenever I am hurt or sick or anything of the sort I WANT MY MOMMY!! lol!! So I'm sure I will need her there! But good point!
My SIL is awesome and we think a lot alike, and my DH is amazing...but totally freaked out by the process & he gets along great with both my Mom and SIL so they will be able to support him so he can better support me too I think?

Lots of good advice from everyone! Thanks!

MrsJelly · October 2012

Read through the rest of the comments...great input! Thank you so much!

I'm feeling like I need my SIL in there more now! LoL!

I am typically VERY independent & confident in things and just go for them on my own...but bringing a little person into the world is a huge deal and I REALLY want to stay drug free and do this all natural!! So I feel like my Mom & SIL will be great support because they are both very PRO natural birth. My SIL had 3 of her 4 at home...the 1st only had to go to the hospital because of complications, but still delivered by her midwife - med free! So I feel like they will be awesome encouragement when/if I doubt my decision.
My DH is awesome and supportive as well, but like I said, he's a first timer too and we are nervous so I think their experience will really help us keep it together and go really well!! I'm so excited now.
Besides the labour coaching side of it we are all very close and get along fabulously so it will be awesome to share this little bundles arrival with them!

Thank you so much! You are all so encouraging!!

Jenilyn and Matthew · October 2012

You're not crazy. I had 3 in the room with me, as well as the doctor and two nurses. It didn't seem crowded really. I had DH (given), my mom (given) and two days before delivery I asked my SIL to join us. She always acted the most excited about having a niece, and having no sisters I thought she might like to be in the room, even if she didn't watch or participate. It was great having the three of them, because my mom was super encouraging, and SIL was able to focus and take some really great pictures for us without being caught up in being a "support" person.

However many people you feel will make you comfortable is how many you should have. You can always scale it back if you feel you need more privacy.

mrsodonnell12 · October 2012

I will be having my husband, a close friend who is a photogrpher and a doula. If we have the birthing center in the hospital, we will invite both sets of parents and my son will come with (there is a separate "family room" that they can hang out in).

It is all about what you feel comfortable with. If you think 3 is too many people..... I wuold skip having your mom in there and have your doula in there. Or have your mom there, but not in the room until you feel you really want her in there. Just make sure you inform her of this if you go this route.

brennarobbie · October 2012

You're not crazy - just keep in mind that you might change your mind when you're actually there. Make your hubby and your mom aware of that too "I know right now I want you there, but bare with me."

When we got to the hospital, my hubby, MIL, and my sister were all in the room, and I felt like I was the entertainment. So I nicely kicked sister and MIL out. It was very intimate with just me and my hubby. Many times our sweet L&D nurse tried to stay for a while, but she got the hint that I didn't want her there. She would check on us and then get out! ;o)

You just have to stay flexible because you don't know now what you're going to want when it's happening. )

Want a personalized experience?

Question for STM...or 3rd, or so...

Re: Question for STM...or 3rd, or so...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards