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September 2011 Moms
missbrightside10
member
Making friends
missbrightside10
member
Do you think you are good at making friends? I'm in a moms group and MOPS but have yet to really make a connection outside the group. Meaning, I go to playdates and events but never get asked to hang out outside the groups (I hope this makes sense). I want so badly to make closer friendships with other moms but I am so painfully shy and wary of women since I have been badly burned in the past. I miss having a best friend to talk to about everything. I know I close myself off and I really want to open up but I am scared. I don't know how to break out of my shell 
I sound pretty pathetic huh?!
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Re: Making friends
I am not great at making friends - especially Mom friends..the moms around here are so cold and snobby. Happen to be in the Philly burb area??
My only advice for making friends is to try to be confident and comfortable. Make a joke and be calm. Moms obviously love talking about their children - so ask questions, it will lead into further convo for sure.
GL!
I don't think you sound pathetic at all. I'm a lot like you. I'm not good at making new friends.
I'm shy, quiet, and introverted so it's really hard to put myself out there.
My best friend is really good at making friends. She's moved a few times and always has new friends where ever she lives. I really envy that ability.
Not pathetic at all!!! I am the same exact way. I say you keep doing what you are doing. My dad always told me " let your friends choose you". I hated that because I thought so highly of a lot of people and was hoping they thought highly of me back! but it was always a kinda stale mate.
I bet when you least expect it the bff of your dreams will come waltzing in with a craft, marg, and a big texas star!! Good things are meant for you missbrightside!!
Oh! and if it is any consolation, I have a very hard time making friends. Just today I sounded like a complete idiot talking to another mom... I doubt we will be going to play groups together in the future
I am terrible at making friends. I hate groups of women, i feel like I am automatically out. I am actually pretty good one on one but its impossible to get there in a group. Which is why i am not joined a moms group.
Was this group already established when you joined?
Are there any outings that involve wine?
My advice is to keep an eye out for another mom in your group that might feel similar to you. Someone who doesn't join into the conversation as much, maybe spends more time playing with the kids to feel less awkward, or doesn't get listened to when she says something. That mom is your in. I'll bet she's there somewhere. Sit next to her and when she talks make sure you listen, compliment her kid, her shoes, whatever.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself either. You don't have to make a best friend here, but a friend might be nice.
And if you ever need a girl to talk to, I know the ladies on this forum and the fb page all really like you. Feel free to pm me or anyone else.
I'm in Texas but if I was in your area, we'd definitely hang out!
Talking about kids is always easy. I just need to start more conversations rather than blending in.
It is an established group. Plus a bunch of them all go to the same church so it makes sense that they hang out a lot outside the group.
And thanks
If only we could all hang out! I am buddies with some of the FB ladies in my area but we are not close so we can't hang out often.
You and I sound so much alike! I just recently made a friend at work, but only because she was outgoing and took the chance to invite me to the pumpkin patch.. I would have never in a million years done it myself. Although, I would want to.
That is partly why I haven't gone to more moms groups... I just know I would sit alone in a corner playing with G
Ive never known how to break out of that shell.. but I wish you luck in doing so.
"What did my fingers do before they held you? What did my heart do with it's love?"
Can you find a new group? I think normal women who don't have problems making friends do not get what its like to join a group where your the new person and therefore make no effort to open their circle a little wider.
I've thought about it. There is another moms group in my area but not many kids Max's age. I just joined MOPS so I am still getting to know everyone. There are a handful of new members so maybe I'll band together with them.
What do you do or do not do at the play dates that makes you think you come off awkward? I think I know what you mean.. I feel the same way. I know I am well liked and everyone loovvveeesss Bowen, but when it comes to conversations outside of being a mom it goes nowhere; i spoke with a mom graduate school last week and thought it went great! Today she did not say hi... Hmmmm??? I was too busy watching Bowen play with the toys anyway to say Hi????
Today there was another mom who invited me to a play date a few weeks back! I was soo excited but missed it because Bo had slept in and I was not about to wake him up! weeks past and I just saw her today at book babies. I jokingly said " I am sorry we missed the play date! I know you have been worried about me this entire time" ( I said that because I did not have her number to call and let her know i would not be there)! Anyway, she said " not worried at all stuff comes up". Sooo stale mate. It is like I try to joke and nobody gets me... or i come across as flighty or hyper. It is super hard for me to meet a person that sees yes, I can be those things.. but also the contrast too!
I feel very vulnerable when in a group of moms, at a wine tasting, or speaking with peers from my cohort... Speaking to people in general makes me nervous.. did I represent myself well? did I represent my family well? Would Bowen be proud to have *me* as his mom? It is quite a grueling experience in my head
I'm terrible at making friends too. I have some good friends from high school and college that I still talk to, but a lot of them don't live in our home town anymore and I myself just moved away...to a new huge city where I don't know many people, none in my direct area. I'm sorry, I have no advice, all I can do is commiserate.
I'm in Texas!
I'm so sorry you feel that way! I haven't always been good at making friends but being a SAHM now I have no choice but to speak to people I see out or I would never have an adult to talk to all week! I talk to moms at the park, putting your LO in a swing near someone else always helps! A nice smile and "hi" or "hello" goes a long way to start a convo. Most women are in your same boat and dying to make another mom friend also!
At a playdate I made great friends w/ another mom who just moved up from GA. She noticed I nursed Owen so mentioned how great she thought it was that I still do and that she tries to nurse her kids (she has 4) til 2. So right there I knew we had one thing in common. When leaving I asked if she might want to get together with her boys and Owen for our own playdate and now we see each other every week! I am so happy I took that chance!
It takes a major conscience effort on my part, but it is worth it. Even now, there is a woman with a son near Owens age I am dying to set up a playdate with but need to work up the nerve. We only have 1 or 2 more swim lessons (today being one) so I have a limited time! wish me luck!
I just replied to Beca's post but wanted to add 2 cents here. I totally am in your boat about making friends and it is hard to make new close friends without a bit more of a connection then "are kids are same age" at least that is my experience. I've found 2 so far but that has taken me 13 months
I am an introvert and shy and am just having to force myself to join things and get out there for me and for N. I set small goals (go to one thing a week or every 2wks) and talk to one person etc.
ETA: I also figure other mums are waiting to be asked so I'll never know if I don't say "hey would you want to meetup at library or whatevs" and so far it has worked out.
I don't even know where to meet the other moms! I'm not involved in a mom's group (they only meet during the week) or other type of baby activity. I thought I met a nice mom at our baby swim class, but she never called
.
It's rough. I really wish I had more mom friends.
I agree with this. Our neighbors are around our age and have a baby about G's age. When we moved in we thought great we can make friends! Except we have nothing in common except the kids. There's only so long you can compare milestones and talk about lack of sleep.