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Separation Anxiety

NiniJBNiniJB
in Babies: 6 - 9 Months

My DS is 8 1/2 months old. I am a SAHM, and most of the time it is just he and I at home every day. We have an amazing connection and I love that, but he is virtually unable to interact with anyone else because he has such bad separation anxiety. We went to my parent's on Sunday and he cried the entire time we were there, unless I was holding him. I tried sitting and playing with him, and then going into the kitchen, still in view, and he would lose it. My parent's and brother's would try playing with him, holding him, taking him outside, and he screamed like he was being stabbed. My dad in particular has been making me feel like there is something wrong with him, or that I am doing something wrong. 

He has been like this almost his whole life. He started really having separation anxiety at around 4 months, and it has only increased from there. I make it a point to leave him with my husband or someone else for at least a couple hours a week, but it doesn't seem anything I do makes it any easier on him, or on anyone else. If anyone has any tips that would be great, but I would also just like to know that I'm not doing anything wrong, and that eventually he will be able to be away from me and know that he is safe and I will always come back. It hurts me that he gets so upset, and it also hurts me that my family and friends feel they can't interact with him. I know this is just a phase, and that at some point he will outgrow this, (and at some point he will be a teenager and want nothing to do with me) but I worry sometimes that I am doing something to exacerbate the problem.

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Re: Separation Anxiety

  • MollySmMollySm member
    I'm sorry this is so stressful for you! We have had the same problems with separation anxiety, and I know that it can be hard, especially when well meaning people just want to form a relationship with your child!

    It is definitely a developmental stage, so not something you have done to him. But there are things you can try to help him move through it(rather than reinforcing the idea that other people are bad). Leaving him with your H or babysitter each week is a start. We did it with Lucia's Gramma, and it was tough at first but slowly got better. Making sure that when you see people you are friendly and open, so he sees from you that it's not scary. And then maybe playdates, or story time at the library, or something where you are around other people on a regular basis. And as far as you being able to walk away, I think that just takes practice. We go to the library, and I make it a point to sit behind Lucia, but not touching her. At home I sometimes have to walk into the kitchen or the bathroom and I don't always take her with me. Just practice.

    Good luck! As long as you don't just let him stay home and never be around people, it will get better!
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    BFP 3.8.16  EDD 11.20.16

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  • NiniJBNiniJB
    Thank you. We do go to the library for story time every week, and he loves it. He loves the other babies and kids, and he does extremely well, crawling around and interacting. When we have friends over after story time, he will play with them and be fine with me not holding him, as long as we are in our own house. It seems like most of the time, it is worst when we are in other people's houses, particularly my parent's house. Sometimes I wonder if it is some anxiety he is feeling off of them, because they are expecting him to cry and be miserable around them. Maybe it is me though, also expecting the same thing. 
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  • MollySmMollySm member
    Maybe he knows that at your parents house they will try and hold him?  And/or that you will try and leave?  Whereas on playdates the other grown ups don't pick him up and you stick around.  Not that that solves anything, but it might be the reason?
    BabyFruit Ticker

    BFP 3.8.16  EDD 11.20.16

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  • treble_cleftreble_clef member

    My son was just like your son, so I understand exactly how you feel.  He was actually worse...he had social anxiety too.  

    It's hard not being able to see him happy with your family, but you just have to take it slow, I think.  I tried to push my son away because people told me he had to get him used to it, but the more I pushed him away, the worse he got.  So I decided to let him be with me.  We still went out a lot, but I held him all the time.  It was hard for my back, lol!, but he gradually got better.  Now my son is still a mommy's boy, but very sociable, and he is comfortable and confident around many different types of people. He is thriving at school.


    m/c - Dec 2005, DS - March 27, 2007, m/c - Oct 2009, DD - Feb 20, 2012

    Proud mother of two breech babies:)

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