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What do you think of this time sharing schedule?

dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member
in Blended Families

As you may recall I live 1.5 hours away from BD.  My son just turned 3.  We met for mediation and we both proposed similar schedules but couldn't come to a final agreement so most likely we are headed to court.  However after a day to reflect on it I don't want to fight anymore.  I proposed to him what he wanted almost exactly.  Not sure if he will accept it or not.  It would be every other Weds evening to Sunday morning.  He has Fridays off work and Thursday DS would stay with BD's mom.

Does that seem reasonable? 

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Re: What do you think of this time sharing schedule?

  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Yes it is reasonable for now.  But you need to decide if this will be written "until child starts school" (and decide if school means Kindergarten or preschool) or decide exactly how it will change when DS starts school so that you do not need to go back through this again.  Oh, and make sure you state exactly who does what driving and from what is written below I would suggest that it that the parent picks up at the start of their parenting time.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    It does seem somewhat reasonable except for a few things.  When it's not BD's weekend with DS, your son will be going 9 days without seeing his dad.  Is there a way to schedule something for that week that DS isn't with him?  Like a dinner visit or midday Friday since BD is off work?  Secondly, once your son starts school, this schedule obviously won't work due to the distance.  Maybe start planning something for when school starts.

    I would like to applaud you for trying to come to an agreement on a schedule.  I know this journey has been really difficult for you and that there have been a lot of hurt feelings and resentment.  I think the Wednesday-Sunday is a great idea, with a little tweaking.

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  • OoglybearOoglybear member

    I think you need to take school into consideration. I wouldn't start a schedule that will only last a year or two before you have to go back through the mediation/court process again. If you agree to that schedule, I would definitely state that it is only until school starts as Jen suggested. And you might as well try to agree on and include the schedule for when school starts.

     

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  • twister22twister22 member

    It sounds like you're giving BD roughly 3.5 days, although BD will be at work for one of the days. Why not propose Thursday evening to Sunday evening instead. Even though it is less time hours wise, it would give BD more quality time with DS. However, I'm assuming that he has Sundays off work. If he doesn't, then disregard what I said.

     I agree with jobalchak, why not try to schedule a dinner visit on the weeks that BD doesn't have DS? If you are the CP then it may be fair to request that BD both picks up and drops off during that time, as he would likely want to stay local (near you) during that time to make the most of the visit. 

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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    What about giving him every Friday since that's his day off?  He could pick him up and keep him all day until you get him back, say after dinner?  That way DS isn't going more than a week without seeing his dad, and you're not really giving up time (assuming you would be working and DS would be with a baby-sitter).

    Just a suggestion.  Glad to see you are continuing to work on things and trying to be reasonable for your kiddo's sake.  I know it can be really hard!

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member

    Maybe I'm mean, but there's no way I would drive an hour and a half for my child to have a "dinner" date like some posters are suggesting. If anything, I would suggest an overnight on Thursday night so that BD could have him Thursday night to Friday night on those "off" weeks and then you would still get him for the weekend and that way it's at least worth the drive. The driving involved in that would nearly be as much time as spent with the child otherwise.

     I would also suggest building out the changes in visitation once school starts so that it doesn't have to be revisited again so soon.

     

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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  • FormerlyAKFormerlyAK
    While the schedule doesn't seem bad now, it might suck when your son is in school. Ex and I divorced when our ds was your son's age and we have had the same schedule since the day he moved out. The good thing in that is ds is now 6 and he knows that schedule very well and is used to it and that helps when he starts a new school year or a new sport or whatever -- the schedule and which parent is there is consistent. I'd try and come up with something that will work longer than a year or two -- otherwise your ds will just be getting used to it and it will change.
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  • KTdiditKTdidit member
    That is a very similar situation to mine. My son is 2.5, his dad lives 1.5hrs away, but he only goes every 4 weeks Wed-Sun. So it sounds very reasonable. Make sure you get the transportation arrangement in writing
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  • KTdiditKTdidit member
    And I do agree with everyone in stipulating that it only applies until school starts, then you should have an agreement for that time also
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  • katie_cjkatie_cj member

    What about school?

    School starts at the age of 4 here, so I wouldn't agree to that.

    My ex lives 3 hours away and he gets Jake every other week-end, every other holiday, and two weeks in the summer. 

     

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  • hopankahopanka member
    I think in this situation, anything other than EOWE is nonsense. Dinner dates? School day pick ups? He lives 1.5hrs away! Is he going to be shlepping him this distance every day to preschool? I get that you are trying to mediate and compromise, but its not in your childs best interest to agree to craziness. You simply live too far away. Be genereous with summers and holidays, but during school year you should keep it simple. Plus, kids thrive on consistency, like AK said. If you have the same, simple schedule for the next decade and a half, it'll work out for the best.
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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member

    Thank you all for your suggestions.  I really appreciate the feed back!  I'm not planning to send my son to kindergarten until he is almost six so at least we would have this schedule for about 2.5 years.  And I don't mind if he misses 4 days a month of preschool.  He will have a good time with his grandparents or dad on those days. He hasn't agreed or responded yet so we'll see what happens.  Seems like instead of taking this he just wants to take his chances with a judge. 

     

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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member
    I assume once he starts kindergarten the schedule would need to be EOWE and maybe a dinner visit on the off weeks?
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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member
    imagetwister22:

    It sounds like you're giving BD roughly 3.5 days, although BD will be at work for one of the days. Why not propose Thursday evening to Sunday evening instead. Even though it is less time hours wise, it would give BD more quality time with DS. However, I'm assuming that he has Sundays off work. If he doesn't, then disregard what I said.

     I agree with jobalchak, why not try to schedule a dinner visit on the weeks that BD doesn't have DS? If you are the CP then it may be fair to request that BD both picks up and drops off during that time, as he would likely want to stay local (near you) during that time to make the most of the visit. 

    In the mediation I offered the Thursday evening to Sunday evening schedule and he continued to insist on starting on Wednesday.  I'm flexible at this point.  If he came back and asked for more time on Sunday I would do it just to get this over with...I'm so tired of waiting and fighting.

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