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3rd Trimester
mejane123
member
STMs if your kid tries dinner but hates it
mejane123
member
I made this new pasta sauce tonight that I thought was really good, but DH didn't care for it. He tried some of it before we sat down to eat, said he didn't like it, and asked if I minded if he just put regular sauce on his pasta. It's not that big a deal, I just microwaved some tomato sauce for a minute and it was done.
My question is, once our kiddos are old enough to say what they like and don't like, is it acceptable to offer a different option if they try a new food at dinner and don't like it?
I told DH that I won't do this for our children, but it got me wondering if it's really that unreasonable if they give a new food a legitimate try. I can't remember how my parents handled this, but I've never been really picky so I don't know that it was that much of an issue for me.
Thoughts?
My question is, once our kiddos are old enough to say what they like and don't like, is it acceptable to offer a different option if they try a new food at dinner and don't like it?
I told DH that I won't do this for our children, but it got me wondering if it's really that unreasonable if they give a new food a legitimate try. I can't remember how my parents handled this, but I've never been really picky so I don't know that it was that much of an issue for me.
Thoughts?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: STMs if your kid tries dinner but hates it
Our first family photo!
JHB 1/19/09
Baby girl due 11/22/12!
JHB 1/19/09
Baby girl due 11/22/12!
Not a STM but I have a firm grasp (at least I think I do, for now anyways) on how I will handle this. Kids want options, they like to have the "ball in their court." So I figured that I will provide 2 options for my kids to choose from. I can see an ideal situation going something like this: kid: "I don't like peas." Mom: "okay, you can either have peas or carrots, but you have to pick 1." I think that by providing options for little ones helps them sort out their rebellious phases a little more pleasently. I can remember my aunt making 3 completely different dinners for her kids because the two wouldn't want the same things and she and her husband would eat something else. To say the least, they are the pickiest adults EVER. It's really annoying to have them over for dinner. I think that there will be a few times when kids don't get an option, but I think it's better to empower them to choose healthy options that I have provided rather than put up a fight from step 1 for not wanting to eat what I've made. For the record, we usually have 2 veggies a night with dinner anyways, so things like this won't be an issue for choosing. I think that is the only thing I will allow for options for.
To me it's been all about offering lots of different foods often, and I haven't had too much of an issue. I won't make them "kid food" either, we all eat the same thing, so I think they must be used to it?
I can only think of a few things they just don't like: Chilli, some types of stew/soup, and anything really spicy.
I like this idea, and the five bites one. I think that's how my parents dealt with me, actually. But yeah, I can see veggies being the biggest problem.
This is how I am with my cousins. The one will ONLY eat burgers, and his mother caters to it to the point where if we're going out to dinner as a family, a good 8 or 10 of us, we can't go anywhere unless they have burgers as an option. My other cousin used to be bad with this, but she's gotten better. But when they come into the restaurant where I work, I tell the one that we're out of cheeseburgers, obviously joking, so he's got to try something else. Picky kids get on my nerves only when the parents continue to cater to them like this. It's one thing if they try something and simply don't have a taste for it, but he will not try anything else and she just goes with it.
Honestly in that situation I see nothing wrong with what you did. I would have done the same. They were still eating the pasta dinner, you did not have to make anything new.
DS1 doesn't really like red sauce so when we have spaghetti etc.. I'll just melt some butter and garlic on his. But he doesn't get a whole new meal. He eats in lasagna or pizza but not on spaghetti. He always tries everything though.
My kids in general eat very well. I made their baby food which I think helps so they have always had fruits and veggies as they taste, nothing added.
We have always implemented since they joined the table that they eat what we eat nothing else. I may make minor modifications so it's easier for them to eat or give DS1 a little more veggies and DS2 a little more meat because that is what they prefer. As long as they try everything on their plate they don't have to eat it if they don't want. They don't complain, I make one dinner, and we honestly do not have food struggles in our home.
Natural M/c 12/13/08 at 8w5d
DS has to try everything. If he really doesn't like it, then he can choose not to eat it. He is really good with trying new food, so if he says he doesn't like, he doesn't. If it were pasta I would just take some without sauce and have him put parm and butter on it. My nephew is really bad with trying new food, he will even make himself puke so he doesn't have to eat it. BIL and SIL started making him clean up his own puke if he does that. He still goes crazy with trying things, but it's progress for them. BIL is super picky though, it might just be how he is.
Also if DS is full I never never never tell him he has to finish all of his food, that is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. He knows when he's hungry. If he has a lot left on his plate I put it in the fridge for later. When he asks for a snack (he gets one every night before bed) I will try to get him to eat some of that.
For me, it was soggy breadlike sloppy joes or french dip sandwiches. I'd gag at the texture. So when my mom made those things, I could either eat the filling sans bun, my mom would make a pbj, or once I got old enough, I could make myself something else.
I thought that was a reasonable approach that accounted for genuine dislike of a particular food which is true even of most adults I know, and we will probably do something similar as our kids get older.
It is tricky! DS will say he wants "this food" and then when he sits down he "doesn't like this food." I just make healthier versions of his favorites and incorporate veggies in where I can.
When I was growing up, my parents made us try one bite of everything on our plate. If we didn't like it, we could get up, clear our own plate and make our own PBJ. That was the ONLY option. In my cousin's house it is chicken noodle soup. This is what we will probably do with DSn when he is old enough to make his own PBJ.
We had to try 3 bites of something on 3 separate occasions before we were allowed to not eat something.
Funny story; when DH was little, his parents made potato soup for dinner. He said he didn't like it and didn't want to eat it, but they made him sit there til he finished it (he was about 8) and he ended up throwing it up all over the table. Yeah, pretty sure his stomach REALLY didn't like it. LOL
We were the same way when it comes to cleaning your plate. I would be careful with that, though, because I honestly feel like that encouraged me to overeat a lot of times when I really didn't "need" to. Parents REALLY try hard to make sure their kids get the right nutrition, but sometimes it can be done in not such a great way. Just my $.02!
I agree with this. I think if kids are going to be told they have to clear their plates, reasonable sized portions should be given. DH's family follows this rule, and aside from having to do with waste, it's cultural for them, so if you leave food on your plate it's considered rude. I can't tell you how many times I almost puked for fear of offending his mom when we first got together. She would give plates that were half rice, with a huge pork chop and sometimes a veg. I talked to him about it, and he ended up asking her to just give me less food if she was going to be serving up portions.
And seriously, hot dogs and spam? That's part of why we have so many health issues with kids today. Unfortunately you're right, it's not your place to say anything, but man, would it be hard for me to bite my tongue!
When I was little I had to eat "half" of everything I didn't like. She'd really just put twice what she expected me to eat of that part of dinner on my plate, and supplement with more of the bit she knew I would eat. I hated meat, especially steak. It was a texture thing. SO I always had to eat half, and all meat was "chicken". I still tell myself meat that is unappetizing to me is chicken. We were all funny about sauces and gravy and whatnot, so that was always served on the side. i could put a little on mine, and my father could drown his. Everyone was happy. Until my stepmother decided that it wasn't good for me to have those issues, and started making me eat whatever was dinner, however it was served. I was in middle school, and old enough for that. I'm glad she did it, because there have been some meals that my MIL has served me that I never would have gotten through without that conditioning. DH was raised that if I put it in front of you, that's dinner. Eat it, because the next meal is breakfast.
I remember once we were out of good cereal and my stepmom gave me something icky for breakfast instead. I fought about it, was told that if I wouldn't eat if for breakfast I could have it for dinner. I tried to call her bluff on it, so I went to school and figured that it'd be so soggy she wouldn't make me eat it later. My bad. She made my favorite for dinner and told me that I could have some if I ate that cereal from breakfast. I gagged the entire time, but I ate it. I never EVER tried to call her bluff again. However, to this day, I still can't handle "healthy" cereal.
This for me too! I always try to offer 3 things on his plate like a meat, veggie, and an extra. I coax him to eat meat or veggie to get 2nd helpings of the extra. I also use the "you may excused after x many more bites." He's only 2 but understands this concept. If there is something for dinner I know he will absolutely not eat (sushi take out), I will cook up something quick for him.
As far as bfast and lunch I give her two options so she can have some control. She also eats better then since its what she is in the mood for.
I think offering lots of options and flavors from a young age is important and finding a balance between realizing little kids will have likes/dislikes vs being super picky and wanting to eat the same thing everyday. Not to mention that is super unhealthy, esp when it's something like hamburgers, chicken nuggets, etc.
I don't typically give my son only one item for dinner. If we have pasta I will usually give him a side of fruit or veggies. Sometimes he eats only the side item, but he has to at least try the main item. If he doesn't want to try a bite I usually just ask him to lick a bite. After he licks it, most of the time he ends up eating it. If there is anything for dessert the rule is you have to eat everything on your plate to get dessert.
Plain and simple - I am not a short order cook. When I make family dinner you get what you get and you don't throw a fit. My kids are required to eat as many bites as their age. If they don't finish their dinner they don't get a replacement or anything else to eat that night.
Sometimes there are tears - usually from my picky daughter - but it is what it is.
When its just the kids for dinner I make them what they want - usually they all agree but sometimes I will buy them separate meals that they like on a individual basis.
I have a friend who will cook for hours and if her son doesn't like it she gets up from the table in the midst of dinner and cooks him whatever he wants. By the time he is eating her meal is now cold.... we were at their house once when it happened...I just kept saying to myself not a flucking chance! I have also seen her do this at restaurants and when she grocery shops. She will bring me food by the bagful because he "doesnt like it" and she doesnt want it to go to waste.
My 2 year old WAS an amazing eater... until recently, when he's decided he doesn't want to eat (or try) things at random... even things that he's liked in the past. As bad as it sounds, we kind of bribe him. There's usually something at the table that he likes (he loves bread products), so we'll make him take a bite of ___ before he can have any bread. We try to get at least 3 bites of the "questionable" food in him and then let him eat what he wants. If he realizes he likes the food, then he eats everything. If he really doesn't like it (like he really wasn't liking the taco meat last night), then at least he's been exposed and given it a try. Since tacos were pretty much the main gig for dinner last night, I then offered him some applesauce and a leftover biscuit.
It's a work in progress. While I don't want dinners to be a fight, I also don't want him to get into bad eating habits and be unwilling to try new things.
This is entirely theoretical because I've yet to get DS to try something he doesn't want to. If he were to try it, a real bite, and he didn't like it, I would have zero problems modifying his dinner for the night. I don't really understand forcing kids to eat something that taste bad to them. I won't do it, so I'm not going to make him do it.
We always have multiple components to a meal, like a main dish, veggie, and starch or maybe fruit, so there's generally always something on DS's plate that he likes. I don't make him try anything, and try really hard not to comment at all on what he's eating, positive or negative. If he's hungry, he will eat. If he doesn't like what we are having, I don't make him something else, but I also never force him to eat anything. I think it's really important to let him be in charge of how much and whether he eats. I get to choose what we eat. If he doesn't eat at all, he has to stay with us at the table until we are done.
He's going through a picky stage right now where he's overly cautious of new foods, but that's totally normal for toddlers, so I don't worry about it at all. I have seen him decide on his own to try things he's refused to try multiple times before and end up liking them, so I think it's working. Ellyn Satter is a dietitian who works with feeding issues with children and her thoughts have really shaped my views of how to feed my kids.
We made DS's baby food, and despite being a good eater when he was very young, he is quite picky now. He is good about fruits, veggies, cheese, and some carbs, if they are simple and straightforward (no fruit salad). He does not like things mixed together. Anything with pasta is out. Most meat is out. He likes cheese and tortillas, but he won't even try a quesadilla. Stuff he will eat at home, he will not try at a restaurant. Oatmeal and yogurt used to be staples when he was young, and now he wont even look at those foods. So I don't think making their baby food has much to do with it. Some kids aren't picky, some are, and I think pickiness can go through phases.
When it's something that DS hasn't liked in the past or it's something new that I don't know he'll like I just round out his plate with other things he does like. We encourage him to try everything on his plate, but we don't make a big deal out of it because then it turns in to a fight and I don't not want to fight with him over food. It's much easier just to let him decide what to put in his mouth since I can't force him to do anything. Historically, this has worked for us. If I just keep putting stuff on his plate (meaning every time we have it) he'll eventually try it if he doesn't at first. Of course DS is still on the young side so I don't know if our approach will change a little as he gets older or not.
If your kid does legitimately try something and not like it, maybe you could institute a rule that they can go make themselves a PB&J sandwich instead? That way you're not forced to make two meals or get in the habit of them just wanting something different by choice.
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Yep, this pretty much sums up how I feel about it too.
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I was a very picky eater growing up, so I'm really proud of my daughter's wide range of foods that she will eat at her young age. However, I will say that I bend over backwards to learn how she likes the foods I prepare. I've also noticed that there's a huge difference in her attitude towards new foods if she can watch or even help me in the kitchen. When she encounters a food she doesn't care for, as long as she gives it due consideration (smell, taste), I'm satisfied. Knowing full well that another variation of the same food some other night might go over better, I don't force the issue to make a bad impression. I put hers on my plate to set an example for her, and then ask her what else she might want, or tell her what we have for options. She usually asks for something totally reasonable.
I get what you are saying, I really do. But the problem with some toddlers is that they have tunnel vision for only one or two things. So what happens if your son wants mac and cheese at every meal and that's all that makes him happy? Then what? I have a friend and her daughter went through a phase where everything had to be white. So the only things she wanted were white cheeses, tofu and these Japanese crackers. My nephew really only wants fruit, so he just holds out until someone gives him fruit. Not terrible selections, but not exactly balanced.
I agree with you I never force DD to eat anything and I don't do 'bites'. I think my pedi says it best, "Your job is to put healthy food in front of them, their job is to decide how much to eat, or if to eat at all." It's actually quite liberating for me, I cook healthy meals, put it in front of her and my job is done!
Anyway, if it works for you then it does, just trying to give you something to think about