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Preemies
Well that went well *sarcastic*
So today I had my annual OB apt. It was my first since having DD. I haven't stepped foot in that office since the day they sent me to MNF for a second opinion and I was labeled high risk, because I stayed with that Dr. I was fine all morning, DH works from home some days and today was one so he was staying with DD who was napping. As I was getting ready to leave I started to get anxiety and started to cry. I just started to panic, it was bringing back all the emotions of going to my apts when I was pregnant. It was this time last year that started our complicated pregnancy. I began spotting and was in and out of the dr, that seemed to be the beginning of the end. DH was trying to be supportive but just doesn't get it sometimes. He kept saying you are fine, the baby is fine, everything will be fine. Which I knew, I was watching DD peacefully napping, our beautiful happy, healthy, strong little girl. For goodness sake I am not even pregnant, lol! It was just bringing back all the emotions from when I was pregnant. Sitting in the waiting room, walking past the ultrasound room, sitting in the exam room. I only had two apts where they were "routine". Every other time there was something to "keep an eye on" I was spotting when I shouldn't be, they found that I had a two vessel cord, my BP was high, I went from only being 2 pts over on my GD 1 hour test to you need to get in here ASAP, your results from your 3 hour are in and you are severely diabetic. Then it was the baby is measuring small, you get the picture. We would walk in so happy to get to check in on our LO and leave terrified because it was always something never a "everything looks great see ya in 4 weeks!"
The nurse comes out and called my name and it was instant. My heart was racing and I was fighting back tears! I couldn't believe I was reacting this strongly! I told her my BP was going to be high. I was having a FULL on panic attack, I seriously thought I was going to have to leave and reschedule. Just like I thought, BP and HR were sky high. I briefly tried to explain to her why I was getting upset, but I was SO embarrassed! I got into a room and was able to totally calm myself down. Then the dr walks in and starts to go over history since my last visit and he says "So I see you had a baby, congrats, it was an uneventful pregnancy I assume..." Que the SOBS!!!! I couldn't even believe I was doing this! I am very open with our journey and NICU experience, and I will tear up sometimes telling certain parts but not like this! I did get through everything, I was so embarrassed! Now today I have been a mess, I am crying on and off, re hashing things I haven't thought about in months! Needless to say I have an apt tomorrow afternoon with my counselor because its clear that my PTS in still there and I have certain triggers. It just so happened she had an opening tomorrow, I called right after I left OB apt. I just know that you wonderful women will understand, my mom and DH have been amazing, even today but they still don't fully understand like another preemie mommy does. I feel like family and friends were so much more helpful and understanding when DD was still in the hospital. But now that she is home and doing wonderful, they kind of forget that she was a preemie and how that experience will always effect me. I always get the "look at her, she is healthy and fine, you have nothing to worry about" Which I try to say I know she is, that is not why I am upset, we have a story and memories that I can get caught up in sometimes. I mean DD is only 7.5 months, I feel like this will be the hardest year, because like I said, it was this time last year I was pregnant, its still fresh and things that normally wouldn't trigger an emotional reaction may.
So thank you for reading my super long post, its insanely warm today for October and Ohio, DD is waking up from her afternoon nap and we are going to go for a walk to the park! I seriously hope I don't start crying at the park if someone asks me a random question about DD! LOL Maybe we will stick to just a walk... 
I hope you all are having a great day!
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Re: Well that went well *sarcastic*
I have totally, totally been where you are. DS is ow going on 3 and it's gotten lots better with counseling, meds, and time. I totally get it -so totally understandable given preemie mom experiences. Hang in there, and know that it is OK to feel whatever emotions come up and it is OK to cry.
Your OB should have read your chart better! After I delivered my OB, not the obe who delivered me, walked into my hOspital room and looked at the spot where the twins should have been and asked where the babies were. I just started crying and my husband was like in the NICU you jerk! He did redeem himself by staying for about a half hour to talk to us about everything.