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There's Hope

tsharontsharon
in Blended Families

I've not posted on this board before, so please allow me to say hello!  My name is Tracy, and we're expecting through surrogacy in April 2013.  On my BMB, we were having a discussion about step-grandparents, and it got me to thinking that I wanted to share something with the blended families here.  

I have a 24 year old SD.  We met when she was 11, and her parents had only been divorced for a year, so the trauma was still very "fresh."  From age 11-19, her mother made our lives a living hell.  I'm in no way trying to trash my daughter's mom, because I do think that besides her issues with us, she's a good mom.  But she couldn't step away from her own emotions and put her child's needs ahead of her own, and we all paid dearly for it.

My kid, who I'll call "P", was alternately frosty/downright obnoxious at times. After she'd been with us for a few hours each Sunday, she'd thaw out and start letting herself have a good time.  Years later, she admitted how hard it was for her to forge any sort of relationship with me, or keep a close relationship with her dad, because her mom constantly talked about us and made her feel badly for pursuing anything close to a relationship.  

Once my daughter moved out on her own, things changed.  She's like a different person!  Without the constant strain of her mother's mouth, she and I have really gotten close.  She calls and texts me, we Skype (she moved out of the state to be with a boyfriend), and we visit.  It's been amazing.   

So for the moms out there who are having a hard time with their stepkids... there's hope!  I remember feeling so bewildered and alone during those years, and I didn't see anything ever changing.  Just wanted y'all to know that sometimes it does get better.   PAS is devastating to a family...I know that well. But don't give up!  Just keep on with loving your kids, refusing to make them choose sides, not allowing any negativity about the ex in your home, and making your home a safe place emotionally.  

My heart goes out to those moms currently in rough situations with their blended families.  It's one of the hardest things I've ever been through.  But I came out on the other side with a great relationship with my kid, and I want you all to know there's HOPE!  <3

Tracy 

 

One of my best friends ("B") offered to be our surrogate, and we're now expecting a baby in April 2013 after two cycles of natural IUI at the Jones Institute. For medical reasons, we are not biologically related to our unborn child. Yes, I guess that makes this a "planned adoption."

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Waiting for our Miracle Baby, Carly Marie, Due April 24, 2013!

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Re: There's Hope

  • dawnm975dawnm975
    Thank you for posting this!  I needed to hear a good ending story today.  I've been in SD's life since age 4 and she's 15.  Although we have a pretty good relationship, there is certainly a lot of challenges because of her mom's influence and how she talks about DH and I.  We do as you said; always doing what's best for SD and I hope things are even better when she's older.
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  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member
    thank you for sharing your story. I am a step mom and the BM in our situation is very difficult.  a lot of us SM's say that "someday the SC will thank me", we were all questioning weather this was worth it a few weeks ago, seems like in your situation it was.  it is great that you now have a good relationship with your SD.  hopefully someday I can come back here and post the same thing...
                           
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  • Beck17Beck17
    Thank you! I needed to read this. My SS is 11 and at times can be a handful but we know its because of BM. Like you I know she loves SS but she can't put her emotions aside. She has gone so far as to impersonate me and cancel our utilities since she knew DHs info.

    Somedays I feel like it will never change. Thanks for giving me hope.
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  • dor79dor79

    Thanks for this... I have two step-kids 15 and 13 and really want to fast forward through the teenage years. 

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  • PastaFanatic2012PastaFanatic2012 member

    Thanks for sharing.

    even though it was only a short time, before things got bad, I was heavily involved in SDs life and we got along GREAT. I can't wait until she's older and we can hopefully have the type of relationship you're enjoying with your SD now.

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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    Thanks for posting this! I was just thinking I can't wait to "know" my SS when he's older.

    He's turning into such a good kid and I hope we can laugh about all the ridiculousness one day of course I'm not going to remind him of memories he doesn't have but you know what I mean.
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