International Bumpies
dulcemariamar1
member
Are you like the natives?
dulcemariamar1
member
I was just wondering if you are like the people in your host country regarding things like:
how old you were when you had (or going to have) your first LO?
the number of kids you have or planning on having?
and how parent or plan on parenting your future LOs?
Do you think you more or less fit in with the parenting world in your host country or do you feel like you are doing everything differently?
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Re: Are you like the natives?
We're planning our first LO when I'm 31, which is way older than most here in St. Kitts (Caribbean). Most of them would have 2-3 or more by now! However, we've been married now almost a year, while most of the locals aren't married but just cohabitate for many years without marrying.
We're hoping for 2 kids, which isn't unusual here.
The parenting here is reasonably similar to what hubby and I are familiar with, though perhaps it's more hands-off here. We'll probably be a little more mindful, but that's because we're the outsiders and probably need to be a little more careful.
DH is about normal age for a first time father, I'm on the young side.
Number of kids is about normal.
We parent very differently to our friends but I think it's considered different in most places...very little stroller usage extended BF, BLW etc. None of this is big here but I don't think it's the norm in a lot of places.
We're opening up our friends eyes to new things, we have a friend who is CDing because of us, I have friends who BW longer than most people because of us.
I was just wondering if you are like the people in your host country regarding things like:
how old you were when you had (or going to have) your first LO? I had DD at 28 - that was the youngest in my group of friends here. I think average in Germany is early-mid 30s.
the number of kids you have or planning on having? We'd like to have 3-4 which is definitely above average. Germany's got a horrible demographic problem and I think the birth rate is like 1.8 - one of the worst in Europe if not the worst.
and how parent or plan on parenting your future LOs? If things had gone as I had originally hoped (BFing, CDing, homemade baby purees, babywearing) then the only thing we would have stood out on would have been the CDing. The way things actually worked, the only thing I did that I had planned was baby-wearing, but that's totally normal where we live. I stopped pumping after 2 months, most of my friends BFed until 1 year or longer, DD refused to eat my homemade food while friends had no problems.
Do you think you more or less fit in with the parenting world in your host country or do you feel like you are doing everything differently? Yes, I fit in in my host country in terms of parenting.
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
i had my first at 33. i think that's around the norm, but when i went to the hospital to look around i noticed a lot of the parents seemed older. this second time, at 35, the parents seemed a lot younger.
i plan on stopping at 2 and i think that's the most i've seen here except for one other family that has 3.
i usually feel like i parent different, but i think it's because most of the time i don't understand what other people are saying and as i get to know more parents that are german, i find we have a lot of similarities. there are some that are more strict in their ways, and some that are more relax. just like, i suppose, it is anywhere.
The other South Africans on this board will know what I mean when I say that in this country, there are so many different cultures, that it is hard to say. The Africans tend to do one thing, the large Indian population another, the Cape Coloured (not black, a culture of its own) do another, and the English and Afrikaans also have widely different norms.
Im 35. That seems normal for English speaking urban whites, but the Africans will likely assume he is my grandson, probably one of many. The norm in most African cultures is to start having them in your teenage years. I know several women in their 20's with six kids.
Oddly, attachment parenting type styles seem to have originated here. Baby wearing, breastfeeding, and cosleeping are all 100% normal in African cultures. I'm not sure that I want to go that route entirely, but it fascinates me that a modern parenting "trend" seems to be actually a widely accepted and completely traditional way of doing things here. My mother in law and most of my friends, on the other hand, firmly believe in getting a c section, tormula, letting baby cry it out, and spanking.
One of my biggest struggles is the c section issue. In the private hospitals, there is a 70-80% rate (google it if you don't believe me) and every last woman I know has had one, and tries to tell me that I should too. Not for medical reasons, because it is easier (really?!) and more convenient. I hope it won't be a struggle with doctors and nurses, when the day comes.
In general, though, my parenting ideas fit in roughly with the people around me.
Home in the bush.
^There *are* things that are easier about having a planned cesarean, but generally speaking, I think any kind of birth is a lot of work.
I was 31 when I had Bean. The average here is 29, so not too far off.
I had two and we're done. Average is around 1.8 last I heard.
I stayed at home with Bean for three years, and that's EXCEEDINGLY unusual here. Now that the girls are in daycare/preschool, I don't feel that I'm doing anything particularly strange. There are plenty of moms who babywear, plenty who don't, plenty who BF, plenty who FF. There doesn't seem to be a big war about all that here.
No, I'm not like the natives. Had a longer post, but the bump ate it so this is what you get.
I'm a baby having kids compared to natives in both Spain and Germany. Where I'm from in the US (Seattle area) I am also considered a baby. I was 21 when DD was born and will be 23 when this LO arrives.
We want four--two close together then a break and we'll see about the later two. That seems to be a lot here and in Spain. In Spain once you have three kids you get a numerous family card and discounts on all kinds of stuff.
I felt I did things a bit differently in Spain, but here I think I'll fit in more parenting style wise. Not sure yet though.
I will be almost 29 when LO arrives here so I am a bit younger than most parents here.
I would like to have 2 but I am going to wait and see how things go. I think it is becoming really popular to be one and done here.
I plan on being a SAHM at first and I dont know any other SAHMs here. I dont think it is really that common here.