Birthmom won't return calls, etc.

christielovesnathan · October 2012

It kind of worries me. I call her every other day and leave a message, but she never answers or gets back to me. I don't want to seem desperate, but it worries me that she's going to change her mind. Should I voice my concerns with the agency?

lizlemon2 · October 2012

Maybe she needs a little space. I would check with your agency before you assume the worst. Maybe they have heard from her.

kmkaull2 · October 2012

I agree that this expectant mom just may need some space. The best thing you can do it is give it to her. Good idea to contact your agency . . . perhaps she needs to talk to a counselor or a neutral party.

greenteabee · October 2012

1, she's not a birthmother until she gives birth and signs the papers. 2, she most likely is under a tremendous amount of stress right now, and if she's not answering your calls, you should probably stop calling. She will call you if/when she wants to.

IRR · October 2012

Is there a reason for your call or are you just checking in? The EM I am matched with I talk to every week or two, certainly not daily unless she needs something from me. Often I have called and left a message and don't hear back for a while. Not a big deal. She has a lot going on in her life too. Think of it as a job interview. You may be waiting forever to hear back from a company, but to them a week or two is no big deal since they are constantly dealing with business issues that come up daily.

Karen1024 · October 2012

I talk to our social worker all the time. I don't know if you are with a local or national agency, but a good agency should be there for you whenever you have questions! Couldn't hurt to call them, so why not?

We too had a failed match and are anxious about a new match, but try to remind ourselves that we can't control whether or not this one will work out. Giving up the illusion of control, when I can do it, is very freeing!

Good luck and hang in there!

Jenn is Silly · October 2012

greenteabee:
1, she's not a birthmother until she gives birth and signs the papers. 2, she most likely is under a tremendous amount of stress right now, and if she's not answering your calls, you should probably stop calling. She will call you if/when she wants to.

Wowa- no need to be snippy. I get the OP hasn't been on the side of the EM, but you also haven't been on the side of an AP.

OP- I know how difficult it is. I would say try not to stress about it, but I think anyone who's been in your shoes knows better.

All I can say is try to keep yourself busy, and try to limit your call's/texts. She'll call when she's ready. Maybe check in with your SW/Agency?

greenteabee · October 2012

Jenn is Silly:
greenteabee:
1, she's not a birthmother until she gives birth and signs the papers. 2, she most likely is under a tremendous amount of stress right now, and if she's not answering your calls, you should probably stop calling. She will call you if/when she wants to.
Wowa- no need to be snippy. I get the OP hasn't been on the side of the EM, but you also haven't been on the side of an AP.

That doesn't give the OP an excuse to bombard her with calls. If the Emom wanted to talk to her, she'd answer. OP is probably putting a lot more stress on her by calling so much.

Jenn is Silly · October 2012

greenteabee:
Jenn is Silly:
greenteabee:
1, she's not a birthmother until she gives birth and signs the papers. 2, she most likely is under a tremendous amount of stress right now, and if she's not answering your calls, you should probably stop calling. She will call you if/when she wants to.
Wowa- no need to be snippy. I get the OP hasn't been on the side of the EM, but you also haven't been on the side of an AP.

That doesn't give the OP an excuse to bombard her with calls. If the Emom wanted to talk to her, she'd answer. OP is probably putting a lot more stress on her by calling so much.

That's a whole lot of assumptions. And you know what happens when we Ass-U-Me....

I don't think it's fair for you to generalize her as "bombarding" her. If it's the norm of what their relationship has been, and EM hasn't expressed her desire for PAP to not continue said relationship- then I don't classify that as bombarding.

Both parties in a potential adoption are in an emotional and stressful spot. If neither party, or one of the potential parties, doesn't have the maturity and gumption to speak with the other when there's a situation, then it's likely a bad situation from the get go.

Just as in any type of relationship, when one party stops responding to the other if the relationship carries on as it typically would, the party not getting a response has a proper rational to question what's changed.

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Birthmom won't return calls, etc.

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