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September 2011 Moms
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I've never been more offendedNBR

tartertots9725tartertots9725 member
in September 2011 Moms
I had to meet with one of my professors today to get some notes I missed while at DS's appt. he's a psychology professor and we randomly talked about how I was robbed at gunpoint. He goes "wow, I'm really surprised. You're a big girl, you don't fit the normal stereotype men usually go after". I couldn't believe he said that! First off I use to be a super tiny sz 2 girl and I have gained weight over the years but I'm in no means a "big girl". I'm a sz 8. I was so uncomfortable and told him I still have anxiety from the robbery and he then goes "we'll you should think about working out, it would help with the anxiety and your excess weight". I ended the convo after that and cried as soon as I got in my car. DH was pissed and tried to make me feel better. I know he thinks in beautiful but that professor really has me feeling like crap.sad face



Sry for any typos, bumping from my phone.
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Re: I've never been more offendedNBR

  • shelley1002shelley1002 member
    What an assshole.  I would have a talk with the Dean about him.

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  • missbrightside10missbrightside10 member
    Ew, what a jerk! A size 8 is NOT big!
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  • MsCrispyMsCrispy member
    You should be offended, what he said is completely inappropriate, especially coming from a professor. Does he have asperger's or something? That would help explain why he doesn't seem to understand what he should and should not say.

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  • roxpinkroxpink member

    Whaaaaaat? First off I am so sorry you were held at gun point, that must have been completely horrific! I couldn't imagine. 

    Annnnd wtf is wrong with your professor? That was out of line and not his place ... Even if it was true. There is no way a size 8 would require anyone to say that! What a jerk! Hope you have a better day... Ugh! 

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  • covertxxamourcovertxxamour member
    Inappropriate. Wow.. I literally would not have let him get away with saying those things to you. A size 8? Are you kidding me? I haven't seen that size in years!
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  • tartertots9725tartertots9725 member
    Thanks ladies. I really do appreciate your kind comments.

    I'm not very familiar with asperger's but he is very socially awkward. You could tell he wasn't trying to be mean. It just sucks because he honestly thinks Im fat and with all the stretch marks and everything I'm definitely self conscious.
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  • mnewleemnewlee member

    Wow. just wow.

    I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. The residual anxiety plus an a$$hat professor on top of it.

    His comments are just totally out of line. Even if he was talking to someone who was a size 28 that is not okay to say. 

    He's a psychology professor? Maybe he should work out his issues that cause him to have unrealistic expectations of a woman's appearance. A size 8 isn't fat by any stretch of the imagination. (I was the most confident when I was an 8)

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  • manda26manda26 member
    omg! what a jerk!! a psychology professor to boot? who the hell gave him that degree??
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  • T&HLoveT&HLove member

    Thank god he decided to teach and not go into therapy. He should be devoted to a person's mental well-being.... What an idiot 

    also size 8=/=big 

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  • Tulips114Tulips114 member

    imageshelley1002:
    What an assshole.  I would have a talk with the Dean about him.

    This! Those comments were completely inappropriate! 

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  • becasmecabecasmeca member
    Wow. I am positive professors are to follow an ethics code and he FOR SURE screwed himself. I do not have all of my school stuff at this house, but I can email a prof that is my friend and ask her about what codes he violated.

    I would for sure talk to the department head. His comments were completely unprofessional and has now created an uncomfortable learning environment for you which could interfere with your education. Make sure you fill out your end of the year student evaluations! I know departments or specific professors receive consequences on their scores.
    As for you lil tot!! And I mean LITTLE! Please please please do not let the ignorance of one man rent space in your head for free. Consider the source. A socially awkward professor. Is he someone you look up to or would want your son to emulate? Is he close family member or husband? Did he save your life ::okay, that last one was radical:: my point is that if he is not any of those important relationships then wipe it off and see what you can learn from today.
    Now you know professors can cross personal boundaries and effect your self perception. Will you let this happen again?

    Now you will learn the reporting process of in ethical behavior in a classroom.

    You had heard and been reinforced by your husband and bumple friends of just how gorgeous you are.

    Does size really matter? It sounds to me 8 8 8 8 is replaying in your head!!! Get it out! How do you feel without a number or mirror? This situation has offered some serious self reflection.

    I bet that had to be an awful afternoon! You had steady missed and need notes, shared a horrific robbery experience, and received ignorance wrapped in an insult as a response. I am sorry!
    Keep me updated on what oh decide to do. I hope you have a great evening with your two best boys!
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  • linzicalinzica member

    wow. what a douche.

    If it makes you feel any better, i get referred to as a "big girl" more often than i would like. When i was size six and tall I was a "anorexic bvtch", now I'm somewhere between 8 and 10 and I'm a "big girl". Big part aside, i kinda find it offensive that I'm still a girl when I'm 30 years old. You really can't win.

    I would probably write that azz an email that said something along the lines of, "For a psychology prof, you have an amazingly small grasp on the female psyche. And FYI, referring to women who are a healthy average size as "big" perpetuates the ignorance that is behind the image driven pressures that continue to force women down below their male counterparts.

    Just sayin bro" 

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  • tartertots9725tartertots9725 member
    imagebecasmeca:
    Wow. I am positive professors are to follow an ethics code and he FOR SURE screwed himself. I do not have all of my school stuff at this house, but I can email a prof that is my friend and ask her about what codes he violated.

    I would for sure talk to the department head. His comments were completely unprofessional and has now created an uncomfortable learning environment for you which could interfere with your education. Make sure you fill out your end of the year student evaluations! I know departments or specific professors receive consequences on their scores.
    As for you lil tot!! And I mean LITTLE! Please please please do not let the ignorance of one man rent space in your head for free. Consider the source. A socially awkward professor. Is he someone you look up to or would want your son to emulate? Is he close family member or husband? Did he save your life ::okay, that last one was radical:: my point is that if he is not any of those important relationships then wipe it off and see what you can learn from today.
    Now you know professors can cross personal boundaries and effect your self perception. Will you let this happen again?

    Now you will learn the reporting process of in ethical behavior in a classroom.

    You had heard and been reinforced by your husband and bumple friends of just how gorgeous you are.

    Does size really matter? It sounds to me 8 8 8 8 is replaying in your head!!! Get it out! How do you feel without a number or mirror? This situation has offered some serious self reflection.

    I bet that had to be an awful afternoon! You had steady missed and need notes, shared a horrific robbery experience, and received ignorance wrapped in an insult as a response. I am sorry!
    Keep me updated on what oh decide to do. I hope you have a great evening with your two best boys!


    Becca, you are always so insightful and sweet! Thank you for everything! I don't know if I want to report him because I don't want to cause more awkwardness between us. I will definitely fill out the evaluation though!

    Thank you to all of you ladies. You all are wonderful and have made me feel a lot better. September mamas and babies rock!
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  • jen4nyjen4ny member
    Oh my goodness- what a jerk. I can't believe he said that to you. Size 8 is not big! He has no idea what he is talking about. 
    And I am sorry about your robbery experience. I can't even imagine how scary that must have been. 
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  • Ms5586Ms5586 member
    What an azzhole.  You are gorgeous.  I am so sorry he said those things to you. You absolutely need to report him for those remarks, that is completely out of line.
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  • AmandaPaige6410AmandaPaige6410
    What a jerk. How such an ignorant man can have the career he has is mind blowing. You're beautiful and don't you forget it!
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  • solsburyhillsolsburyhill member
    It's not easy to report someone. It's too bad that the thought of us makes us feel like *we're* the ones doing something wrong, because you didn't do anything wrong, you were the victem. But I can imagine all the thoughts in your head that are talking you out of speaking up. What I would suggest doing is write an email to the professor. Remind him what he said to you and then tell him how it made you feel. Then remind him that he needs to think before he speaks and think about how his words will be interpreted and how they will make the recipiant feel. And then, just save the email in your drafts. Reread it from time to time. At the end of the semester, send it. He should know the faux pas he made. He should know that his words hurt your feelings. ::big hugs::
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  • tartertots9725tartertots9725 member
    I can't thank you ladies enough for all of the kind words and advice. I was embarrassed to even post this yesterday because I knew I shouldn't let his remarks get to me but I've been so self conscious lately.
    You ladies made me realize I should at least say something to him. Thank you all again smiley
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