FTM Q&A - Week of 10.22.12

mrsodonnell12 · October 2012

Q&A time

dulcemariamar1 · October 2012

Any advice for the first few weeks? What are some of your favorite things about the NB phase?

Do you have a "deadline" for getting things done with the nursery and buying things for the baby?

mrsodonnell12 · October 2012

dulcemariamar1:

Any advice for the first few weeks? What are some of your favorite things about the NB phase?

Do you have a "deadline" for getting things done with the nursery and buying things for the baby?

Advice for the first couple of weeks: take lots of pics.... they change SO fast. Sleep when baby sleeps.... everyone will tell you that, but seriously DO IT... dont worry about cooking/cleaning--- SLEEP!! Oh and if you are BFing.... drink TONS of water and eat like you are pregnant.

Deadlines- I have deadline in my calendar... nursery needs to be done by Nov 1 (it would be Dec 1, but DH will be hunting a ton in Nov so we want it done before then)-- buy carseat by end of November..... when I thnk of something I jst add to my calendar.

bearkatjen · October 2012

dulcemariamar1:
Any advice for the first few weeks? What are some of your favorite things about the NB phase?

Do you have a "deadline" for getting things done with the nursery and buying things for the baby?

Advice: Another vote for sleep when the baby sleeps. That goes for your DH too. everything else can wait. Use paper plates, order pizza if you must, but sleep whenever you can.

You can't spoil the baby. If the baby wants to be held, it's because it needs to be held. Don't worry about schedules early on, it's all about the baby.

Favorite things: I loved holding and smelling DS. I couldn't get enough of it.

Deadlines: I have a list of must have items for functioning with a baby, like car seat and pnp, and a deadline for when we must own these items. It's nice to have the nursery done, but not necessary.

mrsodonnell12 · October 2012

teds1chic:

How long does the bleeding last after birth? Did you continue wearing the "mesh" underwear or did you wear your normal underwear?

Also what was the biggest surprise to you about the birth/labor/after labor experience? I feel like there is so much that happens that no one tells you about.

I think the bleeding varies... mine was heavy for about 4-5 days PP... then light for the next week-10 days. It honestly wasnt that bad.... it sounds worse than it really is. I wore regular underwear as soon as I left the hospital. If you plan to wear your own underwear....buy some black ones!

Biggest suprise about labor for me was that I wasnt 100% sure I was in labor. Everyone tells you that "you will know when you are in labor".... sorry but as a FTM, you really dont know! Even this time around I feel like I will second guess myself.

In the hospital my biggest suprise was the pusing on teh tummy after birth thing.... seriously, hurts like crap.... HATED IT.

pghctwife · October 2012

First few weeks: honestly really just try to enjoy it! Soak it up... those very very early days are such a blip and so unique. Spend lots of time just staring at your sleeping baby and dont worry about setting him/her down if you dont want to, or handing him/her off if you want to cuddle. A regret I have is that when the ILs visited when henry was like a week old, for 4 days I felt that I had to let them just HAVE him since they live so far away and wouldnt see him again in so long. I was really resentful that I was only holding him for nursing and diapers, and I would have taken him more. I wanted that cuddle and staring time! That would be the favorite! And looking at newborn pics of me and DH and deciding who he looked like (get photos from your parents if you dont have them!)

Ask for help, even if you feel ok physically. I recovered great but help wtih laundry and stuff was still appreciated so i could do the above!

Drink lots of water and eat whatever/whenever if you are BFing. This isnt the time to worry about the baby weight. Nap if you can.

Lots of photos!

Deadlines... for me it is more about a deadline to get my son moved into his new room - Thankgiving. And that is more because I want HIM to have time to get used to that change before we spring a new baby on him who is also stealing his room haha. We dont need much gear and I know that I can get stuff immediately wiht asking people to run to the store, or amazon's 2-day shipping. I was much more worried about having EVERYTHING DONE early wtih henry and in hindsight it wasnt as necessary. Stuff liike setting up the PNP or swing etc takes little time, so it can be done after the baby arrives if you need to. We have teh carseat already and bases. I will probably get that installed around 38 weeks, maybe sooner. Worst case scenario we throw it in the car and my H will just install it at the hospital. We know how to do this stuff now so it isnt as big a deal to do ahead of time.

Bleeding: I dont remember! It wasnt that long... I had a vaginal birth fwiw. A few days where it was bad and then it got better? The squirt bottle was HEAVENLY. I used the mesh undies a big but switched to regular granny panties quickly. I didnt go back to thongs for a while. I know most women use the mesh undies forever though. I just didnt to the point that I still have a pair tucked away! ha! I hung onto one figuring Id use it if my water breaks at home again, with the heavy duty pads I also still have.

mollywobbles13 · October 2012

teds1chic:

How long does the bleeding last after birth? Did you continue wearing the "mesh" underwear or did you wear your normal underwear?

Also what was the biggest surprise to you about the birth/labor/after labor experience? I feel like there is so much that happens that no one tells you about.

The bleeding will be different for everyone. Mine stopped about 3 and a half weeks after. I wore the mesh undies one whole day after I got out of the hospital, but after that wore my own undies with a super pad and it was fine.

mrsodonnell12 · October 2012

shanie33:

When did you pack your hospital bag and what did you put in it?

ETA: Also, when did you install the car seat?

I installed the car seat around 37 weeks with DS. We will probably do it as soon as we get it this time around (end of Nov).

Hospital bag: I way overpacked... which I think is better than underpacking. Here is my checklist for what I am packing this time around:

Hospital Bag:

Candy for nursing staff, visitors and midwife

Chelsea:

-lip balm

-hard candy

-music on CD

-body lotion

-cameras

-tennis ball

-family picture

-nightgown

-robe

-slippers

-clothes for home

-nursing bra

-toothbrush, deodorant, shower stuff

-honey sticks

-nursing tank and yoga pants

Jeffrey:

-sweatshirt

-snacks

-toothbrush, deodorant, shower stuff

Carter:

-gift for baby

-snacks

-toys, books, crayons, paper

Kendall:

-car seat

-hat

-outerwear

-clothes for home

-cloth diapers

-blanket

-Grandma El?s

-T-shirt/onesie

-Gift for Carter

bearkatjen · October 2012

teds1chic:
How long does the bleeding last after birth? Did you continue wearing the "mesh" underwear or did you wear your normal underwear?
Also what was the biggest surprise to you about the birth/labor/after labor experience? I feel like there is so much that happens that no one tells you about.

I don't remember how long the bleeding lasted. I'm guessing not long, because it didn't seem like a big deal to me. I wore mesh undies until I ran out, so maybe a full week. I was wearing normal undies during Some of that time too.

My biggest surprise was the constipation! I had an epi free labor and pp constipation and bm's seem like a much bigger deal than that! Buy some colace and starting taking it as soon as you have that baby.

mrsodonnell12 · October 2012

LindsRockies:
teds1chic:

How long does the bleeding last after birth? Did you continue wearing the "mesh" underwear or did you wear your normal underwear?

Also what was the biggest surprise to you about the birth/labor/after labor experience? I feel like there is so much that happens that no one tells you about.

The bleeding lasted for about 3 weeks for me, but after about a week or so, it was pretty light. I didn't wear any mesh undies outside of the hospital. I found that I over-estimated how much I would bleed (I think other moms scared me!). I bought Depends to wear (that I never used). Ha! Always Overnights and the Always Infinity Overnights were my savior those first few weeks.

My biggest surprise was that I wasn't at all worried about my modesty when I was in labor/pushing, etc. I was really afraid thinking about the process and how mortified I'd be to have my stuff all out there on display. But in the moment, it wasn't a big deal at all. I did.not.care. Everyone always told me when I'd express my concerns "oh, don't worry, at that point you won't care." In my head I'm going "yeah, sure". But they ended up being totally right!

Good one! Same here!

smwiggle · October 2012

dulcemariamar1:
Any advice for the first few weeks? What are some of your favorite things about the NB phase?

Do you have a "deadline" for getting things done with the nursery and buying things for the baby?

Definitely sleep when you can. The first week is the hardest, but it does eventually get easier. Do what you can and don't worry about cleaning, cooking, or laundry. BFing is extremely difficult at first, but keep at it. Eventually your body will adjust and the pain will go away.

I love how cuddly they are as a NB. And the smell. Take lots of pictures because they grow so quickly.

My deadline for having the most important things is the 1st of Dec. I was a month early with DS and I don't want to be caught unaware this time.

pghctwife · October 2012

biggest surprise: at how early I was ready to leave the hospital. Really wish we could have left the next day (gave birth at 7pm) but were there one addl night. This time assuming all goes smoothly etc I will really push to be checked out sooner. We both slept like crap in hte hospital and I wasnt able to really get a feel for what I was doing with henry until we went home. And I would rather get home to be with H this time too.

Bag: Um I think I got it packed at full term. And had a running list of last min stuff. I brought it all with me for my appts just in case.

Alyssa102 · October 2012

dulcemariamar1:

Any advice for the first few weeks? What are some of your favorite things about the NB phase?

Do you have a "deadline" for getting things done with the nursery and buying things for the baby?

Advice - REST UP! Seriously. I HATE when people say the expression "sleep now, cause when baby comes you won't sleep" but seriously rest as much as you can. With DD I was so anxious and just want to meet her, that as my due date approached, I went for long walks or cleaned or organized. Looking back, I should have just put my feet up and watched movies all day. lol

Fav thangs about the NB phase - Constant cuddles and the unconditional love you feel the instant you see their face.

Deadlines - As soon as DH gets it done lol. This time around we have everything we need, so we are not in a rush.

smwiggle · October 2012

teds1chic:
How long does the bleeding last after birth? Did you continue wearing the "mesh" underwear or did you wear your normal underwear?
Also what was the biggest surprise to you about the birth/labor/after labor experience? I feel like there is so much that happens that no one tells you about.

I think my heavy bleeding was for like 5 days and then light bleeding for about another 2 weeks. I took a couple mesh panties home with me, but for the most part just had some big comfy granny panties that I used.

I can't really say what the biggest surprise was. I thought I was prepared for labor, reading, watching videos, but it was nothing compared to actually being in labor. I think L&D is something you can talk about all you want, but until you actually experience it, you have no idea. Even now, my memory has faded from my labor and it was only about a year ago. Actually, I do have something. Everyone's body processes pain differently. I started getting the shakes after each contraction because of the pain. Once I got an epidural, the shakes stopped. I scared the crap out of DH though.

Brit242 · October 2012

dulcemariamar1:

Any advice for the first few weeks? What are some of your favorite things about the NB phase?

Do you have a "deadline" for getting things done with the nursery and buying things for the baby?

My advice is to get up and out of the house if you can. We had to go to a few doctor's visits starting the day after we came home from the hospital b/c of DD1's jaundice. It forced us out of the house. Since we were already away from home we went out to eat, went shopping, etc. I still felt like hell, but I'm glad I was out of the house. It made it much easier to be comfortable with leaving the house when I needed to for groceries or whatever.

I loved when DD would sleep on my chest. I really miss that and didn't realize how short of a time period that would be for us.

My "deadline" for the nursery is my due date lol. The super important things I plan on having done by 37 weeks: carseat installed, hospital bag packed, pnp set up in our room, diapers bought and dispersed throughout the house, etc. I figure as long as I have those things done early then the decorating, folding clothes, vacuuming, whatever can wait.

smwiggle · October 2012

shanie33:
When did you pack your hospital bag and what did you put in it?

ETA: Also, when did you install the car seat?

I think my bag was packed by 34 weeks. Bring comfy clothes to leave in, slippers if you want to walk during labor, snacks and water and laptop for DH, my kindle (even though I never read it), a going home outfit for LO, toiletries, and a pillow. Also, my hospital doesn't provide a gown unless you are in active labor, so I brought a couple nightgowns.

Last time, DH installed the car seat 5 minutes before we left the hospital. He kept on putting it off since he thought he had another month. This time we will be installing the base the beginning of December.

Brit242 · October 2012

teds1chic:

How long does the bleeding last after birth? Did you continue wearing the "mesh" underwear or did you wear your normal underwear?

Also what was the biggest surprise to you about the birth/labor/after labor experience? I feel like there is so much that happens that no one tells you about.

I bled for 3-4 weeks I think. I wore the mesh underwear until I ran out of them, which was probably 2 days after getting home from the hospital. I LOVED the mesh underwear and would wear them forever if I could lol.

The biggest suprises were 1) I got way less sleep in the hospital than at home. There was always someone in my room checking on me, or checking on LO, or bringing my food, or restocking the diapers, or changing the trash, then rechecking me, rechecking LO, on and on and on. It was non-stop interupptions 24/7. When I got home I woke up every 3 hours to feed LO, but could sleep as much as I wanted in between the feedings. It was soooo much more restful at home than in the hospital. Also 2) I was really suprised at how my hormones changed after birth. I would cry so easily at the happiest things, never at sad things. I remember DH walking in on my nursing once and I was just balling. He asked me what was wrong and I just kept repeating "I just love her so much!!" It was so strange. People warn you about PPD and the PP blues, but I only cried about super happy things lol.

Brit242 · October 2012

shanie33:

When did you pack your hospital bag and what did you put in it?

ETA: Also, when did you install the car seat?

I had my hospital bag packed and carseat installed by 37 weeks. I packed 2 pair of pajama pants, 2 nursing tanks, 2 sports bras, travel size shampoo, soap, toothpaste, deoderant, etc, my boppy, phone charger, camera and charger, a book, mp3 player, phone number list, a spiral notebook and pen, LO's coming home outfit, and a blanket for LO.

I think this time I will pack pajama pants, regular tanks, nursing sleep bras, travel size toiletries, camera, notebook and pen, and LO's outfit. I never touched my book, mp3 player, or boppy. DH can pack the phone numbers, snacks, and chargers.

brianabrad · October 2012

Thanks to all the STM's for the advice and FTM's for the questions.

pghctwife · October 2012

Brit242:

The biggest suprises were 1) I got way less sleep in the hospital than at home. There was always someone in my room checking on me, or checking on LO, or bringing my food, or restocking the diapers, or changing the trash, then rechecking me, rechecking LO, on and on and on. It was non-stop interupptions 24/7. When I got home I woke up every 3 hours to feed LO, but could sleep as much as I wanted in between the feedings. It was soooo much more restful at home than in the hospital.

TOTALLY my experience too. OMG Night 2 was rough and we had FINALLY all gotten to sleep when the friggen OB that I dont like came waltzing in and woke up up. OMG I was ready to throttle him!

kimmlet · October 2012

smwiggle:

Actually, I do have something. Everyone's body processes pain differently. I started getting the shakes after each contraction because of the pain. Once I got an epidural, the shakes stopped. I scared the crap out of DH though.

I think that's the scariest thing I've read about the pain yet. Yikes!

mrsodonnell12 · October 2012

LindsRockies:
smwiggle:

Actually, I do have something. Everyone's body processes pain differently. I started getting the shakes after each contraction because of the pain. Once I got an epidural, the shakes stopped. I scared the crap out of DH though.

I had that happen to me too. My teeth chattered a bit as well.

I have heard the shakes are caused by fear... and giving in to that fear can stop the shakes. A good way to do that is having a good cry.

ETA: I should clarify- the shakes are normally caused by a hormone that results from fear....having a good cry releases another hormone that coutner acts the fear hormone.

Alexandra0223 · October 2012

brianabrad:
Thanks to all the STM's for the advice and FTM's for the questions.

I love these threads! I have them all saved.

laurapacheco · October 2012

Alexandra0223:
brianabrad:
Thanks to all the STM's for the advice and FTM's for the questions.
I love these threads! I have them all saved.

I look forward to them also. I should start saving them... maybe we can make a page in the J13 blog with links to these & other helpful threads?

Necack · October 2012

I'm in a bit of a different situation. Our new home will not be ready for us to move into until the holidays (renovations), so we will not be moving until LO is 2-3 months old, because I refuse to move that close to delivery or during recovery. Most of LO's stuff will be going to the new house for storage until we move. So my question is... what are the minimum essentials to keep at our too small, current house for LO's first 2-3 months. I'm planning to have him sleep next to us in a rock & play since we have no extra rooms for a nursery. I'm clearing out a dresser for his clothes and putting a changing pad on top for diapering. I plan to keep some bottles on hand in case I need to supplement. I will have a car seat for each car, a boppy, swing or bouncy seat, blankets, burp clothes, moby, snap n go. Am I missing anything? Is any of this excessive? Share your thoughts.

URMySunshine77 · October 2012

Thank you for the great advice, STMs!!

Brit242 · October 2012

Necack:
I'm in a bit of a different situation. Our new home will not be ready for us to move into until the holidays (renovations), so we will not be moving until LO is 2-3 months old, because I refuse to move that close to delivery or during recovery. Most of LO's stuff will be going to the new house for storage until we move. So my question is... what are the minimum essentials to keep at our too small, current house for LO's first 2-3 months. I'm planning to have him sleep next to us in a rock & play since we have no extra rooms for a nursery. I'm clearing out a dresser for his clothes and putting a changing pad on top for diapering. I plan to keep some bottles on hand in case I need to supplement. I will have a car seat for each car, a boppy, swing or bouncy seat, blankets, burp clothes, moby, snap n go. Am I missing anything? Is any of this excessive? Share your thoughts.

Your list sounds pretty good to me. Keep a few more receiving blankets than you think you'll need. You might want to keep a PNP there just in case the rock & play doesn't work for you for whatever reason. You can always keep the PNP folded up unless you need it. If you have to choose between the swing or bouncy seat I would choose the bouncy seat. It's smaller and easier to move from one place to another. Don't forget some washcloths/towels. You can use yours, but I prefer the baby ones just b/c they're smaller. Also, you might want some sort of playmat, but that's not necessary.

Runner313 · October 2012

My question pertains to when the LOs are a little bit older... As second (+) time moms, what are your experiences with traveling with your LOs? A good friend of mine is getting married in Italy next Fall. Is it totally crazy and stressful to travel with an 8-9 month old to Europe? I am dying to go but the logistics of bringing the baby are a little overwhelming to me. (I realize this question is not as crucial as the important L&D and first weeks home with the newborn questions, but it has been on my mind for a few days now and I do not know a lot of people my age with kids IRL).

Brit242 · October 2012

Runner313:
My question pertains to when the LOs are a little bit older... As second (+) time moms, what are your experiences with traveling with your LOs? A good friend of mine is getting married in Italy next Fall. Is it totally crazy and stressful to travel with an 8-9 month old to Europe? I am dying to go but the logistics of bringing the baby are a little overwhelming to me. (I realize this question is not as crucial as the important L&D and first weeks home with the newborn questions, but it has been on my mind for a few days now and I do not know a lot of people my age with kids IRL).

We lived in Germany when DD was born. We traveled to Paris for 10 days when she was 7 months old, 18 days in Italy and London when she was 12 months old, and 3 days in Amsterdam when she was 15 months old. If your LO is used to being out of the house on a regular basis it's pretty easy. From day one we took DD out to eat, shopping, driving to nearby places in Germany, etc so she was used to being out of the house and on the go. Her sleeping always went to hell on vacation, but it was definitely worth it! I think traveling with a baby/toddler is pretty easy, but I know others would disagree with me. I say go for it. Worse thing that happens is you have a cranky baby in Italy for a few days, but you got to go to Italy so it was worth it.

pghctwife · October 2012

I havent gone overseas but in general the littler they are the easier they travel. Vacas this summer were HARD. We did a long weekend in may (H was 13 months, right before I got BFP) and it was awesome, but the end of easy travel.

The more mobile they are the harder they are to travel with. And IME, the older they are the more reliant on a specific nap etc... when they are tinier, easier to nap on the go etc.

Not sure how much that helps!

RachelG1016 · October 2012

Runner313:
My question pertains to when the LOs are a little bit older... As second (+) time moms, what are your experiences with traveling with your LOs? A good friend of mine is getting married in Italy next Fall. Is it totally crazy and stressful to travel with an 8-9 month old to Europe? I am dying to go but the logistics of bringing the baby are a little overwhelming to me. (I realize this question is not as crucial as the important L&D and first weeks home with the newborn questions, but it has been on my mind for a few days now and I do not know a lot of people my age with kids IRL).

My DS flew for the first time at 3.5 weeks. He slept the entire way other than to eat. He has been a regular flier ever since. The hardest time was between 2 & 4 years old.

I breastfed during takeoff and landings to help with the ears but other than that he was totally fine the entire time.

brianabrad · October 2012

Alexandra0223:
brianabrad:
Thanks to all the STM's for the advice and FTM's for the questions.
I love these threads! I have them all saved.

That's a great idea! I need to start doing that. Maybe someone would start archiving them and then post the links to all the threads for the month?!?!? **hint hint** Wink

jessrenee11 · October 2012

mrsodonnell12:
LindsRockies:
smwiggle:

Actually, I do have something. Everyone's body processes pain differently. I started getting the shakes after each contraction because of the pain. Once I got an epidural, the shakes stopped. I scared the crap out of DH though.

I had that happen to me too. My teeth chattered a bit as well.

I have heard the shakes are caused by fear... and giving in to that fear can stop the shakes. A good way to do that is having a good cry.

ETA: I should clarify- the shakes are normally caused by a hormone that results from fear....having a good cry releases another hormone that coutner acts the fear hormone.

I had the shakes after my water broke, even while I had and epi and the entire time I was pushing. It was super scary because no one told me about it but it had nothing to do with pain or fear and all about the extra hormones that are released during labor/delivery. It was the worst about the whole process but It kept my mind off the pain I was as cool as a cucumber during everything and I had the dr. and nurses explain it to me. It is also totally normal to get them or to not get them all depends on how your body works!

I just reread what you type and yes it is a hormone issue but I dont think it has anything to do with fear.

mrsodonnell12 · October 2012

jessrenee11:
mrsodonnell12:
LindsRockies:
smwiggle:

Actually, I do have something. Everyone's body processes pain differently. I started getting the shakes after each contraction because of the pain. Once I got an epidural, the shakes stopped. I scared the crap out of DH though.

I had that happen to me too. My teeth chattered a bit as well.

I have heard the shakes are caused by fear... and giving in to that fear can stop the shakes. A good way to do that is having a good cry.

ETA: I should clarify- the shakes are normally caused by a hormone that results from fear....having a good cry releases another hormone that coutner acts the fear hormone.

I had the shakes after my water broke, even while I had and epi and the entire time I was pushing. It was super scary because no one told me about it but it had nothing to do with pain or fear and all about the extra hormones that are released during labor/delivery. It was the worst about the whole process but It kept my mind off the pain I was as cool as a cucumber during everything and I had the dr. and nurses explain it to me. It is also totally normal to get them or to not get them all depends on how your body works!

I just reread what you type and yes it is a hormone issue but I dont think it has anything to do with fear.

In most cases there is a direct correlation between fear and the release of whatever hormone it is that causes the shaking... either way, crying is supposed to be best method to stop it.... remember that if it happens again!

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